


A Not-So-Subtle Lane Change

by BrokenWings0712



Series: Roadway Confessions [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU season/series 13, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Guilt, Human Castiel, Nightmare, Non-Consensual Touching, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sex, Shower Sex, Sick Castiel, Smut, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-04-20 15:49:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 48,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14264397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrokenWings0712/pseuds/BrokenWings0712
Summary: It was my fault he was in the hospital to begin with, and now, here we stood, myself, the infamous Winchesters, and two terrified ICU nurses facing off against an armed Castiel.What could go wrong?Second part of the Roadway Confessions series. It picks up immediately where the first story left off, so I suggest reading that one first.





	1. Chapter 1

"Castiel?"

It was my fault he was in the hospital to begin with, and now, here we stood, myself, the infamous Winchesters, and two terrified ICU nurses facing off against an armed Castiel. 

What could go wrong?

His frantic blue eyes flashed with recognition, but his naked body tensed when Dean scrambled to his feet. Castiel flipped the syringe around so that the needle was now pointing downward in his grip and backed up, bumping into the wall as he did so.

"Where am I?" Castiel yelled.

"You're in the hospital, Castiel," I said softly, and his eyes flew back to mine.

"Hospital?" I nodded slowly, my heart breaking for the angel, but he shook his head. "No, no, that can't be right. I'm dead!"

"No, you're not." I took a step forward and watched as he analyzed my every move. Sam tugged at my sleeve, but I shook him off and came to a stop beside Dean who put an arm out to stop my advance. "You're alive, Castiel. After you were stabbed, we brought you to the hospital, and you almost died three times during surgery, but they managed to save you."

"Three times?"

"Yeah." My voice came out hoarse, and I swallowed. "I almost lost you, Castiel."

He lowered the syringe a few inches, and his eyes locked on mine again. "This...this is real?" 

"Yes," I breathed. "You're okay, Castiel. You're safe."

"So you're really Melanie? My Melanie?"

God, what had he thought was happening? I nodded, but he still appeared unconvinced. 

"Prove it."

I brushed passed Dean while holding both hands up in front of me and felt the boys move in behind me. "Don't," I murmured over my shoulder. "It's okay."

"Melanie..." Sam's voice warned, but I ignored him.

I stretched a hand out towards Castiel and beckoned for his empty one. "Can I...?"

He hesitated, and I honestly didn't expect him to go along with it, but finally, slowly, Castiel lifted his hand and placed it lightly in my palm. My skin hummed where we were connected, an electric current pulsing just below the surface, and his eyes widened slightly. 

"I won't hurt you, Castiel." I itched to pull him close but waited until I felt the full weight of his hand before curling my fingers around his and placing his palm flat against my chest. "'I didn't abandon you,'" I quoted the words he'd said when I was first captured by Lucifer back to him. "'I'm here.'"

Castiel's eyes slipped closed, and he drew in a shaky breath as the syringe rolled out of his fingers and onto the floor. "Melanie." 

His voice was ragged with pain, reminding me of a wounded animal, so I squeezed gently and held tight to his hand while closing the remaining distance between us. I ran my free hand down the side of his face, and he leaned into the touch.

"You're okay, Castiel. You're okay."

Everything happened pretty fast after that.

Castiel's whole body sagged against me, and I had barely gotten my arms around him when Dean materialized at my side, taking the brunt of the angel's weight.

"Cas?" Dean tapped the guy's face worriedly. "Hey, wake up, man. Cas!"

"Get him to the bed," one of the nurses ordered. 

Sam shouldered me out of the way, and though I was grateful for his help, I still missed the feel of Castiel against me. I immediately felt this pull to be close to him again. Before I knew it, my feet had carried me to the head of his bed, and I was running my fingers through his dark hair. 

The other nurse approached us with a needle in hand and injected something straight into Castiel's deltoid. "Ativan," she told me as she pulled away. "It'll keep him under for a bit longer so we can get an order for restraints."

"Restraints?" Dean asked incredulously. She nodded.

"That'll only freak him out more," I added. 

"We can't take a chance on him hurting someone the next time he wakes up."

Dean had one hand on Castiel's arm but held his other out in a placating manner. "You really don't want to do that."

She shrugged. "I'm doing what I have to in order to keep your brother and my coworkers safe. I'm sorry that you disagree with our methods, but this is a necessary action." Her brown eyes flicked over to my face. "It's only temporary."

I pressed my lips together and looked down at Castiel's face. She was right, and I couldn't deny it, but maybe I could do something to help. "At least let us stay with him so we can explain things when he does wake up. It might make it a little easier for him to accept."

"Fine," she finally said, and we all breathed a sigh of relief. The nurse held up a finger. "But! But if he does the same thing over again, they'll send him straight to the psych unit, and he'll be put into isolation, so I hope you know what you're doing."

"Thank you, really," Sam told her, but he was met with a shake of the nurse's head. 

"Don't thank me until we get him stable. Now, I'm going to need someone to sign off on some paperwork for the restraints and apparently give me a little more history on Castiel's mental status." She pulled the blanket up over his chest and arched a brow. "So? Who wants to be the bad guy?"

Dean squared his shoulders and stepped forward, but Sam patted his brother on the back. "I'll go," he said. "You have a better chance of reaching him than I do, Dean."

"Alright, then." The nurse waved a hand towards the door. "Right this way, Mr. Winchester." She led Sam out of the room, and Dean sunk into a chair with a heavy sigh. 

"You okay?" I asked tentatively. I didn't want to poke the bear that is Dean Winchester, but he didn't look so hot.

"Just tired," he mumbled while rubbing his eyes.

I glanced back down at Castiel's now peaceful face and sighed. "I can keep an eye on him if you need to go."

"You're joking, right?" Dean leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes as he spoke. "Dude will kill me if he hurts you because I'm not there to stop him."

I snorted. "He's not gonna hurt me."

Dean's green eyes snapped open and stared at me. "No? You sure about that, sweetheart?"

"Positive," I retorted, raising a brow in Dean's direction. "I'm not a threat, and he knows that deep down. The only reason he freaked out earlier was because he didn't know what was going on."

"And you think he won't freak out on you when he first wakes up, when he's tied down and can't move?"

"Think about it, Dean. If the last thing you remembered was getting stabbed, and then you woke up in a strange place with strange people poking and prodding you, wouldn't you be a little weirded out at first?"

"Well, yeah, but--"

"But what if you woke up and Sam or Cas was the first person you saw, and they were immediately reassuring you that you were okay? Wouldn't that make a difference?"

"M'still not leaving," Dean grumbled while closing his eyes.

"Stubborn-ass Winchester," I muttered. Dean raised his middle finger in my direction, and I grinned before looking around the room. "You didn't happen to see Castiel's hospital gown anywhere, did you? He'll freeze without anything on."

"Try the corner. I think I saw it when Cas kicked me."

I grabbed the piece of fabric off the floor and pulled the blanket down to Castiel's waist. Slipping his arms in the sleeves was easy, but I realized I wouldn't be able to tie it without some assistance. "Hey, do you mind helping me out real quick?"

Dean pushed off the chair and circles around to the other side of the bed and looked from me to Castiel and back again. "How do you want to do this?"

"Well," I told him, "one of us needs to hold him up while the other ties the gown behind him, so pick a job, cowboy. How intimate do you wanna get with your best friend?"

Dean shot me another glare, but this one didn't seem to have as much heat behind it as usual. "You probably aren't strong enough to support him, so I guess I'll have to hold him, won't I?"

I raised a brow. "Looking to cop a feel while he's out of it?" I teased.

"Shut up and help me," he snapped. 

I smirked and snaked a hand under Castiel's shoulders while Dean did the same thing on the other side, and together--which was a feat in and if itself considering Dean still loathed me--we managed to sit the angel up in bed. From there, Dean wrapped his other arm around him and leaned Castiel's head on his shoulder while I quickly secured the gown behind him. My fingers trailed over the fresh bandage on Castiel's back, and a shiver ran through him. I could feel Dean's eyes on me then, but I refused to meet his gaze until Castiel was at least settled back on the bed.

I went back to absently running my fingers through Castiel's messy hair, but Dean remained where he was and folded his arms tightly across his chest while continuing to stare at me. "What?" I snapped. 

"Am I supposed to pretend like I didn't see what just happened?"

"Do whatever you want, Winchester. I don't care," I huffed, my eyes never leaving Castiel's face.

Dean gripped the bed rail and leaned forward. "Look," he explained, "I know that according to Lucifer you two are supposed to be soulmates or whatever, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me immediately accept every weird part of your connection. Some things I'm gonna question, so get used to it."

I took a breath, steeling myself so I wouldn't bite his freaking head off. "Dean," I gritted out, "how many times do I have to tell you that I'm not here to hurt Castiel? You guys found me, remember? I didn't make you walk into that diner, and I certainly didn't make you come back later to save my ass. I didn't make you come to Charleston to hunt the devil, and I didn't ask you to save me yet again. Frankly, I'm getting pretty tired of being the damsel in distress, but those were choices that you guys made, not me.

"I didn't ask to have visions at all, about anything, but I do, and I deal with it, like a friggin' adult. I didn't ask to see Castiel die every. Single. Night. I prayed that it wouldn't happen, and I didn't mean to fall in love with him, but I did." I leaned across the bed and leveled a hard stare at Dean. "I'm here now, and I will be for as long as he wants me around, so get used to it because I'm tired of your shit."

The older Winchester's eyes narrowed, and his jaw ticked a few times before he smirked and stood up straight. "I've got my eye on you, sweetheart."

That's it, I thought. I'm gonna kill him.

"For the love of--"

"Hey, guys," Sam said, strolling back into the room with the nurse on his heels. "How is he?"

My mouth snapped shut, and I forced a smile onto my face. "Fine, Sam. He's still out, but we got his gown back on."

"Good. Kate has the, uh, restraints ready," he told us reluctantly, and Dean and I both stared at the straps in the nurse's hands.

"I still think this is a bad idea," Dean muttered quietly while moving back to his chair.

"Think what you want," the nurse, Kate as I now knew her to be, commented, "but I don't feel like getting stabbed today, so your brother has to wear them for a little while until we can establish that he's no longer a threat."

Dean pursed his lips and kept his eyes glued to the nurse as she worked. His jaw clenched as she attached the straps to the bed, and the muscles in his arms flexed hard when she tightened the straps to Castiel's wrists. It was obvious he wanted to stop her--hell, we all did--but there was nothing we could really do at that point. We'd just have to wait until he woke up later to explain things. Which reminded me...

I locked eyes with Sam and tilted my head towards his brother. Sam nodded and cleared his throat. "Dean, why don't you go get some sleep? We'll stay here and watch out for Cas."

"Nah, man. I'm good," Dean fired back instantly. 

"Dean," Sam tried again, "you're beat, and we're gonna need you later. You won't be any good to us if you're dragging around half awake." He tossed the Impala's keys onto the older Winchester's lap. "Go. I've got this."

Dean stared at Castiel for a few long moments before scooping up the keys and standing. "I'll be back later," he said while patting the angel's leg. "Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone." With that he walked out, laying a hand on Sam's shoulder as he passed by.

The nurse finished checking Castiel over and told us she'd be by later to check on us before following Dean out, and Sam and I shared a heavy sigh as we settled in to wait.


	2. Chapter 2

"Think he knows we're here?"

Sam and I had been sitting bedside for the last few hours, and I was studying the way the tendons of Castiel's left hand moved under his skin as I held it when Sam broke the silence. 

"I think on some level, yeah." My eyes moved to the angel's face. "Maybe that's why he's resting so easy."

"He's not gonna be happy when he wakes up," Sam said begrudgingly. 

I sighed--seems like I was doing that a lot since I met Castiel. "The restraints are bad enough, but when he finds out Lucifer stole the rest of his grace?" I shook my head. "He's gonna be pissed."

"Did Lucifer say whether or not he actually used Cas's grace?" Sam asked, stretching his arms over his head. I shook my head. "Well maybe we can find out and get it back."

His tone was hopeful, and I was new to this world, but even I knew the chances were slim. I glanced back at Castiel's face. "I hope so, Sam. I really do."   
_____________

I was asleep when I felt someone nudging my shoulder. Cracking open an eye, I stared blearily at the offender. 

"Dean's back." Sam hiked a thumb over his shoulder towards the door. "I'm gonna go do laundry and stock up on our supplies. You want in?"

"I'll stay," I mumbled. 

"Need anything?"

I shook my head and buried my face in the crook of Castiel's arm. Sam chuckled lowly and said something else, but I was already drifting, Castiel's scent pulling me back under.  
_____________

The surface under my cheek shifted, and I frowned. I didn't want to wake up yet. Just as I got comfortable, it happened again, and my eyes popped open. 

Castiel's fist was opening and closing slowly, the tan skin taut over his knuckles, and I jerked back, my head whipping around so fast I thought for sure I'd break my neck. His eyes were still closed, but a deep frown was etched into his features, and he winced, the frown turning to a grimace. 

"Castiel?" I whispered. The angel blinked several times, and I could've cried at the first glimpse of blue I'd seen in what felt like ages. I laid my hand on his forearm where my cheek had been and rubbed my thumb along it while he focused. Finally, Castiel's eyes landed on my face, and I couldn't help the smile that escaped. "Hi."

"Melanie?" He asked, his voice thick with sleep. I nodded, and Castiel looked around before trying to raise his arm. His eyes turned hard, distrusting. "What--"

"You got violent last time," I quickly supplied. "The nurses didn't have a choice but to strap you down."

"Last time?" he questioned. 

"Last time you woke up, Castiel. They were trying to bathe you, and you flipped out. You were threatening everyone with a needle and syringe. Do you remember any of that?"

"No." He looked away, his jaw clenching. "I...I didn't hurt anyone, did I?" 

"No." 

He visibly relaxed at that, and his eyes closed briefly before coming back to me. "The last thing I remember is Lucifer stabbing me. He has my grace?"

"He said he did, but I don't know if there's any left." I pressed the call button and held Castiel's hand between mine. "They need to check you out since you're awake. You gonna be good?"

Castiel laid his head back against the pillow. "Do I have to?" I raised a brow at him, and the corners of his mouth curved up. "I suppose."

"Good," I grinned back. "I'd hate to do another lullaby, Mr. Banner."

Confusion twisted his features. "Banner?"

I laughed and shook my head. "Just a reference to a movie, Castiel. I'll explain it later."

The nurse, a different one from that morning, walked in and her eyes widened when she saw Castiel was conscious. "Mr. Winchester, hi."

Castiel hesitated before speaking. "Hello. I apologise for my earlier actions. I wasn't aware of what I was doing, and I hope I wasn't too much trouble."

Her face softened, and a small smile pulled at her lips. "That's quite alright, Mr. Winchester," she said, stepping up to the bedside opposite where I was sitting. It was that move that made me realize Dean wasn't around. 

"Excuse me, miss...?"

"Natalie," she supplied. 

"Natalie, do you know where my brother-in-law went to?" Castiel stiffened some at the title but settled down when l stroked the back of his wrist. 

Natalie fiddled with Castiel's I.V. for a moment before answering. "He said something about checking out the rest of the hospital." She shrugged. "I guess he needed to stretch his legs."

"Sounds like him," I laughed, only half serious. I had no idea what Dean was really like, but it seemed like a good thing to say, and I spied his cell in the chair across the room with his jacket. "Hey, Castiel? I'm gonna go call Sam and let him know you're up. That'll give Natalie here a chance to check you over good."

He tilted his head while gripping my hand, and I swear he had practiced that pitiful look in the mirror. It was freaking adorable. "You're leaving?"

"I'll be right outside the door," I told him. "I promise if you need anything, all you have to do is call out, okay?"

He seemed to accept that, but his brows stayed pulled together. "Don't be too long," Castiel murmured. 

"Just a quick call, and I'll be right back." I pushed his hair back and smiled. "I love you."

The full wattage grin I got in return made my heart thump wildly in my chest. "I love you, too."

Giving his hand a final squeeze, I scooped up Dean's cell and walked out, leaving the door open just a crack. Nurse or not, I wasn't gonna leave my angel alone with just anyone. 

I used the password I'd seen Dean trace on his phone and scrolled through the contacts until I found the name I wanted and hit send.

"Hello?"

"Sam, hey."

"Melanie? What's wrong? Where's Dean?"

"I woke up and he was gone for a walk, but he left his phone," I explained. "Listen, Castiel is awake, and the nurse is checking on him now."

A pause. "Is he...?"

"Sane?" I huffed a laugh. "Yeah, Sam. He doesn't even remember last time he woke up."

"Well thank Chuck for that," he muttered. 

Chuck? Who the heck was Chuck, and why was Sam thanking him. "Who?"

"Uh, Chuck, or well, technically God is his real name."

My jaw dropped. "Like capital 'G?'"

"That's the one. It's a long story."

"Apparently," I said dryly. "Just get over here when you can, okay? I need to get back in there."

"I'll try to find Dean when I get there. Just text me if he shows before I do."

"Sure thing. See ya soon."

The line went dead, and I blinked at the screen. How did they know God? I rolled my eyes at the absurd question. I had sex with an angel a few days ago, so of course they knew God. Big surprise. But, did that mean...? I shook my head before a migraine could set up shop. Nope. Not going there right now. I needed to get Castiel better first. The heavy stuff could wait.

I gripped the phone and have a little knock before heading back inside the tiny room. Castiel was sitting up and leaning forward, his gown untied behind his neck while the nurse changed the dressing behind his shoulder, and he grinned at me while holding his hands up.

"They let me go," he cheered, and I suppressed a giggle at his antics.

"I also gave him a dose of pain medication," Natalie added.

I raised my brows, and my smile widened. "Just what I need," I said, "is a drugged up angel."

Castiel sobered, and he held a finger to his lips. "Melanie, shh! She doesn't know I'm an angel."

The nurse finished tying his gown and laid a hand on his arm while guiding him back against the pillow. "Of course you're an angel, sugar. Now you just lay back and relax some. You'll probably be moving to the main floor tonight or tomorrow morning. Better enjoy the peace while you've got it."

I looked at her questioningly. "He's going to Med-Surg?"

Natalie nodded. "Soon as the doctor clears him for transfer. There's less privacy on that floor, but Castiel doesn't qualify for ICU anymore."

"Oh. I guess that makes sense, but what all will they be doing there?"

"Most likely they'll keep the fluids going and keep an eye out for any sign that he's not healing like he should." She straightened up the room while she talked. "Of course, there'll be more pain meds, too. Lord knows your fiance is going to need them."

"We can do that at home," Dean mentioned from his spot at the door. I jumped and glared at him over my shoulder. Freaking Winchester, always sneaking up on people. He just grinned and gave us a little wave. "Hey, Cas! How you doing?"

Castiel smiled and pointed at his nurse. "She gave me my wings back, Dean! I can fly!"

Dean glanced at me. "Drugs?" 

"Drugs."

The hunter deflated a bit, his grin slipping some before it was firmly back in place. "Did you call Sammy?"

"Yeah," I said slowly, still staring at him. What wasn't he telling me? "Actually, you might want to text him so he doesn't go looking for you when he gets here." 

He nodded and grabbed his phone, typing out a quick message as Natalie excused herself. After a moment, Dean slid his phone into his pocket and sat down with an unreadable expression. "It's really good to see you up, man."

Without warning, Castiel's hand shot out and gripped Dean's upper arm. "Dean," he whispered, "I died last night."

The hunter opened his mouth, but nothing came out, and I swallowed hard, fighting back tears. Finally, Dean spoke, his hoarse voice betraying the forced smile on his face. "I know, Cas, but you're back now, and that's what matters."

"I'll always come back, Dean," Castiel said seriously, his blue eyes locked with Dean's green. 

Suddenly feeling like I was intruding on a very private moment, I covered my mouth before slipping outside. I kept walking as the door clicked shut behind me, the need to escape, to breathe, unbearable and taking over my body. It was like everything was finally crashing down on my chest, and my lungs couldn't quite suck in enough air. I stumbled through the heavy double doors at the end of the hall and darted towards the first emergency exit I came to, bursting outside as I dragged in a shaky breath. I sagged against the brick wall and stared up at the sky, my very soul aching. 

Castiel and the Winchesters were a family, and his bond with Dean was especially strong. I wasn't sure where or if I fit into that dynamic, and I didn't know what would happen when Castiel left the hospital. Would I go with him? Once he was thinking clearly, would he even want me to? Could I walk away if he told me to? I couldn't imagine a life without him, not now that I'd gotten a taste. I'd take all the horror and gore if I could just stay by my angel's side. Nothing else mattered anymore. 

As if on cue, my heart gave a painful tug towards where I knew the ICU was inside the hospital. Castiel needed me, at least for the time being, and I had to stay strong for him.

I wiped my face and pushed away from the sun warmed wall, squaring my shoulders with determination. I gave the doorknob a mighty yank...and almost jerked my arm out of its socket. Groaning, I tilted my head back and squinted at the sun with my arms spread wide. 

"Can't give me a break, can you?" I yelled, but my only answer was a salty breeze tickling my face with curls that had fallen free from my messy bun. "Figures," I muttered and jogged towards the front of the building.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a few days, but it was a long chapter, so it all evens out.
> 
> I'm heading to SPNNash this weekend, so it may be Monday before I get a new chapter up. My apologies for the wait, but I've been looking forward to my first con for a while. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!

Freaking hospital. 

Freaking God, thinks He's so funny.

Freaking gates over random-ass sidewalks that make you have to go even further out of your way to get to the front of the building AFTER you already had to take a ladder to get down from your second story emergency exit that lead onto a freaking gravel-covered roof.

I was trudging up yet another section of road trying to find an entrance that wasn't locked when I heard the distinct sound of footsteps on the pavement behind me. I pulled my jacket tighter around myself as the memory of the last time I was caught on a street alone rushed to the forefront of my mind. Resisting the urge to look over my shoulder, I picked up my pace and turned the next corner I came to.

"Shit," I hissed. 

What I thought would be a break turned out to be a tiny alcove in the side of the building surrounding what looked like another emergency exit. I flattened myself against the wall, my ears straining to hear the now slowing footsteps, and prayed for a way out.

Just then, someone walked out the door, and I ducked my head as the man passed, just barely catching it before it could close. I tried to shut it behind me, but it was one of those super-heavy, super-slow, safety doors that only goes so fast so it doesn't squish you on the way through, and a pale, slender hand wrapped around the edge as I backed away. A blonde woman with an unnerving smile stepped inside, and she pointed at me. 

"Melanie Wilson," she said. "I thought that was you."

"Do I know you?"

"Me?" She shook her head. "No, dear, but I know you, or who you've been tagging around with anyway." I just stared at her, careful not to let my expression give anything away. Her head tilted to the right. "Castiel? The former angel? It's unnatural for a human to have sexual relations with an angel, regardless of your...supposed 'connection,'" she added.

"Gotta admit, it's pretty weird that you're keeping tabs on my sex life," I quipped. "Do all angels get off on voyeurism, or is it just you?" Oh no. Apparently a week of sassing the devil made my lady balls grow three sizes.

Her face darkened, and she stepped towards me, her fists clenched at her sides. "Listen here, you ape," she spit. "You don't belong here. You don't belong with Castiel, and I intend to wipe you from existence myself!"

She threw herself at me then, knocking me hard into the wall, and I threw my arm up to block her angel blade as it flew down towards my chest. Let me tell you, going hand to hand with an angel sucks, because hitting them is like hitting a brick wall, so when her forearm collided with mine, I'm not embarrassed to say that I screamed like a little girl. It hurt like a bitch, but I managed to bring my leg around and knock her off balance. It wasn't much, although it did allow me to squeeze away and take off down the hall. I just needed a crowded area, and then she'd leave me alone. I was certain of it.

I heard her chasing after me, but I didn't dare take the time to look over my shoulder. I could hear people up ahead, and I pushed myself harder until I was flying passed the nurses' station--much to those people's confusion--and through another set of doors. A sign hanging from the ceiling above told me I was heading straight for the lobby. The lobby meant more people and elevators, which was exactly what I needed to throw her off my trail. I slowed down to a jog as I entered the open area and saw Sam waiting to board the next available elevator. 

Perfect! Maybe God was giving me a break after all.

The doors opened, and several people filtered out before Sam stepped on alone. I practically jumped through the crack, panting hard as I doubled over to catch my breath. 

"Melanie?!" I grinned up at the younger Winchester and waved before pulling a marker from my pocket and scrawling sigils on the walls. Sam continued to stare, his face the picture of bewilderment. "What are you doing?!"

"Angel...downstairs...gotta...protect...Castiel," I huffed as the doors opened on our floor.

Sam nodded once and guided me out and down the hall by the elbow, his other hand in his jacket pocket and eyes scanning the area. "We've gotta get him out of here," he whispered as we passed a group of people. 

"I know this, Sam," I growled. "They were already talking about transferring him to the floor. Maybe we can just sign an AMA? As long as we have the right supplies, I can take care of him no problem."

Sam chewed on the inside of his cheek as he pressed the buzzer to the ICU. "We'll talk it over and see what they want to do."

That did nothing to assuage the pit in my stomach. 

We were let inside the unit and quickly made our way to Castiel's room. He was still a little high from the morphine, but Dean had managed to calm him down some while I was gone, so he could at least carry on a serious conversation. Peace washed over me as soon as I saw Castiel's face, and I went straight to his side, lacing our fingers together and bringing the back of his hand to my cheek.

"Why did you leave?" he asked.

"I just needed some air, Castiel," I sighed. "It wasn't anything you did."

"I missed you."

I tried and failed to smile at him. There was just too much happening for me to be able to manage that. "I missed you, too."

Sam cleared his throat and looked at Dean. "Speaking of angels," he announced, "Melanie had an interesting run in with one earlier."

Castiel's eyes snapped onto my face, and I swear I heard an actual growl rip from his throat. Talk about sobering up. "What happened?"

"I got locked outside, and one followed me back into the hospital. I hadn't warded that area yet, and we fought some, but I got away." 

"You good?" Dean questioned.

I nodded. "A little bruising, but I'm fine," I insisted. Castiel narrowed his eyes. "Really, I'm okay, but they know you're here, Castiel, so we've got to make some kind of plan."

"We can't just hole up in the hospital and hope they leave us alone," Dean commented, wiping a hand dowwwn his face. "I say we make a break for it."

"I can handle his wound care myself," I told Dean. "Get me the proper supplies, and we're golden."

"It's a long ride back to the bunker." Sam blew out a breath in a sharp gust of air. "We might not make it."

"How did they even know where to find us? We're all warded except..." Dean's eyes fell on me, and he frowned. "You need to get inked, sweetheart."

I blinked in surprise. "I'm sorry. What now?"

Castiel pulled his hospital gown up over his left hip and showed me the tattoo he had there. I'd seen It's on him, but I never thought to ask the reasoning behind the mark. "It's for protection," he explained. "It hides the wearer from angels, so they can't find you."

"And this one," Sam pulled his collar down to expose a flaming star on his chest, "is to keep you from being possessed by demons."

"But you don't have that one," I pointed out to Castiel. 

He shrugged. "As an angel, I never needed it, though you do raise an interesting question. Perhaps it would be best if I got the anti-possession tattoo while you got the others?"

"Can't man." Dean rested his cheek on his fist. "You just had surgery, so no tattoos for a while. Your body needs time to heal."

"I'll go with you, then," Castiel said while squeezing my hand.

I shook my head. "That's sweet, but it's not like I can get one before we leave the hospital anyway. Will drawing it on work?"

"It'll have to," Sam sighed. "Where do you want it?"

I frowned. I had never really thought about getting a tattoo, but suddenly the placement was everything, even if it wasn't permanent yet. It had to be somewhere hidden so others couldn't see it but also easily accessible for one of the guys to draw it on before we left. 

"My shoulder, I guess?"

Sam nodded and held his hand out for the black marker I'd been using earlier, but Castiel snatched it away, and we all stared at him in shock. "I'll take care of that, Sam. You and Dean should go make sure you sign the necessary paperwork to get me out of here before anyone else tries to kill one of us."

Sam gaped at Castiel, and Dean raised his brows at the angel before slapping his thigh and standing. "You heard him, Sammy." 

"Yeah, sure, Dean. Let's go, uh, do paperwork." The two hurried from the room, shutting the door behind them while I turned to face Castiel. 

"What was that about?"

He fiddled with the marker, capping and uncapping it before holding it under his nose. "What was what?" he asked, taking a sniff and scowling.

I jerked the marker away from him. "You!" I exclaimed. "Why did you get all macho on Sam when he offered to draw the wards for me?" Castiel sighed and raised his eyes to meet mine. Damn those dark eyelashes, I thought. They'd be the death of me for sure. 

"I appear to be more...protective of you lately," he explained. "Normally I would chalk it up to my being human, but I can't do that honestly this time."

"So? What's the real reason?"

Castiel hesitated and dropped his gaze. "I don't...ever since Lucifer took you, I just..." He huffed and his jaw clenched. Looking away, he said, "I don't like to see other people's hands on you, Melanie. I don't trust anyone else to take care of you like I can."

I turned his face back to me and left my palm on his stubbled cheek. "I'm a big girl, Castiel. I can take care of myself. Besides, you asked Sam to look after me if something happened to you."

Castiel's blue eyes hardened. "But I'm here now, and it pains me to see someone else touch you, even Sam and Dean."

I dropped my hand. "Why though? I trust them because you do, Castiel! Why do you have a problem with that?"

"Because I'm afraid you'll leave!" he snapped, his voice breaking towards the end.

Might as well have slapped me.

We sat in silence, save for Castiel's ragged breathing. I wanted to deny it, to say I would never leave him, I wasn't going anywhere, but the fact was, I already had. We both knew it. We both still hurt because of it. We both hadn't forgotten that my actions lead to Castiel sitting in that hospital bed, fists clenched on top of the thin blanket. Finally, he squeezed his eyes shut and lay back against the pillow. 

"I just don't want you to leave again," Castiel whispered. "I can't take it if you go."

"I'm sorry." I barely heard myself speak, but I didn't know what else to say. 

Castiel blew out a breath and shook his head. "It's fine," he said, grabbing the marker. "Turn around and remove your jacket so I can draw the warding."

"Shirt, too?" I asked while shedding my coat.

Castiel swallowed and nodded. "If you want, but it is not necessary. I can perform the task with your shirt on if it makes you more comfortable."

I raised a brow at him and stripped my shirt off as well, pulling it forward so that my head was out, but it still covered my arms and chest, before taking a seat on the edge of the bed. I felt Castiel move slowly up behind me, and my skin tingled as he brushed a stray hair away from my skin.

"Be very still," Castiel murmured. "There is no room for error. If these are not exact, the wards are void, and you are at risk. Understand?"

I licked my lips. "Yes."

"Good."

It was strangely intimate sitting there while Castiel drew on my skin, and I wondered if it would have been the same of he had let Sam do it instead. Probably not, I decided. It wasn't the action being performed but the person performing it that set a charge in the air. Castiel moved slowly, each stroke of the marker precise, and I had to concentrate on my breathing when he placed his warm palm on my opposite shoulder to steady me.

"I knew."

His rough voice caught me off guard. "What?"

"Sam asked if I knew you were with me when I was out. The answer is yes."

My breathing hitched, and Castiel applied more pressure to my shoulder, a reminder to keep still. "I thought you might," I whispered. 

Castiel hummed, and I closed my eyes as the sound went straight to my core. "After my surgery, your touch brought me out of total darkness. I was in a constant state of flux while unconscious," he continued, "though I was never fully awake. It was as if I was swimming but couldn't seem to breach the surface of the water. The closer I got, the clearer my surroundings became, and I could feel the people around me. Sometimes I could even hear them.

"I panicked when I didn't recognize the voices around me, and I blacked out again." He paused and lifted the marker off of my skin. "I was afraid Lucifer had taken me and killed you and that everything I had experienced was a lie, a form of psychological torture to make me vulnerable."

"I'm sorry you felt that way," I said over my shoulder. 

Castiel's hand slid down my back and settled on my hip, where he gave me a gentle squeeze. He placed a kiss on my spine and leaned his forehead against that spot, and I could feel his breath on my skin as he spoke. "I'm sorry I couldn't do more to protect you from all of this."

I turned and took his face in my hands. "I don't blame you for anything, Castiel. Besides," I smiled, "my boyfriend is an angel."

"Was," he corrected, but I shook my head and leaned in.

"Is," I whispered against his lips.

Castiel groaned and pulled me closer as our mouths moved together but halted abruptly just as his tongue brushed mine. "I've gotten over having these all these cords attached to my body," he sighed, and I laughed before planting a kiss on his cheek.

"You're almost outta here, sunshine. Just a little longer." I pulled on my shirt just as the door opened, and we both looked at it as the older Winchester entered. Dean held up several pages worth of forms and crossed the room in two long strides, a nurse hot on his heels.

"Mr. Winchester," she said, "I really don't think it's a good idea for you to leave just yet."

"But," Dean countered, "as I was telling Anna here, a family emergency is a family emergency, and since you're doing pretty well, we need to get to Atlanta STAT." He gave us both a meaningful look before slapping the papers down onto Castiel's tray and sliding it in front of the angel. "We just need a couple of signatures from you, Cas, and we're good to go. So, you know, sign away, buddy."

"Mr. Winchester, please--"

Castiel held up a hand to silence the young woman and beckoned for a pen. "My family needs me," he told her seriously, "and I always come when they call." 

I covered my snort with a cough and patted my chest a few times. "Sorry, allergies."

Castiel lifted a brow at me, and I shrugged. I couldn't help my initial reaction to all the bullshit they were putting on. It was hilarious. He turned back to the nurse and took her pen. "Where's Sam?" he asked while signing the forms.

"He's getting you some clean clothes," Sam announced, holding a plastic bag above his head as he walked in. 

"This is a really bad idea," Anna murmured. 

I laid my hand on her arm. "I've got experience with advanced wound care. I'll take good care of him. Promise."

She huffed and threw her hands up before gathering the paperwork. "Whatever. Get your stuff and go. You're not my responsibility anymore." She left in a hurry, slamming the door behind her.

"Well she was pleasant," I said dryly.

"Oh yeah," Dean muttered. "It was all sunshine and rainbows getting her in here."

"But at least you got it done, so let's get out of here."

Castiel pushed the tray away and started pulling wires away from his body before swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. "I may need some assistance," he told us.

"Shit. She left without removing your IV." I pointed to a roll of gauze on the table across the room. "Will someone hand me that, please?" Sam tossed it over, and I carefully unhooked and removed the IV line from Castiel's hand before wrapping it tight. "There."

Castiel stood up and swayed a bit, his eyes blowing wide open as he tried to regain his balance. His hand shot out to grasp my shoulder, and I stumbled with him, both of us falling towards the bed in a tangle of limbs. Sam and Dean both rushed over to help us, but it was too late. Castiel's back hit the bed rail hard, and he fell to his knees with a groan as I tried to catch him. 

"Castiel! Oh God, are you alright?" I slipped my hands under his arms just as Dean got there. 

"Get his other side," Dean instructed, taking Castiel's left. 

We hauled him back up onto the bed, and my hands flew to his gown, making quick work of the ties so I could check his stitches. "They're bleeding some on your back but didn't break, thank goodness." I breathed a sigh of relief and looked at the angel's face. "Are you okay?"

"I may have overestimated my ability to do things on my own." Castiel grimaced while covering the wound on his chest with his hand. "I'm afraid I'll need some assistance dressing before we leave."

I glanced at Dean, raising my eyebrows in a silent question, and he sighed. "Sammy, can you bring the car around and grab us a wheelchair while we get Cas ready?"

"Yeah, sure." Sam turned to leave, and I grabbed his sleeve.

"Thank you, Sam." He smiled and pulled away, shutting the door behind him as he left. I grabbed the bag of clothes from the foot of the bed and pulled out a flannel shirt, boxers, and jeans. "Okay, Castiel. Shirt first, then we'll do the rest. You ready?"

He took a deep breath and nodded. "Do I have a choice?" he asked, the corners of his mouth curving upwards in a small smile.

I shook my head with a grin. Taking care of Castiel was definitely going to be interesting.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really, really sorry for the weeklong wait. Last weekend was amazing, but I've been playing catch up all week and haven't had much time to write. I hope this chapter is worth the wait though. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me, and thanks for reading!

Getting out of the hospital was surprisingly easy. We got Castiel into a wheelchair and downstairs without a fuss, and, after a quick stop by the pharmacy for some antibiotics and painkillers, we all piled into the Impala without any angels or demons or crazy people getting in our way. Dean dropped by the motel to grab our things and check out, and after that, we hit the road.

It was a two day drive to Kansas, even with Dean behind the wheel, so Castiel and I attempted to get comfortable in the backseat. We shifted several times over the course of a few hours, but eventually, we ended up half-laying across the seat, Castiel's head and upper body in my lap. I ran my fingers absently through his dark hair and gradually succumbed to the gentle rock of the car under my body, drifting off into a deep sleep.

Voices pulled me towards consciousness sometime later.

"...have time for this, Sammy. Mom and Jack are still gone, and now with Cas down--" There was a short pause followed by a sharp intake of breath. "I don't know, man. It just feels like we're losing ground."

"We'll get them back, Dean."

"You don't know that for sure, not really."

"Look," Sam started, "Melanie can look after Cas while we track down the remaining ingredients for the spell. She'll take good care of him."

"See, that's another thing," Dean said in a hushed voice. "Cas is human now, which means we're more limited than we were before. The hits just keep on coming."

Someone sighed--probably Sam based on the direction it came from. "I can't believe Lucifer is running Heaven. I mean, what were the other angels thinking?"

"There's no telling what he promised them. Cas said they wanted to use Jack to replenish their ranks. He probably said he could help."

"Still..."

The brothers grew quiet, but I could sense an uneasy air in the car. Castiel stirred and released a long groan. I wasn't sure what time it was, but he was most likely due for some pain medication and a dose of antibiotics. I shifted on the seat and pushed myself up a little, being careful not to jostle the angel more than absolutely necessary. 

"What time is it?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.

"Just after midnight," Dean called softly over his shoulder. 

I hummed and glanced out the windows, looking for a road sign or landmark or anything to give me an idea of where we were. It was too dark to see much more than the curve of the road in the headlights, so after a few minutes I sighed. "Where are we?"

"Hopefully close to a damn motel," he answered. "I need some sleep."

"Want me to take over?" Sam asked, but Dean shook his head.

"Nah, I'm good. We'll stop at the next place we find."

"Might want to hurry," I told him, and both brothers looked at me over the back of their seat. "Castiel is getting restless, and he's going to need to be able to get comfortable again after I give him his meds because they'll probably knock him on his ass."

"I can assure you that is not the case," the angel grumbled, and I quirked and eyebrow at him as his eyes cracked open.

"Oh no?"

"I can more than handle the effects of human medicine."

"Castiel," I said softly, "I love you, but I don't want to pick you up and carry you to bed. It'll be a lot easier if you're already there when you pass out again."

He narrowed his eyes at me before giving a noncommittal grunt and closing them again. "I use to be able to drink copious amounts of liquor without feeling anything. Why should narcotics be any different?"

"Because you're human now, Cas," Dean explained. "What we've got isn't as strong as what they gave you in the hospital, but it's still enough to make a man your size have to sit down. Just try to relax for a few more miles, okay, buddy?"

"Take your time, Dean. I'm comfortable enough where I am." Castiel reached his hand up towards me until his fingers could intertwine with my own. Tucking our hands under his cheek, he gave a quiet sigh and ran his nose along my inner wrist. The action sent tingles up my arm, and I shivered as he planted a kiss at the base of my palm.

"Yeah, you say that now," Dean muttered. His eyes flashed in the rearview mirror. "You got stabbed by freaking Lucifer, Cas. If it wasn't for Melanie there you'd still be in the hospital, and we'd be freaking out about keeping you safe."

"You worry too much."

"Someone has to," Dean shot back. "You always rush into things without thinking, and you're not as resilient as you were! You're human now, and you're vulnerable. It's time you act like it."

Castiel tensed, and his lips pressed into a thin line. The hunter had obviously struck a nerve. I ran my free hand up Castiel's jaw to his hair and tried to get him to relax, but it didn't seem to have an effect on him. The muscle in his jaw worked furiously for a few moments before he blew a breath out of his nose. 

The angel got really still after his body relaxed, and I had started to think he'd fallen asleep again until several minutes later when we the car was jostled by a bump in the road. Castiel gasped, his eyes flying open and arm rushing to grip his shoulder.

"You're okay. You're fine. I'm here, Castiel. You're okay," I chanted in his ear. His jaw locked up again as he tried to contain a long groan. "Dean, can we go any faster?" I called. 

"I'm doing the best I can! Just give him the pills now and we'll deal with the consequences later!"

"He needs rest, Dean, in an actual bed, not the backseat of a car!"

"There's a motel about two miles up the road on the left," Sam announced as he looked up from his phone, its screen casting eerie shadows across his face. "We'll stop there."

"Thank goodness," I breathed. 

Soon enough, the red glow of a neon vacancy sign shone up ahead, and Dean steered the Impala into the near empty lot, jumping out as soon as she was parked. He left her running and ran inside before emerging a couple of minutes later. "End of the building," he said as he tossed Sam the room keys and slid behind the wheel. Dean threw the car into reverse and let her roll into a parking spot right in front of the last room, number thirteen. 

"Hopefully that's good luck," I told Castiel as I pointed to the door.

"Doubtful," he grunted. "In most cultures the number thirteen is unlucky, and some even believe it correlates with death. This country seems to be the only one that has mixed reviews concerning the numeral. Most think it's bad, but many people also believe it to be good." He squinted over at my face as Dean opened the door to the backseat. "You seem to fall in company with the likes of Taylor Swift."

"Um, thank you?" I huffed a tiny laugh, unsure exactly if that was supposed to be a compliment. 

"You're welcome," Castiel replied. "That young woman has had a very successful career, so perhaps thirteen is a lucky number."

"Or maybe it doesn't mean anything except for what people want it to mean," Dean muttered. 

I grinned. "Not a fan of omens, are we?"

Dean ducked his head inside the car and stared at me. "Omens I get, but I'm not a big fan of all that destiny crap."

"Dean enjoys telling celestial beings where they can shove their prophecies and fate," Castiel explained as the hunter gripped his upper arm and helped him out.

I slid across the seat just in case my angel fell (huh, not gonna read too much into that) backwards so I could catch him, but between the Winchester brothers, Castiel was in more than capable hands. He was soon standing upright between them and just barely swaying. Dean left Sam and Castiel leaning against the side of the car while he jogged around to the trunk and popped the lid. I circled the car, running a hand along the angel's abdomen as I passed, and stood by Dean's side. I reached in the trunk and grabbed two of the large duffels before slinging them over my shoulder. Dean raised his eyebrows at me, but I just raised mine back, silently challenging him to tell me to put them down. He pursed his lips and shook his head as he lifted the false bottom and began filling a different bag with various guns, knives, and other items while I turned away. 

Sam and Castiel had shuffled over to the room, so I followed them thru the open door. Sam helped ease Castiel onto the bed, and I immediately dropped the bags and began searching for his medicine. When I found the bottles, I scooped them into my hand and strode towards the bathroom for a glass of water. I handed the paper cup to Castiel and knelt in front of him.

"This one is to keep you from getting an infection," I told him as I poured a large capsule into his palm, "and these are to make the pain go away." Two more pills went into his tan hand, and I met Castiel's eyes briefly. 

"Thank you," he murmured and shook his palm before tossing them back. The angel made a face as the medicine went down, and I patted his thigh with an encouraging smile.

"Let's lose this shirt. I need to change your dressings before you pass out."

"Just because you get your own room doesn't mean you can get right to the funny business," Dean announced behind us. 

I blushed while Castiel tilted his head. "You aren't staying here?"

"There are two beds," Dean deadpanned. "As much as I love you, man, I don't wanna sleep with you, so Sammy and I will be right next door."

Sam turned around from where he was drawing around the window. "You'll be protected, by the wards, but if you need anything, just bang on the wall a couple of times. We'll be right over."

I nodded and Dean handed me the smaller bag filled with various medical supplies. "I'll check on you in a few hours. Keep an eye on him until then, okay?"

"Thanks." 

"We'll be fine, Dean," Castiel assured him, but the hunter looked utterly unconvinced. 

Sam smiled at us and pulled his brother towards the door. "Get some rest, guys." He gave a small wave and finished hauling Dean outside before shutting the door behind them. 

I got up and did the latch before heading back to Castiel's side. He had already begun to shrug out of the flannel shirt he wore, so I helped him get it all the way off before removing his bandages. I gasped and ran my fingers around the edge of the wound on his back.

"What's wrong?" 

I shook my head and looked closer, but sure enough what I was seeing was real. "Castiel, your stab wound is, well, it's healing much faster than it should. I don't understand..." The edges were a healthy pink color, and the wound had closed up most of the way. Only a thin line ran between the stitches, a stark contrast to the bleeding wound I had seen hours earlier in the hospital.

My eyes went to his face, but he was examining the wound on his chest. "Strange," he murmured. "This doesn't follow the normal pattern of healing for humans."

I snorted and taped fresh bandages over his stitches. "No shit. Not to diss your good fortune or anything, but what's going on? Does it hurt?"

"The pain level hasn't changed, and I still feel weak, but physically..."

"It looks fine," I finished for him as our eyes met. 

"Perhaps it would be best not to question it?" he asked, the corner of his mouth turning upwards. 

"Agreed." 

I leaned down and kissed him gently, sighing as our lips met. He opened immediately to me, and his tongue swept into my mouth, dancing with my own, igniting the fire that still burned between us. I ached to have him closer and ran my hand along the muscles of his shoulders and back when he turned towards me, wrapping his own arms around my body.

"This is a bad idea," I whispered as he hooked a hand under my knee and pulled, but I went willingly, letting Castiel shift me onto his lap.

The angel leaned back and gazed up at me. "I don't care."

"You'll get hurt, and those pills are bound to start kicking in soon."

He grinned and planted a kiss on each of my cheeks. "You're ruining my fun."

"I'm keeping you alive," I told him.

Castiel cupped my face in his hands. "Sleep with me?"

"Only sleep?" I asked. He nodded, and I smiled. "Okay, Casanova. I'll sleep with you."

He settled back on the bed as I began changing into a t-shirt and shorts. "Casanova?" 

I snapped the waistband of the shorts and smiled. "You're a lady-killer, Castiel. Eyes like those, and a voice like that?" I bit my lower lip and let my eyes trail over his bare torso. "You could have any woman you want, you know that right?"

He silently watched me move around the room as I turned off the lights and got things ready to go to sleep, his gaze intense, pricking my skin with the charge in the air. I paused at the side of the bed, Angel blade in hand. 

"I want you, Melanie. Only you."

Ugh. My heart clenched at the sincerity in his eyes. I still didn't feel worthy of the angel before me, still didn't know why he kept me around, but I knew I loved him, needed him, had to have him and wouldn't give him up.

Turning out the light, I slipped between the sheets and slid the blade under my pillow. Castiel wrapped his arm around me and tucked me into his side. I felt him kiss my hair as his fingers stroked my back, and I melted against him, inhaling the salt on his skin. Yeah, this is where I was meant to be. It felt so right, and I dreaded having to get up later and move away from him.

"Get some sleep, Castiel," I murmured. "I love you."

"I love you, too."


	5. Chapter 5

Quiet scraping followed by a gentle click pulled me back to the land of the living. 

My body stilled, and I held my breath to better understand what had woken me up. Sliding my hand under the pillow, I gripped the angel blade I had hidden there and continued listening. I heard the sound of the motel room door being pushed open and immediately turned over in bed, launching the blade at the intruder. 

"Son of a BITCH!"

I threw my legs over the side of the bed as soon as the blade left my fingers, and I lunged towards the weapons bag on the floor, grabbing the first gun I could find and pointing it at the figure in the doorway. "Don't move!" I ordered. 

"Would you fucking relax and pull this damned thing out of my arm?! It's me!"

What?

"Melanie?" Castiel's sleep riddled voice reminded me that I needed to get between him and the impending threat. Keeping my gun trained on the person, I sidestepped over to the lamp on the bedside table and flicked it on to reveal an absolutely furious Dean Winchester pinned to the door frame. 

Oops.

I lowered the gun as my eyes grew wide. "Dean?" I squeaked. 

"Who the hell did you think it was?" he yelled. "Are you out of your freaking mind?"

Castiel shuffled around on the bed and pushed himself up to stand beside me. He squinted at the man across the room and wiped a hand down his face. "It's him," he said around a yawn and padded across the carpet as Sam materialized behind his brother. 

"What's going on? I heard yelling."

"Your brother tried to break in, and Melanie stabbed him," Castiel explained. "My apologies, Dean." The hunter let out an undignified yelp as Castiel jerked his blade out of his arm.

Dean clapped a hand over his bleeding arm and glared at his friend. "Easy, man!"

The angel shrugged and lifted an eyebrow. "I said I was sorry."

"Sorry? I'm fucking bleeding!"

Castiel leaned in and pushed Dean's hand away, examining the wound. "You'll need stitches, but you'll survive." He shuffled back to our bed and sat down before grabbing my wrist and pulling me onto his lap. "Melanie was simply protecting us against an unknown threat. Would you have preferred she do nothing?"

Dean stayed silent, but Sam was staring at Castiel with a curious expression on his face. "Cas, are you okay?" 

"I'm exhausted, but other than that, I feel fine." He leaned his head on my shoulder as I ran my fingers through his dark hair. "Why do you ask?"

Sam crossed the room in two quick strides and peeled the tape away from the bandage on Castiel's chest. "Incredible," he breathed. "Dean, c'mere."

Dean huffed and came to stand beside his brother. "What?"

"Look at his wound. It's almost completely healed."

"Wha--" Dean's jaw snapped shut as soon as he saw what Sam was talking about, and then his green eyes snapped to mine. "Did you know about this?"

I swallowed as my eyes fell to the nearly healed wound. "I saw it earlier when I was changing his dressing, and I didn't say anything because it was late, and we were all tired, and why get freaked out over a good thing, ya know?" My voice was almost a whisper by the time I was finished explaining myself, and I felt Castiel's arms tighten around my waist, a silent reassurance that he would back me up, and sure enough, his next words calmed my nerves a bit.

“I asked her not to say anything.”

“Well, why the hell not, Cas? You didn’t think maybe this little development was important?” Dean spread his arms wide as he spoke and they slapped down to his thighs when he was finished.

“Of course it is important, Dean. I simply assumed you would want to sleep instead of do more research.” The angel cocked his head to the side and widened his eyes innocently. “Was I wrong?”

Dean’s jaw locked up as he glared at his friend. I could tell that he knew Castiel was right, but he didn’t want to admit it. He shook his head and placed a hand on his hip before speaking, his voice having lost the angry edge it held just moments before. “You still should have told us, man.”

“Well we know now,” Sam told his brother. “We can either figure it out at,” he squinted down at his watch, “4:00 a.m., or we can get a couple more hours of sleep and hit it after we’ve had a little caffeine.”

“Coffee,” Dean grumbled. “Coffee first.”

Sam nodded. “That’s what I thought. Now let’s get you stitched up so we can go to sleep.”

Sam retrieved the first aid kit from the bag on the floor and started setting up a work station on the small table while my brows furrowed as I took in the hunter’s appearance. He was still bleeding from the wound on his arm, but it was his clothes that got me. Dean was wearing a pair of grey sweats and a black t-shirt and dark grey slippers. Clearing my throat, I asked, “Um, Dean, why were you breaking in here in the first place?” The hunter glanced away, his green eyes darting to where Sam was sanitizing a needle. 

Castiel noticed the exchange and narrowed his eyes at Dean. “What were you doing?” Sam grinned but otherwise kept focused on is task while his brother shifted nervously. “Dean?”

“I was coming to check on you because I was worried, alright?” The older Winchester snapped. “Are you happy now?”

“Well that was sweet,” I mumbled and flinched when Dean turned his glare on me.

Castiel’s thumb rubbed soothing circles into my lower back as he nodded. “That was very kind, Dean. Thank you.”

“I still don’t get it though,” Sam said. “You removed your grace, Cas, so you should be on your ass right now, not,” he waved a hand in the air as he tried to come up with the right words, “this. Do you have any idea what’s causing your accelerated healing?”

“I may have a theory,” Castiel admitted, looking away.

We all waited in silence for him to continue, but when it was obvious the angel was going to keep quiet, I ducked my head to catch his eye. “Castiel?” I prompted, and he sighed.

“I believe it has to do with our connection,” he explained. “You said that when Fate went back in time to bind us, she put a little bit of your soul into my grace and a little bit of my grace into your soul, so even though the majority of my grace is gone—whether hidden away somewhere or consumed by my brother—a portion of it resides within you, Melanie, and with your close proximity over the last twenty-four hours, perhaps my grace is reaching out and healing me. Of course, it isn’t working as quickly as it would if it was inside me, but it is still working regardless.”

I shook my head. “But I was with you when it happened. Where was the protection then?” I asked angrily.

Castiel shrugged. “It couldn’t prevent him from hurting me, but I think the only reason I survived was because you were right there all the way to the hospital. The surgeon did all he could to save me, but even he lost me a few times. It wasn’t until you spent an entire day at my bedside and then a several hour car ride with your arms around me that the pace of the healing took off.”

I heard what Castiel was saying, and, yeah, it made sense, but I just couldn’t bring myself to accept it, not yet. Then, my face dropped, and fear replaced the anger as a realization struck. “Oh no,” I breathed. My hands shook as I gaped at the angel in front of me. This was bad, really bad. 

“Melanie?” he asked, reaching up to cup my face. “Melanie, what’s wrong?” 

“Castiel,” I whispered, his name barely making a sound as it left my lips, “how did Lucifer know where to find me when he first kidnapped me?” He shook his head, his dark brows pulling together as he tried to figure out where I was going with this. My voice rose, taking on an urgent tone as my stomach dropped. “How did he know we were on the beach? How did he know exactly where to find us if he couldn’t track your grace? How did he know?”

“Melanie, I don’t—”

“He found you through me!” I shrieked and stumbled out of his lap. “He found us because your grace was inside me the whole time! No amount of warding can hide me if the devil tracks your grace! He could show up at any time and finish the job!” My heart was pounding as I looked wildly around the room. Lucifer could be hiding, watching us right now, waiting, biding his time until we would be vulnerable enough to attack.

Suddenly Castiel was in front of me, his hands gripping my upper arms and shaking just enough to get my attention. “Melanie, calm down!”

“You’re in danger,” I rambled as tears pricked my eyes. “You could all die just from being near me, and I, I can’t be responsible for your deaths. You’ve been hurt enough because of me, Castiel. We have to do something!”

Castiel pulled me in and wrapped his arms tightly around my shaking form as I cried. “We’ll be okay,” he murmured while cradling my head against his chest. “It’s not your fault.”

“But it is though…”

“No, it’s not,” he assured me. “You didn’t do any of this. You never asked to be connected to me. If anything, it’s my fault that Fate intervened, but I’m not sorry, not for any of it, because my mistakes led me to you, and I’m not willing to give that up.”

“We have to do something,” I mumbled. 

“We could always try to extract it,” Sam offered.

“Sam…” Castiel warned, his voice dropping to a growl.

Dean wiped the excess blood from his arm with a towel and nodded. “We could, though. It worked with Sam after Gadreel left.”

“Who’s Gadreel?” I asked.

“No one of import,” Castiel told me, his eyes never leaving the younger Winchester’s face. “We’re not extracting my grace.”

“Why not?”

“You know why not, Sam! We’re not doing it.” 

I stared incredulously at the angel. “Why don’t you try asking me what I want?”

“Because you’ll do it to protect me, regardless of the risks.”

“Shouldn’t she at least be able to decide for herself, Cas?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, man. Let Melanie make her own decisions,” Dean added. 

“I. Said. No,” Castiel gritted out.

“Well I say, tell me more, boys.” Castiel glared at me, but if there was even a small chance I could keep him safe, I wanted to know about it. 

Sam turned in his seat to face me. “A few years ago, I was possessed by an angel, Gadreel, and when he left my body, a portion of his grace was still inside me. We later found a way to remove that grace so we could perform a tracking spell with it.”

“And it almost killed you in the process,” Castiel added. His blue eyes bore into mine. “I nearly killed Sam because he told me to keep going, and I would have if I hadn’t stopped when I did. Gadreel’s grace only remained in Sam for a short time, but, Melanie,” Castiel huffed quietly, “my grace was mixed with your soul when you were created. It would be nearly impossible to separate the two now.”

“Nearly,” I said, taking his hand, “but not impossible. We could make it work.” My eyes begged him silently to at least consider it, but he shook his head.

“No, Melanie. I won’t do it. I’m sorry.”

“What choice do we have?”

Castiel sighed and looked around the room before staring down at our hands. “We’ll have to find another way,” he said quietly.

What other way?


	6. Chapter 6

“This suuuuucks,” I moaned from behind the screen of Sam’s laptop. We’d been at the research for several hours, and while Dean had escaped around 7:00 a.m. to grab everyone breakfast and more caffeine, no one had taken anything more than a bathroom break to get away from the constant studying. I turned to look at Castiel whose mouth was now curved upwards—though not looking at me—from his perch on one of the beds. “You can’t honestly tell me you aren’t getting a little bit tired of this.” 

Castiel finally raised his eyes to meet mine and set aside the old, leather bound tome. “As a matter of fact, I can honestly say that I am perfectly content to keep searching until we find a solution to our problem.” Dean scoffed and got up to stretch, but the angel paid him no mind and continued. “I’ve been around for a very long time, remember? Patience is one of my few attributes.” 

Dean swiped Castiel’s book from the bed, earning himself a glare when he pulled it out of Castiel’s reach. “Well, those of us who aren’t quite as old as you are getting kinda tired, Cas. Time for a break.” 

Castiel sighed, and I raised a brow at him. “See?” I said. “This sucks.” 

“Actually,” Sam spoke up as he finally pulled his nose away from the tablet in his large hands, “it could be time for more than that.” He leaned back, pushing his hair back. “I’ve been going through the files I downloaded from the bunker, but I’m not finding what I need. There’s one book about nephilim that would be pretty helpful, but I don’t have it here.” 

"Why nephilim?" I asked. What did that have to do with me?

"Nephilim are products of humans mating with angels," Castiel explained. "When a nephilim is born, it has angelic grace interwoven with its soul, though not in the same way as yours, I imagine. The grace you hold is not yours, not really, so it's continually searching for its other half. It's searching for me." His blue eyes tightened with pain as they lingered on my face before quickly flitting away.

“So, what are you thinking?” Dean asked his brother. “Head home?” 

Sam nodded, his brows pulling together. “I don’t think we have a choice.” 

Dean clapped, rubbing his hands together vigorously. “That settles it,” he announced. “Pack it up, folks. We leave in ten.” 

I cleared my throat, and everyone’s eyes were on me. “Can we shower first? I mean, I don’t know about you guys, but my hair gets pretty nasty if I don’t wash it everyday.” 

The older Winchester groaned, his head falling back. “You’ve got an hour, kid. Make it count.”   
_____________

Castiel hadn't said much since the Winchesters had left to pack up their things. Sure, we still shared small smiles and touches as we moved about the tiny room, but he only spoke when necessary, and his smiles never quite reached his eyes. There was always a shadow there, a hesitation behind his movements, and I didn't understand what had changed between us. Finally, I gave up trying to figure it out and decided to straight up ask him.

The angel was rummaging around inside a duffel bag on top of the dresser, his hand having stilled for several moments deep within the tangle of clothing when I broke the silence. 

"Castiel?"

He didn't turn, didn't move, and all was quiet for several seconds before his low voice finally came. "Yes, Melanie?"

"Are you alright?" I tentatively reached out, placing a hand lightly on his back, and waited again while his shoulders tensed, then dropped, his body giving in to my touch. 

"This shouldn't be so difficult," Castiel muttered under his breath. He turned around and leaned back with his hands resting on the dresser, electric blue eyes staring down into mine. "I'm worried," he admitted. 

"Why?" I reached up and brushed his hair off of his forehead--seriously, why did he always have sex hair? Even as a human, Castiel was constantly rocking the windblown look--before letting my fingers trail down the side of his face.

He huffed a sad laugh and shook his head, eyes falling to the floor between us. "I'm worried about everything. I'm worried about keeping you safe, about losing our connection if we do somehow manage to unravel my grace from your soul. I'm worried about finding Jack and Mary. I'm worried about what will happen to me if--" Castiel closed his eyes and took a ragged breath. "If I never get my grace back, if I stay human," he finished in a whisper. 

Oh. 

I had been so caught up in everyone actually surviving the last several days that I hadn't really had time to think about the emotional toil it was taking on Castiel. He'd been through a lot lately, hell we all had, but he wasn't dealing with it easily. Not that any of this could be easy on anyone, but he was used to being an angel, and human emotions hit him much harder than the rest of us.

"I've been through this once before," he continued, licking his lips and opening tear filled eyes, "and I know now I'm not cut out for this life. I tried, Melanie, I really did, but this isn't me. I don't know how to act like something that I was never meant to be. And I, I miss my wings. I can't feel them anymore, and there's an ache between my shoulder blades because my body knows something is missing."

I shook my head as I tried to process what Castiel was saying. "So all that talk earlier about patience..."

The angel's jaw tightened, and he looked away, ashamed. "I've grown adept at masking my true feelings in the last decade."

Well that cleared things right up.

I swallowed down the lump in my throat and took a step back, the distance giving me the strength to say what I needed. "And how do you truly feel about me?" I asked. "How do you feel about us? Am I just here because of your grace? If so, take it. I don't want it, Castiel."

Castiel's cobalt eyes flashed, and suddenly I was wrapped in his embrace, his strong arms like iron around my waist. I gasped, the move catching me off guard, and I braced my hands against his chest before peeking up at his face. I was taken aback by the storm raging in his features. It was obvious why the angel's glare struck fear into monsters and demons. I was both terrified and thrilled at this wild side. 

"Don't ever doubt how much I love you," Castiel growled before crashing his lips into mine. 

The kiss was all fire and fury and teeth. It was gasping for air and pulling at limbs and tugging at clothes. I was naked before I could form a coherent thought, and I was on my back only seconds later while Castiel parted my legs. He ran one hand down from my cheek, to my ribs, then to my waist and thigh before finally hooking it under my knee and pulling my leg up around his hip. I ground against him, releasing a wanton moan into his mouth before wrapping my other leg around him and locking my ankles together. 

He was already hard, and I felt his tip rubbing at my entrance as he slid one hand beneath me. Castiel pulled me flush against him while propping himself up with one hand and staring down into my eyes. I hung on for dear life, stunned by the intensity in his gaze. "You're everything I never knew I needed, all I've been missing. I was never quite whole before I walked into that diner and saw you."

"Duly noted," I breathed, eyes wide. 

Castiel's lips parted, his breath hitting me in quick little bursts that left goosebumps on my skin, and the beautiful blue of his eyes was nearly eclipsed by his pupils. "Tell me you want this, Melanie, or tell me you don't, and I'll never bother you again, but I need to know."

"All I want is you, Castiel. That's all I've ever wanted."

The angel plunged inside me, and I nearly screamed at the sensation. There was no preparation, no easing into it, and though it stung a little bit, the fullness, that feeling of everything being right for once, hit me like a freight train and almost had me coming right then as I clung to him. Castiel trembled as he tried to remain still and allow my body to adjust, but when he pressed his face into my neck and mouthed at the sensitive flesh there, my hips began moving of their own volition, and he released a long groan that reverberated in his chest.

He started slowly, gently rocking at first, but I reached down and pulled his hips hard as he thrust into me. Castiel kissed his way back up my jaw and pressed our foreheads together while paining my breast. I cried out when he gave my nipple a little pinch, and the sound only seemed to spur him on, his skin slapping mine with more force.

I could already feel my orgasm building, though it seemed impossible. We hadn't been at it long, had we? Surely I couldn't come so quickly, but as Castiel's cock brushed against that perfect spot inside me, I began to reconsider. My body started tensing up, my muscles coiled in preparation for the ultimate release, and Castiel let out a strangled mixture of a yelp and a gasp when my inner walls locked down on his shaft.

"Ca-Castiel," I panted between kisses. "Touch me, please."

A flicker of confusion swept across his features, but it was soon replaced by determination, and he reached down between us to rub his thumb in tight circles across my clit. My fingers dug into his shoulders, and I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming, but then Castiel nipped at my earlobe and started murmuring absolutely filthy words into my ear, words angels shouldn't even know, and I was coming, my world shattering into pieces as his sex-laden voice worked me through it.

He kept going, though, kept thrusting and rubbing and kissing and touching, and it was all too much. My overly sensitive body couldn't take any more, but he wouldn't let me squirm away. Castiel held me tighter, kissed me deeper, and I was crashing over the edge once more as he pumped once, twice, three times deep inside, and I felt his heavy cock spurting load after load into me.

Castiel collapsed, just barely catching his weight on shaking arms, and I threaded my fingers through his hair while holding him close.

"Do you believe me now?" he asked as he fought to catch his breath. 

"Definitely," I panted, locking eyes with this incredible being above me.

Castiel grinned and cupped my face, moving in to place a kiss on my lips, and as our tongues danced together I heard it.

"SERIOUSLY?! COME ON!"

Castiel's arms formed a protective cage around me, but I was just able to make out Dean's hand slapping across his eyes as he spun around and left, slamming the door behind him. We dissolved into a fit of giggles on the lumpy hotel mattress after he'd gone, and I once again met Castiel's soft gaze with my own.

"I love you, ya know," I whispered.

"Yeah," he said, ducking down for a kiss, "I know."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! Things are starting to come together nicely I think, and big things are in store for Cas and Melanie. I'm still toying with a few ideas on exactly how to go about revealing those surprises, but it's gonna be good.
> 
> Enjoy!

After throwing our clothes back on and grabbing our bags, Castiel and I practically ran to the car. Sam was sitting in the front seat wearing a mischievous grin while he typed away on the tablet, but it was Dean who grabbed my attention. The older Winchester brother was ducked under the lid of the trunk slamming things around and muttering curses intermixed with the occasional apology to his precious car. 

“Perhaps you should let me load our things into the car,” Castiel said as he squinted at the bristling hunter in the harsh daylight.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “You’re probably right.”

He took the large duffel I had slung across my shoulder and dipped down to plant a soft kiss on my cheek—a move that had me grinning like an idiot—before making his way around to the back of the car. Castiel moved with ease, his body betraying no sense of pain or discomfort from his injuries as far as I could tell, and I made a mental note to check his wound again once we were on the road. If he kept healing at this rate, those stitches would probably need to come out sooner rather than later.

I slid into the car as Dean’s voice rose with complaints, but every few sentences, Castiel’s low timbre could be heard, his tone soothing, before being cut off by another rough admonition. Eventually, the trunk slammed shut, and I watched through the rearview mirror as Dean started to pull away but stopped as Castiel lay a hand on his friend’s left shoulder. A ghost of something dark—was that shame?—washed over the hunter’s face before it softened, and he looked at Castiel with a resigned expression. He spoke a few more words, and the angel replied as his face split into a wide grin. It was a good look on Castiel, one I wanted to see more often. Dean wrapped him in a hug, clapping a hand on his back for good measure before the two broke apart and came around to get in. Castiel folded himself into the seat beside me, scooting over until he could comfortably rest an arm on my shoulders.

“Look, Mel,” Dean started, his fingers wrapped around the key to crank the engine, “I get that you’re gonna be around a while, and I should probably get used to you guys…together, or whatever, but please, please, spare us the exhibitionist shows, huh?” His green eyes bore into mine as he spoke, and I bit my bottom lip to keep from laughing at the pained expression on his face. “Can you do that for me?”

“I’ll try as long as you learn how to knock, Winchester,” I told him, and that time I had to laugh at his perfect bitch face. 

Dean clenched his jaw and turned back around. “You learn how to knock,” he grumbled while starting the motor.

We were soon back on the highway, putting the little no-name town behind us. Dean cranked the radio up and tapped his fingers on the steering wheel to the beat while Sam stayed occupied on his tablet. I leaned into the angel beside me, letting the motion of his thumb rubbing my arm soothe me into a semi-relaxed state, as I watched the trees and fields race by outside the window. Occasionally, I felt Castiel’s lips brush my hair, and somewhere along the way we shifted so that my head was resting on his jean covered lap, his face the only thing in my field of vision besides the car’s tan interior.

“Exactly how old are you, Castiel?” I asked softly.

He hummed and glanced down at me, the corners of his mouth curving upwards a bit. “I don’t keep up with the precise number of years anymore, but I imagine it’s several billion years, at least.”

I raised my brows. “At least,” I echoed flatly.

Castiel nodded, my words seemingly having no effect on him, and his eyes stared into nothingness as he spoke, lost in some memory. “My Father, He created the archangels first, and the rest of us weren’t around until after they defeated the Darkness, but I remember when the earth was just water and sky, when I could skim the surface with my wings and be unafraid of catching my feathers on rocky outcroppings. I remember watching Adam and Eve from a distance, and how at ease they seemed around us. I remember how dinosaurs cowered in the shadow of my presence and shrunk away as my brothers and I passed…” His tone changed towards the end, a hint of smugness creeping in, and I wasn’t sure why, but something felt off, like the whole situation was wrong somehow. 

I pushed myself up into a sitting position and gasped. The sun was fading fast, darkness chasing the light from the landscape as we drove by, like a big cloud had covered the sun and was stretching for hundreds of miles around us. I spun in my seat to ask what was going on, but when I saw what awaited me, the words died on my lips.

“Hey there, sweetheart.”

Crap.

No, really, CRAP.

Lucifer was now sitting where Castiel had been just moments earlier, leering at me in that same creeptastic way he had when I first met him. The Winchesters had disappeared, and the world around us was pitch black, the dashboard just barely visible from my position. Lucifer leaned towards me, his breath fanning my face as he spoke. “I’ve got my eye on you, Melanie Wilson,” he growled—yes, it was definitely a growl. “You can never escape me. No matter how far you run, I’ll always find you.” His lips curled into a sneer. “Even that little bunker those Winchesters use as a clubhouse can’t keep me out.”

“This isn’t real,” I whispered.

He shrugged, leaning back against the leather seat. “Doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.”

I swallowed and steeled my nerves. “You can’t be here. Out,” I ordered, “NOW, or I’ll—"

“You’ll what?” Lucifer scoffed. “What can you do? Let me tell you a little secret, sweetheart, I can be wherever I want to be, and I can do whatever I want to do, or have you forgotten that?” He grinned at me again, and I suppressed a shudder at the memory of what would have happened had Castiel and the Winchesters not shown up when they did, opting instead to embrace the anger coursing through my system. Screw him and his he-man attitude.

“You should be more careful,” I spit. “This is still my dream, and I make the rules here, or have you forgotten that?” I added the last part in a sugary tone and smirked in satisfaction as the devil fumed. Good, I thought. He should be mad.

“I’m coming for you, Melanie, and when I get you back, I’ll make sure Castiel is dead so we don’t have anymore interruptions.” 

He snapped his fingers, and I was being torn apart from the inside, my intestines twisting and pulling in a thousand directions. I gritted my teeth against the pain, staring him down and refusing to give in, and when Lucifer didn’t get the reaction he was hoping for, he clenched a fist in the air and snarled. All the air in my lungs was pushed out in a large gust, and I doubled over as the pain intensified. Lucifer grabbed my hair and yanked my head back so that I had no choice but to look at him. His eyes narrowed, and his grip tightened, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of hearing me scream. 

“Screw you,” I managed to spit through a clenched jaw.

His eyes flashed red as he inhaled sharply. “If you say so.” Lucifer grabbed my face and tried to pull me closer, and when I shoved him in the chest, he just smirked and caught my wrists in the hand that had been on my face. 

The pain in my gut was burning like crazy, the pull on my hair blinding, and the hold on my wrists was already bruising my skin. It should have been impossible, this was my dream, my world, after all, and I should have been able to overpower Lucifer with ease, so what was it that was holding me back? Why couldn’t I find the strength to wake up or kick him out or something? There had to be a weakness somewhere, some way of defeating him. He couldn’t be all powerful—no one was. I just had to find it.

Suddenly, I realized we were in a deadlock, which should have been impossible considering Lucifer was an archangel and could squash me like a bug if he wanted to. Maybe this wasn’t a physical fight, then. Maybe this was a battle of wills. 

I glanced down at where Lucifer still held my wrists in his grasp and closed my eyes, focusing on blocking out the pain and picturing freedom. “You don’t own me,” I murmured. “This isn’t real. You have no power here.”

“I can do whatever I want, sweetheart,” he grunted, and I opened my eyes with a grin. His face was flushed with effort, thick veins standing out on the side of his neck. Lucifer was loosing, and we both knew it. I threw my head against his, taking advantage of his disorientation to wrench free and push him away. The shock on his face when he hit the door panel behind him was priceless. 

“Not to me, you can’t,” I growled. “Like I said, you don’t own me.”

Lucifer snarled and lunged forward, wrapping his hands around my neck, and I screamed, the sound getting cut off as I choked, but even though he was bigger than me, even though he was stronger in so many ways, even though I was absolutely terrified, I willed myself to relax, to find that bit of control that would allow me to wake up. My air supply was dwindling, black spots dancing across my vision, but I had enough strength to bring one picture to the forefront of my mind and focus on that. 

Castiel.

If I woke up I could see him again, hold him in my arms and feel his lips on mine. The last thing I remembered before I blacked out wasn’t Lucifer’s face—it was Castiel’s smile.  
_____________

Voices, so many voices.

I couldn’t figure out who they were at first—it was like someone had stuffed cotton balls in my ears—but then I was slowly able to distinguish one from the rest. It was a rough rumble, so low it was a borderline growl in my ear, but I would know that voice anywhere. I let my ears focus on it while the other sounds were blocked out, and though I couldn’t understand what he was saying, my body still relaxed as the vibrations washed over me.

It was after I embraced the sound of Castiel’s voice that I became aware of a violent pulsing that was pressing on my chest in regular intervals. The pulse rocking my body was external in nature. That could be nothing but bad. Warm air was forced into my lungs, and that’s when I was able to put the pieces together.

Someone was performing CPR. On me.

I may or may not have freaked out. Of course, how could I not freak out? Someone thought I was dead and was trying to revive me. Who wouldn’t get worked up over that?

“Melanie! Melanie, please!” Castiel’s strangled voice finally made sense to me, and the sound of him hurting gave me the strength I needed to break through the last thin veil separating me from the living world. 

My back arched off the ground as I gasped, the sound ragged and broken, and warm hands grasped the sides of my face. My eyes opened and rolled around before focusing on the shape above me. As my vision cleared, I was able to make out smaller details: the dark, tousled hair; full, perpetually chapped lips; sun-kissed skin; and eyes bluer than the clearest skies. I let my head fall back with a soft thud as a smile graced my lips.

“Hey,” I rasped.

Castiel’s face was a combination of worry and relief. Tears rolled down his cheeks while he shook his head, and he wrapped himself around me while huffing something between a laugh and a sob. “Don’t do that to me again,” the angel whispered. “Don’t ever, ever do that again.”

My face twisted in confusion while I raised heavy arms to tug at the back of his t-shirt. He pulled back and stared down at me, face breaking again with the weight of the emotions flooding his system. How confusing, I thought briefly, for an angel to deal with this level of intensity.

“What happened?” I asked, my voice grating the walls of my throat.

“We were going to ask you the same thing,” someone answered, and I looked away from Castiel long enough to see Dean kneeling on my other side, his hand resting on the angel’s shoulder. “What happened to you, kid?”

“M’not a kid,” I mumbled, closing my eyes. There was an incessant buzzing in my ears that was giving me a headache, but it didn’t look like I was going to get any relief anytime soon because Castiel was patting the side of my face and calling out to me.

“Please don’t close your eyes, Melanie,” he asked softly. “I need you to look at me.” With a sigh, I cracked them open again and blinked a few times. “Thank you,” Castiel breathed.

“You were napping in the back, and all of a sudden Cas just started screaming that you had stopped breathing,” Sam explained from behind his brother. He was on his bottom, legs bent and arms resting on his knees as sweat rolled down his face. Looks like he and Dean had been taking turns doing compressions.

“How long was I out?”

“Seventeen minutes,” Castiel answered. 

Holy shit.

“Seventeen…” I shook my head as the memories came flooding back. Castiel’s strange answer, the darkness, Lucifer trying to assault me. My hands flew up to my neck, and I locked eyes with Castiel. “It was a dream,” I told him. “Lucifer, he, he was there, and we fought. He said he knew where to find me, that nothing could hide me from him, not even the bunker’s warding. He said he was gonna kill you!”

Dean held up a hand. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Just slow down, alright?” I took a deep breath and nodded. “Good. Now what do you mean Lucifer was there?”

“I didn’t know I was asleep, and then Castiel said something that was just…wrong. It made me uneasy, so I sat up, and when I turned around, you three were gone, and it was just me and him. Lucifer went on and on about how he was watching me and how he was going to kill Castiel after he captured me so we wouldn’t have anymore interruptions.” A shiver rolled down my spine as I remembered the implications of his statement.

Castiel and Dean exchanged a look while the angel pulled me onto his lap, and Dean got to his feet before helping Sam stand as well. “This isn’t good,” he told his brother. “If Lucifer knows where she is, he can attack whenever he wants, and we’re vulnerable out here in the open like this.”

“We’ve gotta get Melanie to the bunker.”

“Dude, you heard her. The bunker won’t keep him out.”

“We don’t really have a choice here, Dean. We’ll just have to step up the warding and hope it works. Cas isn’t an angel anymore, so we don’t have to worry about that at least.” Sam swallowed and looked over at me, guilt washing over his features as he realized they’d been talking like I wasn’t even there. “It’s the only place we’ve got for you, but there’s no guarantee that you’ll be safe there,” he admitted.

“I won’t let him touch you again,” Castiel murmured before pressing a kiss to the top of my head, “but if you don’t want to come with us…I understand. This is your choice.”

“The only thing I want is to be wherever you are, Castiel. The rest is just details.” He huffed a laugh and tightened his arms around me, and I took a moment to relish in the complete safety I felt in his embrace. The world could have been burning down around us, but I’m pretty sure I still would have been calm as long as I had him there. “How much further to the bunker?”

“Few hundred miles,” Dean told me.

“Then we’d better hit the road.”


	8. Chapter 8

I’d never been to the bunker before that day, but I’m still pretty sure Dean got us there in record time. 

He pulled the Impala off the highway and onto a small gravel road with all kinds of green brush encroaching on both sides. The foliage was so thick that it seemed as though it would scratch the car in some places, but we just barely squeezed through without a single leaf brushing the slick paintjob—someone paid careful attention to this drive. The lane twisted and turned like a winding grey snake in the grass until finally we pulled up in front of a single garage door set into the hillside and framed by old school red brick.

“No waterfall?” I asked. “Damn. I thought for sure you guys would have an actual bat cave.” Castiel looked down at his lap and shook his head, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

“Oh you ain’t seen nothing yet, Mel,” Dean commented as he pushed a button under the dash. The garage door slowly raised, and once it was high enough to pass under, Dean eased his car into the dark corridor, switching on his lights as he did and closing the door behind us once more. The steady rumble of the motor echoed off the walls as we drove maybe a hundred yards deeper underground. It was then that I could see the faint, white glow of light around the next bend. I wasn’t really prepared for what came next.

The tight corridor opened up into a high-ceilinged garage with various antique cars and motorcycles lining the walls, and, much to my delight, it didn’t seem as though a speck of dust had settled on their paint. Someone had wheeled in several tool chests and other equipment to keep the vehicles in peak condition, and I slapped Dean’s shoulder as he parked the Impala right smack dab in the middle of it all.

“You didn’t tell me you had all these toys!” I squealed while pointing to a particularly enthralling black bike in the corner. “Is that a ’52 Shadow?”

Sam and Dean glanced at each other before the older Winchester nodded slowly. “Maybe,” he said. “I take it you’re…into motorcycles?”

“Not really, but my neighbor had one of those under an old army tarp in his garage when I was growing up. She wasn’t in as good condition as that beauty there, but she wasn’t anything to sneeze at either.” I squealed again before jumping out and racing over to the motorcycle. “Oh my gosh,” I breathed, running my fingers over the handlebars. “She’s gorgeous.” I turned around to see Castiel walking over to me and Sam and Dean leaning on the Impala’s fender. 

“I don’t believe I’ve seen you this excited about anything, Melanie,” the angel observed, a small smile on his lips.

“It’s just that Mr. Hansen used to give us kids rides on his motorcycle, and I always felt so alive, so free on the back of it, and I’ve never seen another one of these,” I explained, gesturing to the bike. “I mean, I got excited by all the other beauties around here, but then I saw this, and I just…wow. You know?”

Castiel’s grin widened making little crinkles form at the corners of his eyes, and he held out a hand in my direction. “I don’t quite understand the fascination you and Dean seem to have with vehicles, but I am glad you’re enjoying yourself. Come on, let’s get you settled in, and then you can come back later to get a better look at the rest.” I took his hand and let him lead me back to the car where we picked up our bags before following the brothers up a step and into a long hallway. The whole place had a weird, World War II era feel to it, and I wondered how long it had been since anyone redecorated.

“This is my room,” Dean told me as we stopped in front of a door with the number 11 on it. “Sam is just down the hall, and showers are at the other end. This place was made for guys, so it’s basically locker room style, but if you want some privacy, just, I don’t know, hang your bra on the doorknob or something.”

“Dean!” Castiel barked, his body tense with anger. Oh, he so didn’t like another guy talking about my, ahem, unmentionables.

“What? Just sayin’ she’s the only chick around here, and if I see a sock on the knob, I’ll just assume it’s Sam playing with himself and walk in to embarrass him.” Sam threw his brother a bitch-face at the comment, but Dean only shrugged and shuffled into his room, grumbling.

Sam faced me with an apologetic smile. “I’ll try and make sure he knocks. You guys get settled, and I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Thanks, Sam,” I called as he walked away. He smiled over his shoulder and disappeared around the corner up ahead. “So?” I asked Castiel. “Where do you stay?”

The angel tugged me back in the direction we’d come towards a room only a few doors down from Dean’s. He swallowed and gave me a nervous grin before pushing the door open. “This is my, um, room. Dean replaced the mattress for me the last time I was human, and the television has Netflix, but other than that,” he shrugged, “I’ve made very few changes.” 

The décor was minimal. A television sat atop a long, wooden dresser at the foot of the bed, and a sink and mirror were backed up to the wall opposite the door. A small table was on each side of the bed, and an open roll top desk and chair were just to our right. I made my way over to it while Castiel dropped his bag beside the bed, and I let my fingers trail over the worn wood before resting on top of the blank notepad. There was a cup full of sharpened pencils ready to go—no pens or markers, I noticed—and a single picture was taped to the desk beside the porcelain mug. 

“Is this you?” I asked while squinting at the fuzzy image. The colors were a bit blurred, like the picture had suffered some water damage at one point, but I’d know that trench coat anywhere.

“That was taken by Bobby Singer about a year after I met the Winchesters,” Castiel explained while wrapping his arms around my waist from behind. “The man was more of a father to them than John ever was, but don’t tell them I told you that. Dean doesn’t like to talk about their father, and he would most likely be offended if you brought him up.”

I examined the picture more closely, noting the wide grin each of the boys wore and the easy way they held themselves. Even though there was still a bit of pain in their eyes, life hadn’t taken such a toll on them yet, and it was easy to believe they were still hopeful, still believers in a happy ending. I leaned back into the angel’s chest and let my hands rest on his forearms, giving the muscles there a gentle squeeze. “You guys looked happy,” I murmured.

“We were. This is one of my favorite memories. I recovered the picture after Bobby’s house burned several years ago, and I have carried it for a long time. It wasn’t until recently that I allowed myself to leave it here while I traveled.”

“You should frame it.”

Castiel released a low sigh and rested his chin on my shoulder. “I’m afraid to.”

My brows furrowed in confusion, and I turned in his arms, running my palms up his back and pulling him close. “Why would you be afraid of that?”

The angel looked away, his eyes tight. “I’m afraid we’ll have to leave this place in a rush, and a photograph is much easier to grab if it’s loose and not in a bulky frame.”

“How long have you guys been here?”

“The Winchesters found this place about five years ago, but I’ve learned that the only permanent thing in their lives seems to be that car of theirs. Other things seem to come and go quite easily.”

“Not you, though,” I reminded him. “You’ve stayed by their side a long time.”

“They’re more of a family to me than my own brothers and sisters,” he shrugged. “Ever since I first laid a hand on Dean’s soul in Hell, I knew I’d die for him in a second. All he had to do was ask.”

I narrowed my eyes at Castiel, scrutinizing each inch of his expression as I spoke. “You and Dean…you guys seem to be very close. Why is that? I get pulling him out of the pit, but there’s something more, isn’t there?”

Castiel backed up to the bed, pulling me along with him until I was straddling his lap, and looked up at me. “Dean Winchester is a lot of things. He drinks too much, sleeps with too many women, lies for a living, and uses fake credit cards to buy everything he owns. He enjoys killing more than the average hunter should, and he’s more than adept at acquiring information from the enemy if the situation calls for it.” Castiel’s blue eyes widened, and he leaned forwards, his voice lowering. “But let me tell you what else Dean Winchester is. His soul is the brightest I’ve ever seen. The amount of good in that man is never-ending, and he’d gladly trade his life to save a total stranger at the drop of a hat. He’s a skilled fighter, a brilliant strategist, and he stashes classic works right beside his porn magazines. He lifts up the people around him while tearing himself down, and he loves fiercely. Dean doesn’t think himself worthy of anyone’s affection, not even Sam’s, so I’ve made an effort from the moment we met to show him how wonderful he is. That man, the Righteous Man as he was once known to Heaven, is the best friend I’ve ever had, and I’ll follow him anywhere. He’s taught me about life, about freedom, and about the grey areas that I never knew existed. I wouldn’t be here without him.”

“You love him,” I realized, but Castiel shook his head.

“Not like I love you. This,” he said, cupping my face, “is more than I ever hoped to find. This is everything to me now. I only wish I had met you sooner.”

He leaned in, brushing his lips lightly across mine, and my hands fell from his neck to his waist and brushed along the skin just above his belt. Castiel shivered against me, and I caught his gaze before gripping the hem of his t-shirt and pulling up and off of his body. “We should really check those stitches,” I told him, dropping the shirt on the floor behind me. 

“They can wait,” he whispered as he leaned in for another kiss. 

“Pretty sure Sam and Dean will be expecting us soon, too,” I mumbled against his mouth.

“They need to practice the art of waiting as well.”

I grinned and let myself melt in the angel’s arms as he worked to strip me of my shirt and bra. His warm hands were everywhere, stroking up from my waist to my shoulders, threading his fingers in my hair and deepening the kiss, gripping my thighs and grinding up into the space between my legs. Man, for someone with very little experience, Castiel sure was skilled.

“How’d you get so good at this?” I gasped when he began kissing his way down my neck. 

“Porn,” he replied, and I laughed. Castiel looked me in the eye. “Seriously, Dean introduced me to good porn, and I took notes.”

I raised my brows as one of his hands trailed down to cup my breast. “You guys watch porn together?”

“It was one time, and I didn’t realize what it was until I asked Dean about the pizza man,” he insisted.

“Whatever,” I grinned. “I’m not judging, Castiel, just curious is all.”

He narrowed his eyes at me and stood, spinning us around and covering my body with his own on the bed. “You,” he told me while licking the valley between my breasts, “need to let go of this idea that there is something more between Dean and I.”

I carded my fingers in his soft hair and arched off the bed as he flicked his tongue across my nipple. “Why so defensive? There’s nothing wrong with it if you guys messed around at some point.”

Castiel glared at me. “Melanie.”

“Yes, Castiel?” I smirked.

“There is nothing sexual between myself and Dean Winchester,” he said firmly.

“Really?” I pushed myself up onto my elbows and captured his mouth with mine, licking and sucking at his tongue before pulling back just a bit to stare at his lips. “Because the idea of two good looking men together? Now that would make any girl wet just thinking about it,” I whispered.

Castiel’s eyes widened. “Is that, would you, are you saying you want to be with both of us?” 

My face screwed up. “Not in real life or anything, Castiel. I’m not into sharing or being shared, but the thought of you guys going at it in the past is kinda hot.”

Relief washed over the angel’s features, and his head dropped to my shoulder. “You scared me,” he breathed against my skin.

“I want you, Castiel. Only you.”

He captured my mouth with his own and sucked my bottom lip between his teeth, tugging gently. “Show me.

I pushed at his uninjured shoulder, and Castiel rolled onto his back. I made slow work of removing his belt and dragging the zipper down on his fly before mouthing at his erection through the denim. He groaned, his hips raising slightly, and I grinned up at him while pulling his pants and boxers down his toned legs to his ankles. His thick cock sprang free, and I licked the bead of precum that had already leaked from his head before taking his entire length into my mouth. I suppressed the urge to gag as his head made contact with the back of my throat, and tried to relax around him.

“Melanie,” Castiel gasped, and I looked up to see his head thrown back, hands fisted tightly at his sides.

I hummed and bobbed on his length a few times, letting my tongue ghost over the tip and flick into his slit whenever I pulled back. He bucked up into my mouth once, and I had to press a hand firmly onto his hips to keep him steady while I worked him over, but eventually it got to be too much for me, and the desire to have his thick length inside me overtook my need to pleasure him. I pulled off with a pop, kissing his lips lightly when his head snapped up to see why I’d stopped.

“I need you,” I told him while I rolled off the bed and removed my pants, shoes, and socks. “I can’t wait anymore.”

Castiel bit his bottom lip and watched me with hooded eyes as I straddled him once more, his hands kneading the flesh at my hips. I raised up and gripped him with one hand before slowly lowering myself onto him, and we both moaned at the sensation. I held that position for a few seconds before leaning forward to kiss him again, and the angel ground his hips into mine, eliciting another moan from me. 

“You’re killing me, Melanie,” Castiel whispered. “Move. Please.”

I worked slowly, riding him gently and letting myself feel every inch of the angel under me. His chest heaved against my own while we kissed, and I held myself up with one hand on the pillow beside his head while the other explored his body and eventually laced itself with his. The buildup was gradual but strong, and I felt more connected to him than I ever had. So what if Lucifer was making death threats? Who cared that the Winchesters were just down the hall and could walk in at any moment? Castiel didn’t have his wings, and I was a threat to his survival simply by existing, but none of that mattered. The feel of his hand in mine, the brush of his lips on my skin, and the look in those oceanic eyes when they connected with mine made me believe that love was real, it was here, and it was ours. People could separate us, torture, and even kill us, but they could never break what existed in that moment. 

Castiel and I were made for each other.

Our bodies molded to each other like pieces of a puzzle finally clicking into place, and I just knew somehow that everything was going to be alright. We were going to beat the devil. We were going to make Castiel whole again, and we were going to put his family back together. 

Our breaths quickened, and Castiel moved his free hand down to rub against my clit. My eyes flew open, staring into his, and my whole body shook as I convulsed around him, mouth falling open into a silent scream of pleasure. The angel flipped us, taking his position between my legs once more, and he held me close to his chest while his hips hammered into mine. He came with a grunt, capturing my mouth in a heated kiss as he rode the wave, and I couldn’t find it in myself to push him away when his weight fell on top of me. Instead I wrapped my arms tightly around his body, breathing in his salty scent and praying we would find the answers we were looking for in the Winchesters’ library. 

I couldn’t lose Castiel, and he needed to be at full strength in order to fight Lucifer. I didn’t care what it took, but I knew I’d get his wings back somehow.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the wait. I was working on another project, and life got in the way.
> 
> I think it's best that I go down to weekly updates so that I don't leave people waiting for updates. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!

I didn't realize I had fallen asleep until I was waking up under the warmest arm and shoulder I'd ever felt. Castiel had passed out on his belly, face turned in my direction and left arm tucking me close to his side. I let my eyes fall closed for just a few more moments, relishing in the feel of his skin on mine, before I slowly rolled onto my side.

He was beautiful, a perfect specimen of everything good and holy. Castiel was light in the darkness, a pure soul, and a warrior equally skilled at loving others and dismantling evil. He was tender. He believed the smallest life forms to be significant and treated all with respect. 

My eyes traced the sharp line of Castiel's jaw down to his chin, and I took a moment to appreciate the way his full lips were slightly parted and the straight line of his nose. I thought back to each time those lips had brushed my skin and the sheer ecstasy their touch invoked. My breath hitched when I saw his long, dark lashes fanned out over his cheekbones, and it was all I could do to keep my eyes on Castiel's face. He was too much, too good, and it felt like staring into the sun. 

I tore my eyes away, heat rushing to my face as the thought of him waking up and catching me ogling got the better of my nerves. I shrugged out from under his arm, placing it gently onto the mattress so as not to wake him, and propped my head on one hand while the other reached out to delicately run along the curve of Castiel's shoulder. I tried to imagine large wings springing out from his shoulder blades. I wondered what color they were, how soft the feathers would feel, why no one could see them. The thin, white sheet was pulled up to his lower back, but it did nothing to hide the outline of his butt and muscled thighs and only served to make me imagine him flying through the clouds, wings spread wide with an old school toga draped around his body. 

A soft sigh escaped my lips while I drank in the sight of him, and Castiel shifted, grunting before rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. He blinked a couple of times before his eyes focused on me, and his mouth curled into a sleepy grin.

"Hello," he purred, his already deep voice dipping into an octave I didn't know existed.

"Hi," I murmured back, watching him closely. Castiel mirrored me, and eventually threw his arm across my waist and pulled me close, lavishing my face with sloppy kisses. I shrieked and twisted away laughing, but the angel only turned his attention to my neck and shoulder. "Castiel, stop! What's gotten into you?"

He hummed against my skin. "I'm simply enjoying the little things."

"What little things?" I asked. "I certainly don't see anything little..."

Castiel chuckled and rose up to look at me. "I find it increasingly easy to expect you to be here when I wake up. Your face," he brushed his knuckles across my cheek, "is the only thing I want to see first thing in the morning."

"It's not even morning," I mumbled as a blush colored my face, and I glanced away, but Castiel turned my chin back to where he could reach it and planted a chaste kiss on my lips.

"You're the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on regardless of the time of day," he whispered. 

My breath hitched, and we stared at each other in silence for several minutes just...existing. I got lost in the clear blue of his eyes. Of all the things he'd seen, of all the things he'd experienced, the fact that Castiel chose to spend any time with me at all was just mind-blowing. Awestruck is probably the most accurate word to describe how I felt in that moment. I was beginning to find it more and more difficult to describe my feelings around this guy. Words kept falling short.

Our little bubble of peace didn't last long. 

"Cas! Mel!" 

Dean burst through the door, the older Winchester screaming our names, and Castiel hurriedly covered our naked bodies.

"Get dressed," Dean ordered, grabbing various articles of clothing and tossing them in our direction. "Sam called Rowena, and she says there's a spell she can use to take the grace inside Melanie and put it into you."

"How sure are we that the witch can be trusted?" Castiel questioned as he plucked a pair of boxers from the tangle of clothing on the bed.

Dean grimaced. "We're not, but it's the best we can do for now, so..." He ran a hand down his face and turned away. "She'll be here in a couple of hours," he told us as he walked out.

The door clicked shut, and I turned to see Castiel staring at me, and thoughtful expression on his face. "You don't like it," I surmised, and he shook his head.

"I'm not sure I trust anyone other than the Winchesters when it comes to you, Melanie, and Rowena," he fisted the sheet in his hand, "well she has her own agenda."

"But if it means getting your grace back..."

His eyes snapped to mine. "It's not worth your safety."

"You know, you keep saying that," I huffed while standing, "but you aren't taking my feelings about it into account." I threw on my bra and t-shirt and scanned the room for my underwear. I spotted them hanging precariously on the corner of the dresser and snatched them up before yanking them on. 

"Melanie, you don't understand--"

"Understand what?" I snapped, whirling on him. "Understand that it's basically ripping my soul in half so that you can be whole again? Understand that it'll be excruciating to endure? Understand that if I don't do this you'll be vulnerable forever and Lucifer can kill you whenever he's in the mood to do so?" 

Castiel was silently regarding me with wide eyes, and I crossed the room to kneel beside the bed, my hand on his arm. I softened my voice, reminding Castiel that I still cared. "I can't lose you, Castiel. I'm pretty sure I'd die right along with you, so if this is how I get to keep you around? Well, call me selfish, but I'm gonna do it, and I need you on board. I need you to support me."

"I still don't like it," he confessed, and I offered him a tiny smile. 

"Neither do I, but what choice do we have?"

"I can't lose you either, Melanie," Castiel said softly and bit his lower lip.

I grabbed his palm and kissed the center of it before placing it flat against my chest, right over my beating heart. "You'll never lose me." Castiel took a deep breath, releasing it with a sigh, and I stood, tapping him gently on the shoulder. "Lean forward," I instructed. "I actually do need to check those stitches."

He did as instructed, resting his elbows on his crossed legs and propping his chin in his hands. I carefully peeled away the tape to take a peek--something I really should have done before we had sex, but whatever--but the wound was totally healed. Only a faint, pink scar marked the place now, so I moved in front of him and repeated my actions with the bandage on Castiel's chest, but the results were the same.

Huh.

Castiel tilted his head and examined my expression. "How does it look?"

"Um, well it's pretty much healed," I told him, sitting on the bed in front of his legs. "I just need to remove the stitches."

"And then?"

I ran my fingers lightly around the edge of the dark thread on his chest. "I imagine the holes will be gone by..." I trailed off, my brow furrowing as I tried to recall the time of day. "Shit, this whole no windows thing is going to be tough to get used to," I muttered. 

Castiel huffed a laugh. "It can be difficult at times, but you'll get used to it." His face froze in a sudden fit of fear as he realized the implications of what he said before he continued slowly. "That is, if you want to...?"

And there it was, the big question. 

Ever since Lucifer first showed up in that alley and told me my home had gone up in flames, I had been stuck in a kind of limbo. At first, I didn't know if I was going to even see the outside of the dungeon-like cell the devil had kept me in, and then it had been less than a day before Castiel had ended up in the hospital. I'd constantly been on the move the last couple of weeks, and the uncertainty of finding a place to actually stay once this was all over was always in the back of my mind.

Now, here my angel was, asking me if I wanted to stay here, with him, and I didn't know what to say. Did I want that? Was it too soon? We'd known each other only a few weeks, spent less time than that in the same room, so yeah, it was probably too soon, but then, our relationship wasn't exactly ordinary either, was it?

Castiel seemed to be holding his breath, waiting for me to say something, anything, but I didn't want to tell him one way or the other until I knew for sure. I dropped my gaze and stood, worrying my bottom lip between my teeth as I retrieved a pair of tweezers and scissors from my medical bag and came back to hover beside the angel. Castiel had been watching me, but now he too had looked away, finding a sudden interest in the sheets bunched around his legs. I started clipping the thread, being careful to miss Castiel's skin, as I thought about the best way to answer him.

"I think," I said slowly, feeling the angel's muscles bunch up at the sound of my voice, "that I'm open to the idea, but I also think we should take care of this thing with Lucifer before we finalize any plans."

My words hung heavy in the air, and Castiel was perfectly still, almost statue-like, as I finished removing the stitches from his back. When I moved around to begin working on his chest, I noticed Castiel had his eyes closed. I stayed silent, letting him mull over what I'd said, and pretty soon I was completely done with my task and could clean up. I packed away my things, grabbing a small tube of antibiotic ointment as I did, and returned to his side where I applied a thing layer of the ointment to each wound. When I was finished, I replaced the cap and set the tube on the bedside table, returning to standing awkwardly beside him.

Castiel turned those icy blue orbs on me, effectively stopping my heart with the weight of his stare, and narrowed his eyes slightly. "Where do you want to stay in the meantime?"

"I go where you go," I answered simply. "My place is at your side."

A ghost of a smile toyed with the angel's lips, and he reached for my hand, dropping his gaze and kissing my knuckles lightly before standing. He pulled me into his arms, and I melted into his chest, feeling the steady thump of his heart. Castiel rested his cheek on my head and sighed. 

"You do realize that's one of the most dangerous places in the world, don't you?" he mumbled. 

"I beg to differ," I grinned. 

Castiel took my face in his hands and stroked his thumbs over my cheekbones. "People around me die, Melanie."

I blinked up at him realizing he'd probably never understand. "I don't care. I'd rather be in Hell with you than Heaven without you."

He closed his eyes and dropped his head. "You are...infuriatingly stubborn."

"But you love me," I teased, poking him in the chest.

Castiel raised bright eyes at that and leaned in, his mouth just a whisper away from mine. "Yeah, I do." He kissed me gently, and I was just about to deepen it when he abruptly pulled away. "I still need to get dressed before Rowena arrives."

I peeked down at the plain white boxers hanging from his hips and slid a finger under the waistband. "You sure you can't just walk around like this all the time?"

"That would be impractical." I raised a brow, and Castiel's mouth formed a little "o." "That was a joke, wasn't it?"

I winked up at him. "Maybe, maybe not. I know I would definitely enjoy seeing you like this twenty-four/seven." Castiel narrowed his eyes again and stepped around me to gather his clothes. I turned around just as he was pulling up his jeans, the fly open and belt still undone, and my mouth went dry at the sight. "Or you know, you could walk around like that, too."

"That would still be inappropriate in most settings," Castiel muttered, threading his arms through the sleeves of a light blue t-shirt.

I groaned. "You're killing me here, Smalls!"

"The Sandlot doesn't pertain to this situation, Melanie."

My eyes went wide. "You understood that reference?"

"I watch a lot of Netflix," he shrugged. 

"I think I love you even more now."

Castiel finished dressing and grabbed my hand. "Come on. We'll find something to eat, and I'll show you the library."


	10. Chapter 10

"Oh my gosh," I moaned around a mouthful of burger. I wasn't sure why exactly Dean had decided to fry up a bunch of burgers and homemade potato chips at midnight, but after tasting the greasy stacks of heaven, I wasn't about to ask questions. 

"I take it you like the food," Sam laughed from across the table.

I hummed my approval and took another bite as Castiel slid his unused napkin towards me. I glanced down at the cloth before raising an eyebrow and meeting his eyes with a silent question. 

"You have a little, uh..." Castiel gestured to the corner of his mouth, but I just continued to stare at him blankly. He didn't really think I was going to pause long enough to wipe my mouth, did he? "You know what?" he continued. "Nevermind. You seem to be enjoying yourself."

Dean took a swig of his beer and tilted the mouth of the longneck in my direction. "I'll give your girl one thing, man. She appreciates the finer things in life."

I took another bite and grinned, cheeks puffed out like an overzealous chipmunk, before clinking my beer with the older Winchester's. We didn't agree on much, but at least food didn't seem to be an issue. 

"When is Rowena supposed to arrive?" Castiel asked.

Dean shrugged. "Should be any minute now. She wasn't exactly thrilled at having to come right away, but then Sam reminded her that we'd have a better chance of taking down Lucifer if you had your grace, and that seemed to persuade her."

"Rowena wants him dead just as much as we do," Sam explained. "If not, more. She'll help."

"But will Melanie be safe?" Castiel prodded, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. 

Sam and Dean shared a look before Dean spoke up. "We don't know," he admitted quietly, glancing at me and then back to Castiel. "She might be fine."

"But she may also be torn in half." Castiel's jaw clenched as the Winchesters avoided his gaze. "You have no idea what will happen to her, do you?"

I put down my burger and placed my hand on the angel's forearm. He looked down at it before leveling his stare at me. I could see the anger, the fear, and the pain there. None of us knew what would happen, but I knew it would be worth it. "I'll be fine, Castiel," I lied. I couldn't guarantee that, but I could at least try and ease his mind.

"You don't know that," he sighed. "I'm sorry, but you don't. I can tell."

The comforting smile slipped from my face. Damn it to Hell. Castiel could read me just as easily as I could him. Hiding anything was pointless. 

"See? You know as well as I do that these could be our final minutes together." Castiel shook his head and pushed away from the table, gathering his plate and half empty beer bottle. He covered the plate with foil and slid it onto a shelf in the old school ice box before silently carrying his beer into the next room. 

I stood to go after him, but Dean stopped me. "Give him a couple of minutes," he instructed. "Cas isn't used to all of these feelings, and he needs some time to process everything."

My shoulders sagged, eyes still watching the doorway Castiel disappeared into. Dean was right, but I couldn't shake this feeling, this need to make it better, to help the angel work through it. I took a step in his direction, but I hesitated, unsure, and clenched my jaw. I was stuck between doing what I felt was right and doing what I knew was right. It always came down to this, my mind and heart going to war with each other. Neither side seemed willing to give an inch, and I huffed through my nose in frustration. 

"He'll be okay, Mel," Dean assured me. "Give him some time."

The sound of quick, determined steps echoed off the walls of the corridor in front of me as my eyes shot to the Winchester brothers and then back to the doorway, and well I don't know who was more surprised when the angel stormed in, me or them. 

Castiel strode right for me, his jaw set and eyes never leaving my face, and he hit me like a brick wall, his arms locking around my body as he backed me up against the nearest counter. I met his lips with a surprised gasp and submitted to his touch, willing to give him whatever it was he thought he needed in order to be okay. I was vaguely aware of the other two men in the room, but my brain was fuzzy from the sudden assault, and I couldn't make myself care enough about modesty to push the angel away. Castiel's hands came up to grip the sides of my face, and I heard him inhale sharply before pulling back just enough to stare hard into my eyes.

"I won't lose the people I care about," Castiel swore, his voice a deep growl that resonated throughout my body. "Not you, not anyone. I'm done with it," he continued. "I will do whatever I have to do to keep my family safe."

I couldn't think, couldn't blink, just continued to hold his stare as I panted. I believed him though. With every fiber of my being, I believed him. 

A couple of forced coughs made the angel turn his head to glare at Sam and Dean. "If things go wrong, I want you both to stop the spell. Pull Melanie out of it. That is the only way I will agree to do this. Do you understand?" I slid my eyes to the side just enough that I could see the shocked and uncomfortable expressions on the brothers' faces. "Do you understand?!" Castiel repeated, and they nodded dumbly. "Good," he muttered.

The angel's hard expression faltered just a bit, and he turned back to me, stroking my cheek softly. His thumb trailed down to my lower lip and hung there for a brief second before his hands fell to the counter behind me. Castiel hung his head but didn't move away, so I gathered him in a tight hug, running my fingers through the short hairs at the base of his skull. He seemed to relax some and hesitantly hugged me back.

A shrill ringing cut through the moment, and Castiel and I both turned our heads to watch Sam fish his cell out of his pocket. "It's her," he told us and hit the green icon. "Rowena."

"Hello, Giant," a woman's voice drawled. Her Scottish accent was thick, but her attitude was thicker. "Care to open the door? It's a bit dark out here and I don't exactly relish the idea of getting killed by something I can't even see." Sam and Dean shared a look, and Dean nodded before heading out of the kitchen. 

"I'm sure you'll be fine," Sam told her. "Dean's on his way up now." He ended the call and blew out a breath before catching my eye. "Let's go."  
_____________

"So this is the lass who's been hiding a smidge of the pretty angel's grace, hmm?"

The petite redhead eyed me over the metal railing as she descended the staircase behind Dean. She held herself regally, as if demanding her current audience to wait on her hand and foot, but there was a pain in her eyes that went deep, and I could tell that despite what she'd done, she retained a pure heart. 

"Melanie," Dean said wearily, throwing his thumb over his shoulder, "meet Rowena, the most powerful and devious witch on earth."

"Mind yer tone with me, Dean. Wouldn't want something to happen to that lovely car of yours, now would we?" She winked at the older Winchester before taking in the rest of our group, her gaze settling on me.

Castiel tensed behind me, and I felt him move closer, one hand resting on my hip while the other curled into a fist at his side, like he was ready to jerk me out of the way and shield my body with his own. Rowena narrowed her eyes at me and pursed her lips as she stepped onto solid ground, but I stared right back, unwavering and refusing to back down. Her eyes dropped to my feet before slowly making their way back up my body, and she hummed quietly.

"You hold a few gifts of yer own, don'tcha, dear girl?"

My lips quirked up on one side, and I leaned into the angel beside me, chin turning slightly towards him as I spoke but never letting my eyes leave the woman's in front of me. "I like her," I told him and full on grinned when I heard him huff impatiently. 

"Can you help us or not, Rowena?" Castiel demanded. 

The witch's eyes slid over to Castiel's face, and she smiled coyly. "Can," she answered. "I simply require a bit of preparation and your complete cooperation in order for the spell to work."

"What do you need?" Sam asked, but she waved him off.

"I have all of the necessary ingredients for my part, but what makes or breaks this spell is the participants." She raised an eyebrow at Castiel, and when I looked up, his dark brows were pinched together in confusion. 

"What do you mean?" Dean asked slowly, stepping forward. 

All eyes were now on the witch, but she simply stepped around the mass that had huddled around her and dumped her old carpet bag on the large map table that dominated the room. 

"What?" Rowena laughed. "Did you really think I could transfer part of a soul--an actual soul!--from one person to another, who just so happens to be an angel, by the way," she added with raised eyebrows, "without needing both of those people involved in the spell?"

Castiel practically vibrated with anger beside me, but I placed a hand on his arm, squeezing gently, before taking a deep breath and releasing it through my nose. "What can I do to help things go smoother?"

Rowena's large eyes slid over to meet mine, and she smirked. "Your part in this is surprisingly...physical."

"Physical how?" Castiel growled. His bad mood sure wasn't letting up any, especially with Rowena looking at me like that.

She winked at me before patting Castiel on the chest. "Don't worry your little head, deary. You'll be right there beside her." The angel glared, and Rowena had enough sense to back up a step. 

"Rowena..."

"You have to be connected during the spell in order for it to work, alright?!" The witch huffed and began pulling various jars from her bags and setting them on the table. I'm guessing my face wasn't the only one showing my confusion when Rowena glanced up because she said the next sentence slowly enough for a toddler to understand, her voice rising slightly at the end. "You two must be connected intimately."

"What?!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!"

"Are you out of your freaking mind?!" I screamed. She had to be joking! No way was I going to put on some kind of a show for these people. Nope, no way. NOT happening. 

Castiel was the only one who stayed silent, but when I checked to see why he wasn't reacting, I saw that his eyes blazed, chin was jutting out and jaw clenched tight. It didn't look like he was any more keen on this plan than I was at the moment, but when his eyes met mine, they softened slightly, and I could practically feel the pain rolling off him in waves. His eyebrows pulled together, and he bit his lower lip. Surely he wasn't actually considering...

I tilted my head back towards the hall while raising a brow, and he nodded in response before following me out of the room.

"Hey!" Dean called after us. "Where are you going?"

"To talk privately, Winchester!" I barked over my shoulder. A satisfied smirk spread over my lips as I heard him huff in response.

When we'd gone far enough down the hall that the others' voices were nothing more than a quiet rumble echoing off the stone walls, I spun around and threw my arms around Castiel's waist, pulling him against me and burying my face in his chest. He hugged me back and planted a soft kiss on the crown of my head before resting his cheek there. I let myself drift in the peaceful feel of my angel's embrace, letting go of the stress and tension that had built up in my muscles with a sigh.

"Melanie?"

Castiel's voice rolled through me, but I only gripped him tighter. Just a few more seconds, I thought. Just let me escape reality a little while longer.

"Melanie." Castiel pulled back--I was no match for his strength, grace or not. He licked his lips and looked me in the eye. "I need to know what you're thinking."

"I needed a break, and things were getting pretty heavy out there..."

"Yes, Rowena does know how to cause an uproar."

"What's on your mind?" I asked him, scrutinizing his face. "You didn't say a word when she told us we'd have to have sex in front of everyone for the spell to work."

"What she said made sense. I don't like it, but she's right."

I huffed a surprised laugh. "She's right? You mean you actually want to do a live porno in front of all those people out there?"

Castiel shook his head. "No, of course not, but two souls are more open to each other during the act. It makes sense that it would be necessary in order to take a piece of your soul and give it to me. Perhaps there is another way, a loophole as Dean calls it, we can use."

I groaned and dropped my forehead back to Castiel's chest. "We need more information, which means we're have to go back out there, don't we?"

"I'm afraid so," he admitted. 

"Well let's go."

He wrapped an arm around me and tucked my head into the space below his shoulder as we walked. It amazed me how he seemed to know exactly what I needed sometimes. Maybe it was the whole soulmate thing, or maybe it was the fact that he was an angel, or maybe Castiel was just that perceptive, but whatever the reason, I was glad he did, and I sent a silent prayer of thanks to God for him.

Castiel straightened when we entered the room and cleared his throat loudly, effectively silencing the argument that had erupted between Rowena and the Winchesters. "There has to be another way to achieve that same...connection without it being a public act," he told them.

"Well unless you know a better way to do it," Rowena scoffed, "I suggest you get to stripping, big boy."

"What exactly does the spell ask for us to do?" I asked her.

Rowena rolled her eyes and started ticking off items on her fingertips. "I have to mix up the potion, say a few words, and then you two drink said potion and do the deed, but you must achieve orgasm at the same time or it won't work."

Castiel's hand slipped down to grasp mine before he stepped forward. "But we don't have to have an audience, correct?"

The witch blinked. "Well, no, but..."

"But nothing, Rowena," Castiel told her, the corner of his lips twitching slightly. "Prepare the ingredients and let me know when you're ready to begin."


	11. Chapter 11

My foot bounced against the concrete floor, the heel of my shoe making rapid tapping sounds in the otherwise silent room. After agreeing to take part in Rowena's spell, everyone kind of went off in their own direction to wait while she prepared it. Sam settled into a chair with a book open in his lap, Dean was busy cleaning his gun and sipping whiskey, Castiel watched every move the witch made, and I was here, cowering in the corner. I rubbed tight circles into my right palm with my left thumb and blew out a long breath through pursed lips. My heart was pounding, my pulse whooshing in my ears, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get a grip on myself. 

"Melanie? Are you alright?"

My eyes snapped up to the concerned face of the blue eyed angel in front of me--I hadn't even heard him walk over. I started to say something, but when I opened my mouth nothing came out. I pressed my lips together and offered him a tight smile, but if the look on his face was anything to go by, Castiel was less than convinced. I watched as he pried my now-clenched hands apart and smoothed out my fingers before kissing each palm. 

"Try and calm down," he murmured against my skin. His eyes rose to meet mine, and a shiver rolled down my spine as he stared at me. 

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. 

Castiel smiled softly and pressed my hand to his cheek. "You don't have anything to be sorry for."

"I'm probably gonna screw this whole thing up," I admitted. "I can't focus. What if I do something wrong? What if the spell backfires, and you end up getting hurt?" I shook my head and blinked back the tears threatening to spill forth. "I'm scared, Castiel," I whispered. 

His face broke then, his eyebrows pulling together and the corners of his mouth slipping down into a frown, and he stood, pulling me up into his arms as he did. "It'll work, Melanie. We'll be fine." I inhaled a shaky breath and gripped Castiel's t-shirt in my fists before tilting my head back to look up at him. "We don't have to do this, though. We can still back out if you want."

I was shaking my head before he even finished his last sentence. "No," I said firmly. "You're getting your grace back if it's the last thing I do."

Castiel searched my face and nodded once. "Okay."

"Alright, everyone," Rowena announced, breaking the stillness. "I'm ready." 

Dean shared a look with his brother before glancing in our direction and standing. "What now?" he asked.

"I just have to add one more ingredient and then it will be ready for them to drink." Rowena shrugged. "Should be simple enough."

I steeled myself and headed towards the table, Castiel right on my heels. A large wooden bowl was filled with various powders, and several opened jars were scattered on the table around it. "How are we going to drink powder?"

"That's the last ingredient," Rowena explained. "I'll be needing both of your to donate a smidge of blood before I can mix it all together."

My stomach rolled. "Blood? We have to drink blood?"

"Well at least it's your own and not a stranger's, dear."

I grimaced. "Gross."

"You can still say no," Castiel reminded me while placing his warm palm on the small of my back. The move reminded me of the night he and the Winchesters saved me, when Castiel guided me across the street to the diner and the safe feeling a simple touch provided.

I eyed the small pile of powders and other such dry ingredients in the bowl. "How much do you need?"

"Oh a few ounces at least from each of you," Rowena replied easily. It sounded like she was talking about water or milk not our freaking blood.

I plastered on a sarcastic grin and clapped my hands together. "Yay...," I whispered, earning a chuckle from Dean.

The older Winchester crossed his arms and smirked at me. "Oh you're gonna have loads of fun with this, kiddo."

"Dude, I'm about to take part in a sex spell. I don't think that makes me much of a kid, do you?" I rolled my eyes at his silence and took hold of the short dagger on the table. "That's what I thought," I muttered as I pressed the edge of the blade to my left forearm. My eyes flicked up to Castiel beside me, but his gaze was locked on the blade in my hand, and his jaw clenched as he drew in a long breath through his nose.

Biting my lip to contain any sounds of pain, I dragged the blade across my skin and watched as bright red blood began pouring from the wound. I quickly jerked my arm to hold it over the bowl and groaned while flexing my hand. Rowena nodded once when she thought it was enough, and Castiel immediately wrapped my forearm tightly with a blue bandana before slicing into his own arm. 

"That'll do, angel," Rowena murmured eventually, and Dean offered Castiel another bandana to stop the bleeding while the witch mixed the ingredients together with a large wooden spoon and started reciting the spell. "A pars meī, pars vestrum. Quid sit separato obsecro sana. Duo cordibus vestris, unam animam meam. Nunc coniungere!"

The mixture began boiling as Rowena spoke, and I gripped Castiel's arm. His eyes stayed trained on the bowl, and as soon as Rowena spoke the final word, the liquid went still. The room was silent as she divided it between two smaller bowls and handed one to myself and the angel beside me. My eyes moved from the bowl up to the witch, but she was already herding the Winchesters out of the room.

"Wonder what that's about," I murmured before locking eyes with Castiel. 

"Are you ready?" he asked, a tinge of fear in his voice. 

I held the bowl up and offered a half-hearted smile. "Cheers." 

Rowena really should have warned us about the spell's side effects. 

Our heads tipped the potion back at the same time, and when the last of the liquid trickled down my throat, I sucked in a large gulp of fresh, salty air. 

Castiel.

The hunger in his bright, blue eyes was fierce, and I could tell he was restraining himself as I lunged forward, but he caught me and pulled my legs up around his waist while his lips pressed against mine. There was fire everywhere we touched, but I enjoyed the burn, relished the feel, and needed more of it, so I jerked my shirt over my head and did the same with his. I gasped into his mouth before being cut off by Castiel's skilled tongue, and suddenly I found myself on my back as he ground into my pelvis and ran his hands along the sides of my torso. He took one breast in hand, and I arched into his touch, begging for more.

"Patience," Castiel whispered.

"Screw that."

I tore my hands from his hair and fumbled with the button of his jeans as he nipped at the skin along my neck. His fly popped open, and Castiel bit down hard on my shoulder, drawing a crazed whine from my throat. Reaching inside, I found the angel already fully--painfully--hard and held him tight in my hand before withdrawing and locking eyes as I licked from the base of my palm to the tip of my fingers. I held his gaze and took him in my hand once more, smirking as his nostrils flared.

"I said, patience, Melanie. The spell requires precision, remember?" A bead of sweat trickled down the side of his face, disappearing under his jaw, and I bit my lip to keep from licking it up. His body shuddered against me as he watched the move, and something like a growl rolled through Castiel's chest. "Bed?"

I nodded rapidly, and Castiel slipped one arm around me, holding me tight to his body as he pushed off the table and strode out of the room and into the hall. I left sloppy, open-mouthed kisses on his shoulders and neck, and as I sucked on Castiel's earlobe, he spun and backed me up against the nearest wall. The impact provided enough of a distraction that Castiel could perform his own assault on my neck, drawing long moans from my throat while I ground against him. 

"Castiel," I gasped, "I'm not sure we're going to make it to your bedroom."

He dropped my legs so fast I nearly hit the floor with them, but a firm hand on my shoulder kept me from falling. Castiel stared hard into my eyes, our chests heaving while we fought to catch our breath, as his fingers blazed a trail down my arm, leaving goosebumps in their wake, before intertwining with my own. 

He turned and dragged me quickly down the hall to his room and practically knocked down the door to get inside. He shut it behind us just as quickly and spun me around so that my back was pressed to the wall and dropped to his knees in front of me. Castiel planted soft kisses all along my ribs and down to where my lower abdomen disappeared into my jeans. My breath hitched as he glanced up at me through his dark lashes and dipped his fingers into my waistband. 

"No matter what happens," Castiel murmured as he lowered my fly, "I'll always love you, Melanie."

My heart did this little stutter step, and I carded my fingers through his dark hair. "I love you, too, Castiel. No matter what."

The angel released a short sigh and dragged my jeans and underwear down to my ankles before helping me step out of them. When I was free, Castiel ran his nose along the curve of my inner thigh all the way up to my mound. He then inhaled deeply and groaned before pushing my feet apart and dipping his tongue into my folds. My head fell back against the wall at the first long swipe against my clit, and I was shaking by the time he thrust his tongue inside me.

"Ca-Castiel, I'm not--" He slid one finger inside me and began thrusting while sucking on my clit, and I cried out with a broken moan. I felt myself tightening around his finger and forced myself to push him away. "Stop," I whispered. "I won't last if you keep doing that."

Castiel nodded and stood with his hands pressed flat against the wall on either side of my head, and I pushed his jeans down while he kissed my cheek and jaw. Once he was naked, I gave his broad chest a gentle shove and removed my bra while he stumbled backwards. I followed him to the bed and straddled his lap, loving the feel of finally getting down to nothing between us but air, loving the way Castiel's hands pressed into my skin, loving the sheer ecstasy on his face as we writhed against each other. 

One hand went to my hair, and he pulled my lips down to his mouth and kissed me slowly, deeply, and with feeling before flipping our positions and lowering me onto the mattress. I settled back onto the soft pillows, never breaking eye contact with the angel hovering above me, and framed his face with my hands as he entered me. There was no burn this time, but Castiel still paused to let me adjust to his size and touched his forehead to mine, and I shut my eyes before taking a deep, shuddering breath. This is it, I thought. No going back now.

"You're trembling," Castiel noted, and I bit my lip. "Don't be scared, Melanie. I've got you."

I forced myself to meet his intense gaze, but all I saw in those blue eyes was an open sincerity that gave me the courage to push past my fears. I hooked one leg around Castiel's waist and kissed him hard.

"Move."

He started slow, dragging each thrust out to the point of pain, and it was all I could do to keep my eyes on his. Intense isn't even the word to describe what I was feeling. It was more, it was spiritual, and it was holy. We were totally in sync with each other, connecting on a level I'd never thought possible, and the closer he brought me to the brink, the more I felt as if we were actually one being. Nothing could break us now, nothing. 

Castiel's thrusts quickened, and his lips parted with a groan. He was close--we both were. I could feel him swelling inside me, nearing that tipping point, and slowly, a white glow began emanating from my chest, growing in brightness as we pushed on, but Castiel was determined, and with one final kiss, we came together, and my world blew apart.

I opened my eyes in time to see the white ball of light fly directly into the angel's chest, and Castiel's wide eyes met mine briefly as he was thrown back against the far wall. A high-pitched ringing noise pierced my ears, and I clapped my hands over them, but all I could focus on was Castiel's cries in the distance. The white light had grown to completely envelope my angel, and I had to squint to see even the edge of the bed. 

I pulled the sheet up around my body and huddled there with my arms wrapped around my knees as the room rocked with the force of the explosion.


	12. Chapter 12

The room had dimmed some, and I no longer heard the piercing hum from earlier, so I tentatively raised my head just enough to peak over my forearm at where I thought I last saw Castiel and gasped.

He was just straightening up out of a kneeling position on the floor, the white light fading with every passing second, but it wasn't the otherworldly neon hue his blue eyes had taken on or the way his still naked skin seemed to glow like the sun that had my attention. It was the pair of wings spanning out on either side of his shoulders and the way the full plumes of feathers seemed to stretch and flex that I couldn't tear my eyes from. Of course, I saw only the shadow of Castiel's wings, but it amazed me nonetheless, and I stared dumbly at them until the light had completely gone and Sam and Dean were literally knocking down the bedroom door. 

Castiel disappeared with a whoosh but just as suddenly reappeared at my side, folding his arms around me to create a barrier between myself and the world. One hand cupped my cheek gently as his eyes scanned my body for injury, but as the Winchesters finally broke in with a crash, Castiel's hand dropped and was wrapped around his angel blade--where he'd been hiding that beauty, I'll never know. Dean was the first to see us both huddled on the bed, and he started to speak when the angel cut him off.

"It worked, Dean," Castiel told him. "My grace has been restored."

The explanation did little to erase the worry from Sam and Dean's faces, though, as they eyed the gleaming weapon. "Cas, man," Dean asked, "what's with the angel blade?"

"I..." Castiel's eyes dropped to the blade, and he slowly released it, letting the item fall to the mattress. "I'm sorry. It was an instinctual reaction." 

Sam's brows furrowed, and his fingers twitched at his sides. "We heard an explosion. It rocked the whole bunker, and we thought you were dead." 

I was still too shocked to say anything, but Castiel was quick on the draw. "Melanie and I both appear to be fine. There seem to be no negative effects from the spell or removing my grace from Melanie's soul."

"Yeah, but what was that--"

"And what the hell happened over here?" Dean asked from the other side of the room. The wall was cracked, the obvious result of a large object being thrown against it, and the dresser was in splinters. He narrowed his eyes at the angel and took a step towards us. "Why don't you let us take a look at Melanie just to be sure?"

"Lay a hand in her and it'll be the last thing you ever do," Castiel growled. 

"Castiel!" I hissed. "What's your problem?"

"They shouldn't see you without clothing," Castiel murmured, never taking his eyes off of the hunters.

"So I'll get dressed! It's not a big deal."

Sam held up his hands in surrender. "Yeah, man. We just want to make sure she's really okay." 

Castiel cocked his head and stared at me. "What would you like to wear today?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. A t-shirt and yoga pants sounds pretty nice right about now."

Castiel disappeared again and reappeared seconds later dressed in his usual suit and trench coat, a stack of clothing folded neatly in his hands. "Will this suffice?"

I blinked in surprise and looked to the boys, but they were just as shocked as I was. Sam's mouth opened and closed a couple of times, and Dean looked ready to cry. "Dude," Dean choked, "you've got your wings back."

Castiel rolled his shoulders casually and placed the clothing at my side. "Yes, it appears I do." A full grin little up his face, and finally I was able to see my angel again. "I can fly again, Dean."

"But how?"

Castiel shook his head and looked at me, his bright eyes shining. "I don't know," he admitted softly. I wish I had a camera so that I could have captured how adorable he looked in that moment. His dark hair was still windswept, and his tie hung loosely around his neck, but his eyes...his eyes were tender and just a hint of a smile now played at his lips. 

It made me want to jump him all over again. 

Castiel raised an eyebrow at me, and I huffed a laugh. He must have heard that. "Guys, I could really do with some privacy now if y'all don't mind..." I nodded towards the stack of clothes, and Sam grabbed Dean's sleeve, pulling him out of the room. "You, too, handsome," I told Castiel.

His face fell, but he quickly recovered. "Perhaps a shower is in order?" I frowned. Yeah, I probably did stink. Castiel winked and pulled me into his arms. "Allow me."

I blinked as warmth cocooned me, and we were standing in the middle of a large bathroom with three shower stalls lined up in a row across from a countertop boasting three sinks under a long mirror. "Wow," I breathed. "Don't think I'll be getting used to that anytime soon."

Castiel chuckled behind me, but when I turned around, he was gone.

"So weird."  
_____________

I showered and dressed quickly, anxious to join my angel again, and jogged down the hall towards the library. I heard voices as I drew nearer, and it only served to push myself faster. Three heads snapped up when I rounded the last corner, but I only had eyes for the one already staring at me. Castiel was sitting on the far side of one of the long tables beside Dean, and the corners of his mouth curved upwards as I locked onto him.

"Hi," I breathed, crossing the room quickly. Castiel stood as I came around the table, and he immediately cupped my face and kissed me.

"Hello, Melanie," he whispered.

Dean groaned, and I could practically hear him rolling his eyes. "You two done? We've got other things to discuss ya know."

"Shut it, Winchester," I grinned, never looking away from Castiel. "My angel just got his wings back, his actual wings, so I think a little celebration is in order."

"That's exactly what we've been talking about," Dean snapped, and I frowned. 

"Castiel? What's going on?"

He looked away and sighed before sitting back down and pulling me onto his lap. He was awful handsy now that he had his grace back.

"I wasn't at full strength when we met," he explained, blue eyes boring into my own. "I haven't flown in...years, Melanie, and I haven't felt so powerful since before I fell. It's all very confusing, and we've been discussing it, but we cannot find a reason." Castiel slumped against the chair and shook his head. "I'm a believer that good things happen, but this? I don't know..."

Sam sat forward and propped his elbows on the table. "The best theory we've been able to come up with is that when Fate made you two soulmates, the grace she took from Cas was from before he fell."

I nodded. "That makes sense," I murmured.

"Yeah, but why?" Dean asked. "She must have known what would happen if he got it back, so why not take some grace from later on, like when Metatron stole it?"

"Castiel was supposed to die on that beach," I reminded them. "Fate never intended him to make it out alive, so she probably didn't think anything of it."

"Or," Rowena offered as she set her tea cup and saucer on the table, "perhaps she had to have grace from the same time period that Melanie's soul was created." She folded her hands in her lap and raised a brow at Castiel. "If what you and I know of soulmates is correct, then I'm sure this was a delicate procedure. She may not have had a choice."

"So what now?" I asked as I looked at the people around me. (Two people, one angel, and a witch, my mind corrected.) "I mean, Castiel having his wings back isn't exactly a bad thing, right?"

"Wait a second." Sam extended a hand towards Castiel. "Can you feel Lucifer? Are you able to tell where he is?"

Castiel's brows pulled together as he searched the space in front of him. "I...I'm not sure. I can feel his power, but I cannot pinpoint his exact location." He raised his eyes to meet Sam's hazel ones. "It's like he's moving around from place to place."

The brothers shared a look before Dean spoke up. "That's good, though, right? At least this way we can tell if he's getting closer to us."

Castiel shook his head. "No. No, something's wrong. It shouldn't be this difficult to find him." He winced slightly, and I laid a hand on his shoulder. 

"Castiel?"

The angel closed his eyes and shook his head once. "No," he murmured. "Something's blocking me. It's--" He winced again and gasped quietly. "There's a wall. I can't get around it. Lucifer has found a way to hide himself from--ah!"

"Castiel!" 

He was gripping the sides of his head now, and I slid off his lap to kneel between his knees. I watched in horror as the angel gritted his teeth and bowed his head in pain, and my hands flitted uselessly over his body. Dean gripped Castiel's shoulder and gave it a good shake while calling his name, and suddenly he was back, his blue eyes snapping open to meet mine as he panted. They were wide with fear, and his mouth dropped open as he snatched my hand from the air.

"Whatever he's done," Castiel gritted out, "it's exceedingly painful to try and access him through angel radio." He blew out a harsh breath and sat back in the chair while running his thumb over the back of my hand. I guess it was supposed to be a soothing action, and it did help to some extent, but I still didn't know what to do to help.

Useless, my mind supplied. You have no idea what you're doing, so what good are you to them?

Castiel narrowed his eyes at me, and I shook the thought off and pushed the negative voice to the back of my mind. I didn't have time to deal with this self-loathing crap. Bigger things were afoot. 

"But you can still tell if he's close though, right?" Dean demanded. 

Castiel rolled his eyes at the hunter. "Yes, Dean. I'm not totally incompetent."

Unlike some people...

I blinked in surprise. Something wasn't right. Usually I was able to focus a little easier, get a tighter reign on my emotions.

"Melanie?"

"What?" I asked, feeling slightly off balance. 

Castiel furrowed his brows and dropped his palm from my face. I'd been so caught up in my own mind that I hadn't noticed him touch me. He dropped his voice to a soft whisper. "Are you alright?"

I shook my head. "Yeah, I think I'm just tired."

"You should try to rest. That spell was..." His eyes shifted towards the other people in the room as he tried to come up with an appropriate word before dragging back to me. "Intense."

"I'll say," Dean snorted. "I will never, ever get the sounds you two were making out of my friggin mind."

"Dean!" Sam hissed while Rowena simply bit her lip. It didn't seem as though I was the only one worn out. The witch had barely spoken, and Sam was looking kind of haggard himself.

"What?!" Dean pointed at his little brother. "Dude, you heard them as well as I did! It was like a zoo in here!"

Looks like they know what a slut you are, too. No good for an angel...

The thought caught me off guard again, and my eyes went wide while the brothers bickered back and forth. "Oh my gosh..."

Thankfully, my angel took my reaction as being towards Dean's comments, and he stood quickly. "That's enough." Castiel's voice wasn't loud, but it carried an air of authority to it I'd never heard before, and the room fell silent. "Melanie," he said, holding a hand out to me, "you can sleep in my room of you like. It appears I won't be needing the bed."

I placed my hand in his and followed him silently down the hall, my mind still whirling around the new voice there. Where had it come from, and why was it rearing its ugly head now? Was it the spell? Did it release it like some kind of magical byproduct? Or was it just my own fears and self-doubt surfacing after losing what small piece of Castiel's grace I had? Were we still soulmates? Maybe. He still had a portion of my soul as far as I knew, but did he still feel that same pull towards me that he once did? And what about--

"Melanie?"

I was snapped back into reality like a rubber band. We were standing in the middle of his room, and Castiel was once again staring intently at me. "Huh?" I managed.

The angel furrowed his brows and reached forward to cradle my face with one hand. "Something's not right."

No shit, Sherlock. 

My face must have shown my surprise at the thought that definitely wasn't mine because Castiel placed his other hand flat on my lower back and stepped closer. "What's going on?"

"I don't..." I sighed and dropped my gaze. "I'm not sure."

Castiel tilted my face up so that he could once more look me in the eye. He bit his lip for a few seconds as he seemed to debate something, but then his jaw set, and he slowly raised two fingers up to touch my forehead. "Don't move," he murmured. 

A tiny jolt of electricity coursed through my body, running all the way from his fingers to my toes and back again. I gasped at the sensation, but Castiel held me tighter, and his eyes closed in concentration as the jolt slowly built into a full on shock. I gripped the lapels of his jacket and grit my teeth, but soon the sensation became too much to bear, and my knees buckled.

Immediately, Castiel dropped his fingers and caught me. "I'm sorry!" he said quickly as I sagged against his chest. "I don't know what happened. I was simply searching for ailments. It shouldn't have hurt you."

"S'okay," I mumbled. Suddenly I was tired, so very tired, and I fought to keep my eyes open. "Y'didn't mean to do it..." Yeah, sleep was sounding pretty good, and I nuzzled into the angel's chest a little more as my lids finally closed. 

Castiel stiffened a bit before scooping me up and walking over to the bed where he gently laid me on a pillow and pulled the covers up over me. I heard him sigh, and the bed dipped before his warm hand brushed a strand of hair away from my face. It rested on my cheek a few seconds before pressing against my forehead. He swore quietly, and I barely felt the brush of his lips against mine before the sound of wings broke the stillness. 

I breathed his name one last time as unconsciousness pulled me under.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Questions? Comments? Constructive criticism? Let me know! 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	13. Chapter 13

A strangled voice. "She's burning up, Dean. I-I don't know what to do."

I felt an unfamiliar hand on my face and shied away from it with a groan. "I'll do what I can, Cas, but we might need help."

"I'll see what Heaven knows."  
_____________

The whisper of wings beating.

"Thank you for watching over her." There was a pause, and then, "Where's Sam?"

"Making sure Rowena gets to the safe house. How's it going upstairs?"

Castiel sighed. "It doesn't look good...Naomi is alive."

"What?!"

"She says Heaven is low on power. Lucifer was ruling it, but he left, and now the lights are barely staying on."

"Well did she know anything about Melanie?"

"She--it--they don't know." The bed sank beside me, and I leaned into the cool hand on my skin. "No one has experience with this type of thing," Castiel whispered. 

"She'll be okay."

"You don't know that."  
_____________

I've been here before, I thought as my feet sank in the sand.

The wind was whipping my hair all around my face, but I could never miss the trench coat flapping up ahead or the set of shoulders it covered. I started walking towards him, and the angel turned with a smile. 

"Hello, Melanie."

His voice echoed in my ears, even at this distance, and I picked up my pace, itching to be near him again. I had to get to him soon, something bad was coming, but I couldn't remember exactly what. Laughter rang out, and I searched frantically for the source. It was familiar, so, so familiar. 

"Castiel!" I shouted. His face twisted with confusion, the smile slipping from his features. "It's not safe here. We have to go!"

The laughter continued, and I watched in horror as a blade stabbed through the front of Castiel's chest. His eyes blew wide, a bright light shining just behind the irises, and he dropped to his knees to reveal Lucifer standing behind him. 

"Castiel!" I slid to a stop beside his limp body, catching him as he slumped forward and pulling him onto my lap. I knew this was going to happen, so why couldn't I prevent it? My heart was breaking, and it was a strangely physical sensation. I blinked back tears and clenched my jaw before glaring up at Castiel's attacker. "Screw you," I whispered. 

The devil grinned something sinister and reached down, gripping my shoulder and hauling me away from the scorched sand around what remained of my angel. I clawed at his hand and turned and twisted, but nothing worked. 

"Quit fighting it," Lucifer told me as he dropped me. "You're mine now."

I raised wide eyes to the devil's face, an eerie orange glow casting shadows that made his features sharper, and screamed.   
__________

My back arched off the bed, and I writhed in the twisted sheets. "Castiel!" I screamed. "No! No, no no, please!"

"Melanie!" 

Strong arms pulled me against a firm chest, but I continued to sob, the horror of what had unfolded in my mind's eye too much for me to handle. "Please, Castiel..."

"Shh..." I was rocking now, and someone was stroking my hair. "You're okay now. I'm here. I promise I won't leave you."

My fingers found the steady thump of a beating heart, and I gasped again as I cracked open one eye to peak at the face of who now held me.

"Castiel?" I breathed. He nodded once, his dark brows pulled together, and I used what energy I had to throw myself against him, inhaling the salt and rain that always clung to his skin. "You were gone," I choked out. "You--you were dead, and Lucifer had me. He--"

"Lucifer?" Castiel's voice was high with alarm, his eyes wide. He tightened his hold on me and cupped my jaw with his other hand. "What happened? Was he in your dream again?"

I shook my head and stared at the angel, my heart sinking. "It wasn't a dream, Castiel." His head tilted to the side in question, and I whispered the next part so low I barely heard it myself. "It was a vision."

Castiel swallowed hard, and I swear I saw something in his eyes break a little, but he recovered quickly, tucking a strand of hair back behind my ear. "We'll deal with my brother when the time comes," he murmured, "but right now we have more pressing matters to deal with. How are you feeling?"

My mouth dropped open, but nothing came out. How could he just brush off something like this? I shook my head again and carded my fingers through his hair. "I saw you die. I think that's pressing enough, don't you?"

The corner of his mouth curved up, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. "It's not the first time you've seen me die in your visions, Melanie. It doesn't have to happen like that. Nothing is set in stone."

"But this felt so much more realistic than the last time," I insisted. "I just wish I knew more about it so that I could stop it..."

My eyes fell to the angel's collar, but he ducked down to capture my gaze once more. "I won't let Lucifer get you again. No matter what happens to me, you will be safe."

I heard the truth in his words, knew that Castiel would without a doubt protect me til his dying breath, but then, that was the problem wasn't it? Castiel was going to die, and I was powerless to save him.

"I don't care what happens to me," I mumbled. "It's you I worry about."

He sighed and closed his eyes while touching our foreheads together. "You aren't going to let this go, are you?"

"Not a chance."

"Melanie..."

I pulled back and took his face in my hands. "You just don't get it, do you? I love you, Castiel. You're everything to me, and I can't lose you. I refuse to live a life without you in it."

His blue eyes flashed, and there was a new charge in the air that raised goosebumps on my arms as Castiel stared at me. He hugged me close, and in a flash I was on my back with the angel hovering above me. "You will go on," he growled. "You don't get to give up just because you lose someone. That is not how it works. If you love me, if you really do, you will never stop fighting after I'm gone." 

His eyes softened, and he traced my lower lip with his thumb. "You will live a long, full life, Melanie. If something happens to me, I want you to move on. Find someone else, have a family, children, grandchildren, all of it. You deserve to be happy."

"I'm happy with you," I whispered, but Castiel shook his head. 

"I can't give you the life that I want for you. All I can offer is myself."

"That's all I need."

He opened his mouth, no doubt to protest again, but thankfully there was a knock on the door, and Dean walked in. He raised his eyebrows at our position but didn't say anything about it which was strange. "Gabe called. Sounds like he got himself into trouble with a few demigods upstate, so we're gonna head out and give him a hand. Did you want to come, or...?"

Castiel looked back down at me and seemed to come to a decision before rolling off of me and standing beside the bed. "I'll stay with Melanie for now. I don't think it's a good idea for her to take part in a case right now, but I don't want her to be alone either. You can call if you need my assistance."

Dean nodded once and laid his hand on the doorknob. "It's good to see you awake, kiddo," he told me.

"Still not a kid," I grinned. 

Dean offered a half-hearted smile in return and looked back at Castiel. "You guys might want to make a run to the drugstore. I'm sure she's gonna need more than just the basic toiletries." 

He was right. I had little more than a toothbrush and deodorant at this point, so it was probably a good idea to stock up on a few things. Which reminded me...

"We'll take care of it as soon as she can travel," Castiel replied. "And Dean?"

The older Winchester stopped. "Hmm?"

Castiel's face grew serious. "Bring my brother home."

"We'll try, Cas."  
_____________

"Who's Gabe?" I asked from the passenger seat of what I could only describe as a tricked out granny mobile. Castiel had wanted to fly, but I pointed out that not only would we freak out everyone in town by appearing out of things air, but we'd also have several bags to carry with us, and a car would make the trip easier. He'd pouted some but eventually agreed, and that's how we ended up in a car that reminded me of the one my own great-grandma had driven when I was a kid.

"It's actually Gabriel, and he's an archangel."

"Another one?" Castiel nodded, and I sighed. "I take it that he's a good guy, right?"

"He's on our side," Castiel said. 

"But?"

The angel's eyes flirted over to me before settling back on the road. "My brother has an interesting history with Sam and Dean. For a long time he tried to warn them about the apocalypse through less than conventional methods, but his heart was always in the right place, and he eventually sided with us, but we thought Lucifer killed him when Gabriel actually faked his death. He then got captured by a demon and was held captive up until right before I met you."

"So almost three weeks ago, then." I tried to keep my voice steady, but inside I was freaking out. Three weeks, three weeks, three weeks...

Whore.

I bit the inside of my cheek at the thought, and Castiel reached across the seat for my hand. "Gabriel can be a bit reckless, but you can trust him, Melanie. I do."

"Yeah, no, I do," I assured him. "If you say he's okay, then I believe you."

"Then why are you so nervous?"

My stomach dropped. I'd been doing the math over and over in my head, but I kept coming up with the same answer. My mind kept telling me it was the stress of everything that had happened that had made me a few days late, but my gut was saying something totally different, something I didn't want to face. How could I have been so stupid? 

"I'm fine," I lied, keeping my eyes forward. If I didn't look at the angel it would be easier to keep it together. I saw Castiel look at me out of the corner of my eye, but he turned back to the road when I refused to meet his gaze, and I reached down to switch on the radio. I gave him a little smirk as Britney Spears began playing but said nothing the rest of the way to the store.

When we got there, Castiel was on high alert, his eyes taking in everything around us. He kept his arm around my back as we walked inside, and I could feel the way his muscles tensed each time someone walked by. I got a few essentials, shampoo, conditioner, razors, a brush of my own, and a little bit of makeup, but then we reached the feminine section and I bit my lip. How was I supposed to do this with an actual angel on my shoulder?

I peaked up at him, but he was staring suspiciously at a man a few yards away. "Um, Castiel?"

At my voice, he immediately turned to me. "Yes?"

I gestured at the aisle in front of us. "Do you mind if I do this part alone? It's kinda embarrassing."

Castiel squinted his eyes and tilted his head a bit, shifting the shopping basket to his other arm. "We've had sexual intercourse. Why does menstruation bother you?"

I could feel the blush coloring my cheeks and quickly averted my eyes. "It's just a personal thing, okay? Look, do you mind just grabbing us a few snacks, maybe a cheap movie? I'm going to grab some stuff here and then hit the bathroom. I'll meet you as soon as I'm done."

"Melanie, I don't--"

"Please? I'm kind of tired and really just want to get back to the bunker." 

Castiel pressed his mouth into a thin line and released a sharp breath through his nose before holding up a finger. "Be quick," he instructed. "I'll meet you outside the restrooms."

I flashed him a quick smile and pressed a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you." I watched him walk away until he turned down an aisle, and then I was moving. 

I went through a bit of a rebellious phase in high school. It didn't last long, but it did leave me with an uncanny ability to shoplift without getting caught. It was that period of my life I drew off of as I ambled past the shelves full of tampons and pads, down to where they kept condoms and lube. I spotted the bright pink box and snatched it as I walked by, slipping it into my pocket on the way to the bathroom sign ahead.

Once I was through the door, I made a beeline for the stall at the end of the line and locked it behind me. My hands were shaking as I tore into the package, but I finally got it open and scanned the directions quickly. It seemed easy enough, just pee, wait, and check. I pulled down my pants and uncapped the plastic stick before sitting down and sticking it into the line of fire. When I was done I replaced the cap and laid the test flat on top of the toilet paper dispenser before making quick work of cleaning up and hiding the box deep inside the trash.

Then I prayed.

I was standing in the corner of the stall, as far away from the test as I could possibly get, my hands clasped together under my chin and eyes closed as I silently begged God to give me a break. I stayed that way for several minutes before opening my eyes again and taking a small step forward. 

"Please, please, please, please, please," I breathed as I picked up the test.

I gasped and covered my mouth with a hand as I stared down at the two pink lines in the indicator window.

It's official. God hates me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	14. Chapter 14

I wrapped my fingers tightly around the test as I tried to come to terms with what was now staring me in the face.

Pregnant. 

I'm pregnant. 

It was my own fault, really. Castiel and I had never used protection, but then, I never really considered it a problem either. I guess I just assumed that because he'd been an angel, he was sterile or something. Of course, he was human up until very recently, and if the devil has a kid, then why wouldn't Castiel have the ability to procreate as well? I had no one to blame but myself. It was just sheer idiocy that led me to this point. 

Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

There was a little tug in my chest, right where my heart lay, and in that moment I knew I had made up my mind. I slumped down the wall and crossed my legs, closing my eyes once more as my head fell backwards with a thump. I prepared myself for what I had to do next. I had no idea how to tell him, but I didn't have a choice either. I wanted this kid, it was mine after all, but I needed to know how the angel outside felt.

"Castiel."

As soon as I breathed the word, my voice breaking as it fell from my lips, he appeared under the fluorescent lights and was dropping to his knees beside me. The angel took my face in his hands and stroked my cheeks with his thumbs, but I just stared blankly at the wall ahead.

"Melanie, what's wrong? What happened?" I could hear the distress in his voice, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I couldn't do much of anything, really. I was frozen. "Melanie," he said again, "you have to talk to me. Please! I don't understand what's happening."

I raised exhausted, emotionless eyes to meet Castiel's frantic ones and held up the little stick for him to see. He glanced at it and then back to me, his eyes wide and not quite understanding. "I'm pregnant," I said softly. 

"You're..." Castiel raised his brows as his mouth fell open slightly. He gently pried the test from my fingers and settled on the floor beside me, mirroring my cross-legged position as he stared at the thing. His brows were furrowed, the crease between them forming a deep v, and his lips were pressed into a thin line.

I eyed him warily, waiting for the inevitable backlash, the anger and blame that would surely befall me in this quiet little corner of the world. Instead, I was beyond shocked when Castiel looped one arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side. He pressed a kiss in my hair and sighed while his fingers stroked my upper arm rhythmically. He continued to gaze silently at the test, and I wondered what was running through his mind at the moment.

"It's okay," he finally murmured. "I don't know how, but we'll make it work. I don't--I mean, it has to be human, otherwise I would have felt its power. I didn't think I'd ever--" Castiel stopped and stared at me in awe. "We're going to be parents." His face broke into a blinding grin, and he kissed me hard. I was shocked by the sudden move at first, but then I returned the kiss, melding my lips to his as they moved. 

I couldn't believe it. He was happy that I was pregnant, and he actually wanted to go through with it! My heart was soaring, all the pain and anguish I had been feeling just washed away by the beautiful angel beside me. Knowing he was okay, that he wanted this, eased all my fears. He was right, we could make it work. 

Castiel broke away still smiling, and he pulled out his phone to type out a message while hugging me tight. It buzzed a few minutes later, and Castiel winked just before the world fell away.

I blinked, and I was standing in an unfamiliar room, Castiel's strong arms holding me close to his chest. I looked up and shook my head when I saw the angel was still grinning ear to ear. "You're insane," I told him.

"Like Cuckoo's Nest crazy?" Dean huffed from behind us.

Castiel turned, keeping one arm around me, and greeted the Winchesters and the shorter man leaning against the far wall, Gabriel I assumed. The archangel narrowed his eyes at me slightly before quirking an eyebrow. I grew uncomfortable under his scrutiny and shifted closer to Castiel as he spoke. 

"We have news."

Sam and Dean shared a glance before Dean put down the gun he'd been cleaning and leaned back in his chair. "What's up, Cas?"

There was a beat of silence where I could have sworn Castiel was going to burst from sheer excitement, but he grinned down at me, took a breath, and then, "It's Melanie. She's--"

"Pregnant."

Sam and Dean whipped around to stare at Gabriel in shock as Castiel's face fell. Obviously he'd wanted to be the one to share the news. 

"The hell did you just say?" Dean asked, and Gabriel shrugged. 

"She's pregnant. Go ahead and ask 'em if you don't believe me."

Dean glared at us while Sam remained slack-jawed. "Tell me he's lying," the older Winchester demanded. "Tell me you didn't go and knock her up, man!"

I flinched away from Dean's raised voice, instinctively curling into Castiel's side and gripping his coat. The angel's jaw was tight, his eyes hard as he assessed his friend. "I wrongly assumed you would be happy for us."

"Happy?!" Dean scoffed and wiped a hand down his face. "Dude, do you not remember the nephilim currently running around the other earth with Mom? Remember what happened to Kelly?"

Sam held up a hand, his eyes never leaving mine. "Dean, stop for a second." His brother gave him an incredulous look but remained quiet as Sam stood, his face open and tone gentle. "How far along are you?"

I shrunk back a bit and dropped my eyes. "I don't know. I'm only a few days late, and the trip to the drugstore reminded me of it. I figured I should test just in case cause we haven't, ya know, used any kind of protection."

Sam furrowed his brows. "So it's human then? I mean, you guys didn't do anything before Cas lost his grace, right?"

"That's correct," Castiel agreed.

"Cas, you can't just," Dean waved his hand through the air as he tried to come up with the right word, "do that, you know? You've got to be more careful."

I was full on hiding my face in Castiel's coat at this point and wishing I could be anywhere but there, but I felt him squeeze me once reassuringly, and it helped to an extent. I knew our situation wasn't ideal. Hell, it's not like I wanted this to happen, but it did, and maybe I allowed myself to get caught up in Castiel's excitement. Maybe I let it blind me a bit, but still... This kid--boy or girl, whichever it turned out to be--was a part of the angel beside me. It was a product of my soulmate and I finding each other, and I just, I couldn't help but love it. 

My mind whirled at the thought of a dark-haired little boy with Castiel's eyes running around my feet. I wondered how we would raise him. How would we explain angels to him? What kind of bedtime stories would Castiel tell at night? Would he weave tales of Creation and evolution? Would he give first hand accounts of the fall of man and the battle between good and evil? I didn't know, but I desperately wanted to find out.

Dean was still talking, going on and on about how important it was to always wrap it up before hooking up (his words, not mine), when Castiel drew himself to his full height and glowered at the hunter. Dean trailed off as the room fell silent, and while he and Sam were staring wide-eyed at Castiel, Gabriel was still watching me curiously, like he was trying to crack the code to a bank vault or something. I purposely avoided looking at him as much as possible, but I could still feel his eyes on me. To say I was uncomfortable would be an understatement. 

"I'm only going to say this once," Castiel growled. "What's done is done, and I intend on giving this child--our child--my full attention. The circumstances aren't perfect, but I wouldn't change them if I could. This child is a gift from my Father, so you can either support us or don't, but know that I will not have anything threaten it." Castiel's words hung heavy in the air between them as the two stared each other down. It was a promise of accountability, of protection and retribution should anything happen.

Dean pressed his lips into a thin line and huffed through his nose. "So what now?" he snapped. "Are you going to just get a house, a dog, the whole white picket fence thing, huh? We've got an endless line of demons, angels, and God knows what else just itching for our blood." He pointed a finger at me while still challenging his friend. "How can you possibly hope to protect them with all that crap knocking at your door?"

Gabriel pushed away from the wall and walked over to stand in front of us. "I'll keep an eye on them, Cas. Nothing will get by me." He turned and winked at me. "Consider me your very own guardian archangel."

Castiel squinted at Gabriel and raised his chin a bit. "Why? What do have you gain from this?"

"Yeah," Sam said. "It's not like you're exactly known for sticking around. How do we know you'll watch out for them?"

Gabriel's eyes softened as he looked at me, some unknown emotion swirling in their depths. "Kids are something special," he explained vaguely. "I'll keep yours safe."

"I believe you," I replied quietly, and I did. I don't know why, but I trusted him completely. I just knew he'd take care of us.

"So what's the plan, Cas?" Dean asked. He had his arms crossed over his chest, fists tucked under each bicep. 

Castiel eyed Dean warily. "What do you mean?"

Dean sighed and sat forward, propping his elbows on his knees. "Look, I get that you guys aren't budging on this, so we've got to make a plan for what's next." He inclines his head in my direction and continued. "Mel's got a rough nine months ahead of her, we've still got to figure out how to get Jack and Mom back, and Lucifer is still gunning for our asses. Things just got a lot harder."

Sam pursed his lips and looked between myself and the angel I was still clutching. "It's not safe out here. We need to get you back to the bunker until we have something more permanent figured to keep you safe when you go out. I mean, you're gonna have doctor's appointments and ultrasounds and all kinds of things keeping you busy." His eyes grew steadily wider as he talked, and eventually Sam had to sit down as his eyes flitted back and forth over the empty space in front of him while he thought. "We're going to need Mom back as soon as possible."

Dean slapped his brother on the shoulder and gave a teasing little half grin. "Can you believe this guy beat us to giving Mom a grandkid? I think he's gonna be her new favorite."

Sam smiled back before his eyes landed on us. "No doubt about that, but being the best was nice while it lasted," he sighed before getting smacked on the shoulder again. That only made him shake his head and huff a laugh while glancing down.

The atmosphere of the room had made a comfortable change to the lighthearted air that these men didn't get to enjoy often enough, and it was nice. Dean got up to pull Castiel in for a tight hug complete with a couple of pats on the back for good measure, and I even caught a few congratulatory words pass between them before he pulled away. Dean's green eyes lingered on the angel for a few more seconds, and then he was wrapping his arms around me while Sam took his turn with Castiel. 

The hug wasn't at all what I expected. Dean and I didn't exactly get along, so I thought it was mainly for show, a way to let me know that he'd begrudgingly back us up if we needed it, but then he cradled my head to his chest with his right hand and planted a chaste kiss there while his left arm tightened around me. It was impossible not to melt into the warmth of his embrace and enjoy just for a moment the fleeting peace between us. 

"Be patient with him, kid," Dean muttered. "Cas doesn't have much experience with this sorta thing, and you've only been together a few weeks. Just don't give up when things get tough." The older Winchester then sighed and stepped back so that Sam could scoop me up in his arms, but I turned my head to catch Dean's eye and nodded slightly, promising I would and sealing the silent pact between us.

We ordered takeout, and the guys quickly went over the case (vendetta) they'd helped Gabriel with while we waited for it to arrive. It sounded like the archangel was hardly at full power, but something in my gut told me he'd still be able to take care of me and the child I now carried. True to his word, Gabriel was never more than a few yards away from me, and at first it was a little uncomfortable under the weight of his near constant stare, but soon things became more comfortable, and I found myself on the couch between him and Castiel. My head was resting on Castiel's lap while he stroked my hair, and my legs were curled up at first, but they eventually stretched out so that Gabriel could rest a hand in my ankle--though I'm still not sure how that happened. Eventually my eyes drifted closed, and I was lulled to sleep by the deep rumbling of Castiel's voice.


	15. Chapter 15

The next few weeks passed quickly. 

The night we found out about the baby, Castiel must have whisked me back to the bunker after I'd fallen asleep because I woke up the next morning cocooned in his warm arms and sheets that smelled of him. He'd replaced the dresser and television, but the wall still bore a large crack from where Castiel was thrown against it. 

I'd started pouring over books about pregnancy and researching potential doctors in the area while Castiel filled me in on what he'd learned during his time caring for Kelly Kline. We'd narrowed the list of doctors down to one, and I scheduled my first appointment, grinning like an idiot when Castiel wrote it in the calendar in big, red letters. 

I was basically at the bunker full-time, not that I minded. I enjoyed going through the books in the library, and I wanted to help the Winchesters somehow, show them how much they're ongoing kindness meant to me, and generally just take care of them. Sam took to the homemade meals and extra help researching like a fish to water, but Dean seemed hesitant at first. I know Castiel had mentioned their father didn't do much in the way of parenting, but damn. Someone needed to show Dean that he deserved to be looked after just as much as he did everyone else. Eventually--after a bit of grumbling--Dean allowed me to clean up after him, and it warmed my heart whenever he'd let me do just a little bit more for him. 

Things were quiet as far as Lucifer went. Because Gabriel was a still healing, it was decided we'd track the devil down and use his grace to open a rift long enough to save Mary and Jack. Castiel insisted in going with the Winchesters when that time came, but something in my gut was telling me to make him stay. It was a constant debate between us because neither would budge. Sam and Dean needed his assistance, but I needed him alive and well. We'd hit a stalemate, and it wouldn't be settled until we actually found Lucifer. 

I had more nightmares, or visions, I guess. The setting was ever-changing, sometimes a beach, others in the woods, but it always ended the same. Castiel would die, and Lucifer would drag me away while I screamed. I woke up covered in sweat nearly every night now, and Castiel would always be there soothing me right as Gabriel appeared at the bedside, but still I worried. 

So, I cooked, I cleaned, and I aided in research whenever possible to keep myself busy, but each afternoon Castiel, Gabe, and I would go on a walk through the surrounding woods. The two angels kept up a constant banter back and forth about how different plants and animals were created a certain way, what this part of the world was like a few millennia ago, etc. They always made sure to include me, but I actually wouldn't have minded just listening to them. Gabriel was more energetic than Castiel with his seemingly endless stream of jokes and funny stories, but Castiel kept me enthralled when he recounted his time tracking different species. His blue eyes lit up with enthusiasm as his hands gestured wildly (especially when he got to talking about bees), and I found I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. 

We always ended up at the foot of a small waterfall, just far enough away that the shallow water only lapped gently at the shore by our feet. Gabriel would usually make himself scarce during this time, but I knew he was only a call away if I needed anything. Still, he seemed to sense that it was a place for Castiel and myself, somewhere we could be alone and just exist for a short while. It was like the world went quiet, and we could pretend that we didn't have a thousand things going on.  
_____________

"Melanie."

Not today, pal.

"Melanie, wake up," the voice crooned softly. I groaned and snuggled closer to the bare chest of the angel beside me and had just gotten comfortable again when he started pressing light kisses onto my shoulder. 

"Go away," I mumbled, earning a chuckle from deep in the chest I was curled against. 

Castiel let his fingertips wander up and down my spine several times before dipping beneath the sheet and skirting across my rear. "You need to get up," he said. "As much as I enjoy watching you sleep, we have just a few things to do today."

"No."

I felt his lips right next to my right ear and tried to move away, but the angel was relentless. "Melanie Wilson," Castiel rumbled, his tone all at once commanding and sultry, "get yourself out of bed or I won't be showering with you this morning. You do remember how much you enjoy that, don't you?"

Damn him.

I raised my head and scowled at him, blinking a couple of times in order to focus on his face. "I really hate you sometimes, you know that?"

Castiel grinned, his blue eyes dancing in the dim glow from the lamp behind him, and moved in to whisper against my lips. "No you don't."

I groaned and closed the distance, molding my lips to his while cupping his face gently. After a few long moments I broke away and rested my forehead against his with a sigh. "When you're right, you're right, but do we have to get up right this minute?"

"Unless you want to be interrupted while in the bathroom, yes."

My eyes popped open at that. No way was I giving up my morning sexy time all because Dean Winchester had to pee. "I'm up," I quipped while rolling over and throwing my legs over the edge of the bed. The sudden change left me a bit woozy, but I was clear enough to manage grabbing a couple of towels and underwear by the time Castiel sauntered up behind me.

"You ready?" he asked, planting another kiss on the juncture between my neck and shoulder. 

I closed my eyes and relaxed back against his (gloriously) still naked body with a grin. "As I'll ever be."

Warmth tingled up my spine as we flew to the bathroom down the hall, and my eyes opened just as Castiel turned the lock on the door. He gave me a mischievous grin before zipping over to one of the showers and turning on the water, directing the spray down onto his hand and adjusting the temperature while I put our things on the counter.

Showering was no longer a necessity for Castiel now that he had gotten his grace back, but--like so many other things--it was something we enjoyed doing together. It amazed me how in sync we always were--everything from our movements around a room to our thought processes seemed to be choreographed to match up with each other. It made the otherwise tiny stall roomy enough for us both to bathe and do other, friskier stuff, and that day was no exception. 

It started innocently enough. Castiel "casually" (read: he knew exactly what he was doing) offered to wash my back, and I gladly passed him the sudsy loofah before pulling my dark hair over one shoulder. I heard the telltale click of the body wash being opened as he added even more soap, and anticipation ran through me. He started at my shoulders, gently massaging away the tension there, then moved lower with each swipe, eventually reaching down below the swell of my ass to my thighs.

Castiel dropped the loofah, and in a flash a single hand pressed between my shoulder blades, holding me against the cool tile. I gasped at the sudden change, but stayed silent as I wondered where exactly Castiel was leading me. I felt his warm body crowd up behind me, but he was still maintaining a couple of inches between us, the only point of contact being that same hand on my back. His breath blew across the back of my neck in regular bursts, and my eyes fell closed as he leaned in and skimmed his nose up from my shoulder to just below my left ear.

"Be very still," Castiel murmured quietly. "Don't make a sound, understand?" I turned my head so that I could meet his eyes and nodded once, letting him know I was okay, that I trusted him. The corners of his mouth turned up, and he pressed a quick kiss to my lips. "Good girl."

The hand that had been keeping me in place trailed down to my hip and kneaded the flesh there before wrapping around my middle and pulling me flush against him while his other hand snaked around to cup my breast and gently roll the nipple between his fingertips. Castiel was still maintaining eye contact, but it was all I could do to keep it up. I wanted to melt back against him, grind against his already hard dick, and draw those sinful groans from him, but I didn't. I just bit my lower lip and pressed my thighs together, waiting for his next move.

Castiel's eyes dropped to my lips before flicking back up to my eyes as he lowered his mouth to my shoulder. He kissed and licked and sucked the tender flesh there slowly, drawing out every move he made until I felt like I was going to explode.

"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" he asked while the hand at my waist moved to lay right over the apex of my thighs. Castiel used his knee to part my legs and kept it there, ensuring I couldn't close them again. "I wanted you from the moment I walked into that diner, Melanie." His fingers skated over my folds teasingly. "When you turned around, even in your work uniform and hands full of food, I was floored. I didn't have a choice but to sit down beside Dean." Castiel smiled against my skin before continuing. "I would have fallen over otherwise. 

"Your hair was pulled back, but that one unruly curl kept getting in your eyes, and I desperately wanted to tuck it behind your ear." Castiel's fingers brushed over my wetness and began circling my clit as he spoke, and I fought to stay upright. "Beautiful," he murmured. "It's the only thing I could think of, and then you looked at me with those eyes, and I couldn't figure out why you were reacting in fear. I needed to hold you, to protect you, and to make sure you never felt any pain. I see now that I loved you even then."

Castiel punctuated his sentence with his finger as it thrust inside, and I cried out as pleasure rocked through me. "Shh," he said, still pumping his hand. "You've got to be quiet. You don't want someone to hear us, do you?"

"Cas-Castiel, please," I begged. His voice was going to be my undoing. The guy could read a friggin phonebook, and it'd sound sexy, but saying all those things while his hands worked me over was too much. I wouldn't last long.

Castiel spun me around and came within a hair's breadth of my lips. "What do you want, Melanie?" 

I swallowed hard and stared up at him. The shower was still on, and the angel's usually wild hair was slicked down and sticking to his forehead. Water ran down and trickled off the tip of his nose, but it didn't phase him a bit. He was everywhere, his knee between mine and one arm holding me tight to his body while the other was braced against the wall beside my head. I reached up and pushed his hair back, relishing the way Castiel looked as he closed his eyes and tilted his head back, and damn if it wasn't a sight that almost stopped my heart.

"You," I punched out. "I want you."

Something like a growl ripped out of the angel's chest as his mouth descended on mine, and boy did it call to my base instincts. Castiel gripped my thighs and effortlessly lifted me up so that I could wrap them around his waist while he lined himself up at my entrance and thrust inside all the while deepening the kiss and swallowing my cries of pleasure. He stroked in and out slowly a few times before picking up and setting a brutal pace that had us both falling apart in minutes. 

"I don't think this will ever get old," I mumbled sometime later. He was still holding me against the wall, and my cheek was resting on Castiel's shoulder as we caught our breath. He tilted his head onto mine and released a contented sigh.

"I really hope not."

"Is it like this for everyone?" I asked, referring to other soulmates. Maybe it was just another one of the perks of being joined to someone else.

Castiel hummed and let me slide back to the floor before cutting off the water and grabbing a towel from the rack outside the curtain. "I don't know," he answered truthfully while wrapping me in the thick cotton. "Perhaps it's one of those things that must be experienced for yourself. Besides, there have been so few soulmates in history, and we happen to be the first angel/human pairing, so I would say no. How can we compare ourselves to others if we aren't the same to begin with?"

I stopped towel drying my hair and met his eyes. "Huh. You've got a point." I ran the towel over my already curling hair again before hanging it up to dry. "How long until the rest of this place gets up?"

Castiel tilted his head like he was listening and took my hand. "Not much longer. Are you hungry? We could start breakfast."

I grinned and raised an eyebrow while wrapping my arms around his waist. "Starving."

The angel snorted and barely concealed a grin of his own. "Insatiable," he murmured before ducking his head to kiss me. "Clothing first," he said, "then food."

"Deal."


	16. Chapter 16

"Anything in particular you'd like for breakfast?" Castiel asked while carefully scooping coffee grounds into the filter. 

I turned from the pantry with several packages in my arms. "Pancakes," I grinned. "We're making pancakes."

Castiel smirked, one brow raising just a bit as he appraised me, and started the coffee before making his way over to me and taking on some of the load. "Sam and Dean usually use a mix from a box. It seems less complicated..."

"Yeah, well that was before I came along, now wasn't it? When have you ever known me to make anything easy?" The angel pressed his lips into a line and narrowed his eyes at me. I took the opportunity to plant a kiss on his cheek and brush by while speaking again. "You'll be thanking me later, Castiel."

"You're going to be teaching me, aren't you?" he sighed.

I unloaded the ingredients on the counter and winked at him over my shoulder. "You betcha, cowboy. Now get over here."

It really wasn't as bad as the angel made it out to be, and once I explained that he could do this for our son or daughter one day, he took on the task with a bit more gusto. Dean stumbled towards the coffee pot when we were about halfway through the batch, and though I offered to do it, he insisted on frying some bacon himself. 

"Put your feet up, kid," Dean told me with a hand on my shoulder. "I got this."

"But--"

Dean raised his brow in a "are you really gonna push it this early in the morning" way and snatched the spatula from me before I could say anything else.

I pursed my lips and huffed a small breath through my nose. I want to help, my mind screamed. 

Useless. 

I gritted my teeth against the disdainful voice. It hadn't spoken up often since Castiel first got his wings back, but there were certain occasions during which it chose to rear its ugly head. I still hadn't said anything to Castiel about it--I was half-heartedly hoping it would fade with time so I wouldn't have to worry him, but alas, that wasn't the case.

"Here," the angel murmured, pushing a mug of coffee into my hand. I blew gently on the steaming liquid and took a tentative sip. Oh yeah, that's exactly what I was missing. Castiel narrowed his eyes at me and cupped my face with his left hand. "Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine. A little tired maybe, but I'm okay," I said, not meeting his eyes. Instead, I smoothed down the front of his trench coat, letting my fingers linger on the thick fabric a little longer than was strictly necessary. Castiel insisted on being fully dressed during the day, suit, tie, and all, which was totally fine with me, but I admit I kind of missed seeing a cotton t-shirt stretch over his shoulders whenever he bent over. Still, he agreed to sleeping nude--which usually wasn't a problem considering we made love almost daily--and showering with me, so it wasn't a total loss.

Castiel hummed noncommittally as his thumb stroked over my cheekbone. "You can always take a nap before your appointment. I'll make sure to wake you with plenty of time to spare."

"It's not until this afternoon, but I need to fix you guys some lunch later, and I was planning on doing some deep cleaning in the empty rooms this morning. I was going to start them yesterday, but then Sam was struggling with some research, and I fell down a rabbit hole during that whole thing, and--"

"Melanie."

My eyes snapped back up to the angel's face. He was shaking his head slowly, his dark brows pinched together, and sighed. "You don't have to do all of this for us." Castiel smirked. "Believe it or not, we are able to care for ourselves on occasion."

I dropped my gaze and fiddled with the mug in my hands. "But I need to do something," I mumbled. "I can't contribute any other way, and I actually like taking care of you." I shrugged, keeping my eyes glued to the porcelain cup. "It makes me feel like I'm good for something."

Castiel ducked his head so that he could capture my gaze. "You are good, Melanie. You make me happy just by breathing. Having you here with me is just a bonus." 

"I love you, ya know," I whispered around the lump in my throat. 

Castiel took my cup and placed it on the counter beside us before pulling me into a hug and kissing the top of my head. "I know."  
_____________

I was rubbing tight circles into the center of my right palm with my left thumb as greenery flashed by my window, the trees and grass blurring together as we sped by. We were on our way to our first prenatal appointment, and to say I was a bit worked up would be an understatement. I pursed my lips and blew a slow breath out with my eyes closed hoping it would help, but no dice. 

When I opened them again, Castiel was casting furtive glances in my direction. He reached across the front seat and pried my left hand away before stroking the back of it. "Everything is going to be fine," he told me.

"I really hope so..."

Castiel steered us into the lot and shed his trench coat before rounding the car and opening my door to help me out. I'd repeatedly insisted it wasn't a big deal, I'm a grown woman after all, but the angel put his foot down in the form of that soft, wide-eyed look of innocence while explaining it was an act of respect, and that he wanted to care for me. Needless to say, I melted and acquiesced. Those eyes were dangerous weapons, and I their willing victim. 

Anyway, Castiel guided me to the office with a hand placed lightly on the small of my back, and I tried not to state when he stepped ahead to hold the door for me, but there was something about the way that suit hugged his body that was incredibly distracting. He met my eyes briefly as I passed, a knowing smile on his face. Jerk. He knew exactly what he was doing to me.

A woman in her mid-thirties smiled at me from behind the desk. "Hi! Can I help you?"

"My name is Melanie Wilson. I'm here to see Dr. Batton," I told her. "It's my first prenatal appointment."

"Oh, well congratulations!" She rummaged around the desk a bit before coming up with a clipboard and several sheets of paper. "Just fill this out and return it to me, and they'll get you back as soon as they can, okay?"

"Thanks." I gave her a small smile and took the proffered clipboard and pen before taking a seat in one of the nearby chairs. Castiel settled in beside me, his attention split between watching the people around us and the forms in my lap.

"What's 'S-S-N' stand for?"

"That's my social security number. Everyone is issued a unique, nine digit number at birth by the government as a means of identification."

Castiel pulled a wallet from his coat and pulled out a laminated card. "Like this?"

I glanced at it, noting how it was addressed to his vessel, James Novak, and nodded. "That's the one."

Castiel hummed deep in his throat. "Jack doesn't have one of these. He was nearly full grown when he was born, and I don't think the Winchesters thought to give him identification. I should ask him about that--if we find him."

I lowered the clipboard onto my lap and raised a hand to play with the hair around his ear and collar. "We will, and I can't wait to meet him," I offered softly. "From what you told me, he sounds really sweet."

Castiel swallowed hard and blinked while placing the card into his wallet, nodding once as he slipped it back into his jacket. "He is."

Just then, a door beside the receptionist opened, and a woman in bright, pink scrubs stepped out. "Ms. Wilson?" she called, eyes scanning the waiting area.

"Oh, that's us!" I stood quickly, nearly dropping the paperwork as I did. Castiel followed me over, and I held up the board for the nurse to see. "Um, I didn't finish," I admitted sheepishly. 

"That's okay. You can work on it back here while you wait for Dr. Batton," she told me while backing up to the door to hold it open. 

The nurse--Kathy, she told us--waved us through and took my height and weight before leading us to an exam room and shutting the door behind us. She then got my vitals and a brief medical history on me before pulling a specimen cup from a cabinet. 

"I just need you to give us a quick sample so we can confirm the pregnancy, and then Dr. Batton will be in, okay?" I nodded, and Kathy smiled warmly. "You can use the bathroom down the hall. When you're done, place the cup in the window, and you'll be good to go."

"Thanks." I looked back at Castiel as I followed her out, and he gave me an awkward thumbs up, but it made me smile.   
_____________

There was a knock at the door, and a woman in a white coat stuck her head in. "Melanie?" I nodded, gripping Castiel's hand even tighter. "Hi, I'm Dr. Batton." She stuck her hand out, and Castiel and I took turns shaking it before she sat down, brushing a strand of greying blonde hair from her eyes. "Well," she said with a smile, "I can definitely say that you are in fact pregnant. Congratulations, you two."

Castiel thanked her and slipped an arm around my shoulders before kissing the side of my head. I closed my eyes and took a steadying breath. The first part was over, now on to the next thing.

"So what now?" I asked. "I've started taking prenatal vitamins, but is there anything else I should do?"

"You want to make sure and up your water intake. Try and aim for a gallon a day if you can. Moderate exercise is also important, but nothing too strenuous, and make sure to get plenty of rest." Dr. Batton leaned forward on her stool with a conspiratorial grin. "You won't be getting a whole lot of that after this little one gets here."

Castiel's brow furrowed a bit. "I can take care of our child at night. There's no reason for Melanie to wake up if I'm available."

"That's sweet, Castiel, but what about feeding it?" I asked.

"Actually," Dr. Batton explained, "if you plan on breastfeeding, you can pump extra during the day and store it in the fridge for later. I'd take him up on his offer. You'll be exhausted, especially at first, and very few dads want to get up at night."

"I don't sleep," Castiel said, and I elbowed him in the side. "Much," he added.

Dr. Batton's eyebrows lowered back to a more relaxed position, and she cleared her throat. "Are you experiencing any problems, Melanie?"

I could feel the buzzing in my mind from whatever was causing that negative voice, but I shook my head, keeping my expression neutral. "A little tired maybe, but I'm fine." I felt Castiel's eyes on my face, but I continued staring straight ahead.

"That's totally normal," the doctor assured me. "Try taking a nap after lunch and see if that helps."

Castiel nudged me and smirked, and I rolled my eyes in response. Yeah, okay, dude. You were right. Blah, blah, blah.

"Do you have any questions?" We both shook our heads, and Dr. Batton folded her hands in her lap. "Alright then. We're going to do a quick ultrasound just to check things out and make sure the baby looks good, then you can stop by the lab on your way out to have some blood drawn, and you'll be done. How's that sound?"

It felt like my heart was stuck in my throat. "You mean we get to see it today?"

Dr. Batton stood, nodding. "Just follow me. Radiology is right down the hall."

She led us further down the hall and into a dimly lit room with what looked something like a large dentist's chair in the middle. A stool and computer flanked it on one side, and a low bench was on the other near the wall. The room wasn't like everything else in the office. It was painted a dark red color and had faux-wood flooring that gave it a warm, cozy feeling. 

A tiny caramel-skinned woman in purple scrubs met Dr. Batton at the door and introduced herself to us as Erica and said she'd be perfoming the ultrasound. She and the doctor exchanged a few words, and then Dr. Batton left, closing the door behind her.

"Have a seat, Melanie," Erica instructed, pointing to the chair. Her eyes then fell on the angel beside me. "And I don't believe I caught your name, sir."

"Castiel." He shook her hand quickly before taking my left hand in his and standing beside the chair.

"Castiel," Erica echoed. "You must come from a religious family."

I barely concealed my snort, and Castiel tightened his grip slightly while the corners of his mouth curved up. "You could say that," he answered wryly. 

We watched as Erica hopped up onto the stool and fiddled with the computer for a few minutes. Finally, she grabbed a bottle of blue gel and a small towel before turning to me. "Can you lift your shirt for me and undo your jeans?" I did, and she carefully tucked the towel into the top of my pants. She then grabbed a probe and applied some of the gel to it. "Are you ready?" she asked.

Ignoring the twist in my gut, I nodded and whispered. "I think so."

"Alright, sugar, just be really still for me, okay?" Erica placed the probe on my lower abdomen and slowly moved it around for a bit before stopping in one area and clicking on the screen in several different places. 

My heart was pounding, and I found I couldn't peel my eyes away from the young woman's face. I was trying to find some sign--any sign--that would tell me how my kid was doing, but she remained perfectly impassive as she typed in a few numbers here and there between clicks. Castiel switched to hold my hand with his left and rested his right arm on the back of the chair so he could lightly stroke my hair.

After what seemed like an eternity, Erica pointed to a little bean shaped blob on the screen. "And that," she said, "is Baby Wilson."

Oh.

Oh wow.

There aren't really any words that accurately describe the feeling of actually seeing your baby for the first time. Spectacular. Incredible. Awestruck. Mesmerizing. Nah, they don't do it justice. 

My breath hitched as I zeroed in on that tiny bean that I now noticed had little bitty nubs for arms and legs. It was darker around the edges with a bright, white speck just below its fluttering heart. That's where Castiel came into play, I was sure of it. I didn't even realize I was crying until Castiel stood and wiped my cheek with his thumb. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, hugging me as much as possible without messing up the picture, and huffed a laugh while kissing my head.

"Novak," I murmured when I was finally able to speak.

"Hmm?" Erica asked while clicking away again. 

"Baby Novak. I-I want it to have Castiel's last name." I turned to face the angel only to find him already staring back at me with damp eyes. He opened his mouth as if to speak but promptly shut it when nothing came out. His eyes flicked over to the screen again, and he swallowed before pulling my face to his in a bruising kiss.

"Thank you," Castiel breathed when he broke away, electric blue eyes searching mine. "Melanie, I...thank you."

It didn't matter that we both knew that was really Jimmy's last name. Legally, Castiel didn't exist, but it was the message behind the gesture that meant so much. This child belonged to myself and Castiel, and I wanted him to know we were in it together, regardless of what happened later on.

"That's our baby," I grinned.

"Yes," Castiel smiled. "Yes it is."


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter, but I swear this is all going somewhere, guys. Just hang with me, okay?

Life at the bunker continued in much the same way it had before that first appointment, but with a few significant changes.

Everyone searched endlessly for Lucifer while Gabriel slowly regained his strength, and the Winchesters took on hunts in between. Sam dug deeper into the lore about portals and other dimensions and even tried reaching out to Rowena for help, but while she agreed to put out a few lines, she seemed ready to be done with it all, and I doubted we would hear from her anytime soon. 

Dean got grumpier with each dead end they encountered. He started drinking more and snapping at people when he wasn't out in the garage working on Baby and the other vehicles. Sam couldn't get him to eat, but more than once I had wandered into the garage late at night and just so happened to have some snacks with me that I insisted he finished (okay, I may have threatened to neuter him if he didn't eat, but whatever, it worked). Dean didn't say much, but he showed me a few things on the motorcycles and slowly regained a little warmth around me--though I'm pretty sure that had more to do with the baby I was carrying and less with my sparkling personality. 

Castiel had begun to seek out other angels, his worry over Heaven's waning power increasing everyday. Gabriel offered to assist with the search, but Castiel insisted it was better for now if everyone still thought the archangel to be dead. Castiel was always popping in and out of the bunker whenever he thought he found one of his siblings, but they all refused to return upstairs, and it weighed on him. Angels don't sleep, but Castiel was emotionally exhausted and oftentimes fell into whatever chair was closest when he landed. I tried my best to comfort him, to offer reassurances, but I was afraid it wasn't enough--what did I know about Heaven's affairs?--and that scared me. What would happen if it all got to be too much for Castiel? Where exactly was his breaking point? 

Everything that was going on led to more restless nights for me. I was constantly plagued by nightmares depicting death and destruction for my loved ones, and I had multiple visions indicating a final battle with Lucifer. The details kept shifting, as if someone was intentionally changing their course so that nothing would be set in stone, and I had a sneaking suspicion that Lucifer was the culprit. He knew what I was, and he knew that I'd tell the Winchesters everything I had seen in order to give them the upper hand. 

I'd yet to sleep an entire night without waking up in terror, and Castiel worried about the amount of stress being bad for the baby. He was making an effort to be nearby more often despite his search for angels becoming increasingly difficult, and he'd somehow managed to get the others to gang up on me as well when it came to taking care of myself. Sam kept recommending books to read for pleasure instead of research, I caught Dean doing extra chores so I wouldn't have to, and even Gabriel snapped his fingers to make a meal for us at least once a day and then took care of the mess with a wave of his hand. 

I appreciated the effort, but it was difficult not to stress with everything that was going on. All I kept hearing was, "Don't worry about us. Focus on the baby," and, "Everything else will work out eventually. It has to, right?"

Yeah, okay. Because that's how things go for these guys.

Right.  
_____________

Oh, and then there's the morning sickness that comes with the first trimester of pregnancy. (Spoiler alert! It's all day, not just in the AM.)

Yay.  
_____________

I was running down one of the bunker's hallways when the whole building shook on its foundation, throwing me to the ground and making me eat the concrete floor.

Dreaming, my mind supplied. It's not real.

Yeah, well it sure as hell felt real.

I groaned and pushed myself up, hurtling forward once more as an all too familiar voice started singing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" in between fits of manic laughter. A shiver rolled down my spine, but I pushed on. I had to get to him. I had to find Castiel.

I followed the voice, rounding the corner up ahead and skidding to a stop at the edge of the library. Lucifer had Castiel pinned to one of the stone walls, his hand wrapped around Castiel's neck as he finished the rhyme. 

"Stop!" I screamed. The sound drew Castiel's blue eyes to mine as he struggled, and he started jerking harder to try and break the devil's hold, but it was useless. 

Lucifer grinned at me from over his shoulder. "Do you know why I chose that song?" I took a half step forward but found myself unable to speak. "It reminds me of Castiel, here," the devil continued. "No matter how many times he gets washed down the pipe, he always seems to come back to annoy me some more."

"Please," I choked out. "Don't hurt him."

But it was too late.

Lucifer sneered and slapped his other hand to Castiel's forehead, and a bright, white light blasted out of him, filling the room as he burnt out and leaving only the charred outline of his large wings imprinted on the wall. Only after Castiel's body slumped to the floor did I realize the piercing wail filling my ears was my own.  
_____________

"Wake up!"

I came to amid broken sobs and Castiel's hands gripping either side of my face as he searched my tear-filled eyes.

"The hell was that?!" I heard someone else say.

"It was another nightmare," Castiel informed them. "The worst yet." He went to turn away from me, but I clung to his neck and wrists, anything I could catch really, and refused to let go. "Shh, you're okay now, Melanie."

"Don't go, Castiel. Please, please, please don't leave me." I was a blubbering mess at that point, and thankfully the angel pulled me into his chest and began rocking me back and forth on the bed.

"It wasn't real. I'm here." Castiel rested his cheek on my head before speaking again. "Dean, Gabriel, thank you both for coming to check on her, but I believe I can handle it from here." Oh, so it wasn't just Gabe this time. Apparently I'd woken Dean, too.

"Are you sure?" Gabriel started. "The kid looks pretty--"

"Call if you need anything, man," Dean said, cutting off the archangel. "You know where I'll be." There was a muffled protest followed by the sound of the door clicking into place.

"You're shaking," Castiel stated after a while with just a trace of surprise. 

"I'm sorry," I mumbled into his neck. "I ju-just can't help it." My breathing was still hitching sporadically, but the tears seemed to have finally stopped. 

"It's okay. You don't have to be sorry for that...do you want to discuss your dream?"

I clung tighter to the angel as the image of him slumped against the wall flashed through my mind and shuddered. "Not now," I managed. "I can't."

Castiel hummed deep in his throat and ran his hand up and down my back. "I should have sensed your distress sooner. One moment you were sleeping soundly, and the next you were screaming."

"It's not your fault. It didn't last all that long, it's just that it was..." I closed my eyes and shook my head once. "It was terrifying."

Castiel pulled away enough--despite my protests--that he could look down at my face and frowned. "Another vision?" I swallowed and nodded, watching as the angel's face pinched with worry. "Was it--"

"I can't," I said quickly. "Please."

"I'm sorry." He dropped his eyes, and I could see the tension in his jaw. There was something else that he wasn't saying. 

"What is it?"

"I just want to understand what's going on with you," Castiel admitted. "I'm worried because your mental state has been getting worse as the pregnancy progresses."

Uh-oh.

"One minute you're fine, your thoughts are in order and concentrated on the task at hand--"

Oh no.

"--and the next you shut down, and your eyebrows pull together, and you tell me you're fine, but," Castiel shook his head, "you're not."

Shit.

I stared at him in silence for a moment before my shoulders dropped. He knew. He knew all along that I wasn't okay, and I should have known he'd see through it, but I had somehow convinced myself that if I brushed off the fact that I kept hearing a deprecating voice in my mind that maybe it wasn't really that bad. But of course Castiel knew how bad it was. He knew me better than I knew myself sometimes. 

"I understand the visions, Melanie," Castiel said softly, "and from what you told me of your time with Lucifer, I understand the nightmares, but why are you lying to me?"

"I didn't want you to worry," I managed. "You have enough on your plate without me adding to it."

His blue eyes softened, and he did that little head tilt thing that made my heart melt a little more. "How long?"

This time it was me who looked away. "I've been hearing this voice in my head ever since you got your grace back. It's not mine, and it's always negative. I just, I don't know what it is. I figured it'd just go away eventually." 

Out of the corner of my eye I saw him nod as if he expected that answer. Then he was pulling my chin up, and my heart broke as he smiled at me. "I'll always worry about you. I can't help myself."

"But you shouldn't have to," I rebutted. 

"I don't think that matters." The angel's face grew serious once more. "It seems that worrying about someone goes hand in hand with loving them. I accepted that a long time ago with Sam and Dean, and again when I met you."

"I don't deserve you," I whispered, closing my eyes.

Castiel pressed a kiss to first one cheek, then the other, my forehead, and finally my lips before murmuring against them. "You're wrong." He rested his hand on my growing baby bump, heat radiating out from his palm. "This is more than I ever hoped for."

We got lost in another kiss that seemed to go on forever. It wasn't heated, a promise of more to come. It was slow and steady and grounding in a way I didn't realize I needed until that moment, but then my hand slipped down Castiel's neck, and my mind flashed back to Lucifer's hand squeezing and Castiel fighting to suck in a breath, and I pushed away with a gasp. Regardless of how difficult it was, I had to tell him. There was something different about this vision, something final, and I knew the images would stick with me no matter what, but maybe sharing them with Castiel would make him understand. 

I leaned back in, my eyes still closed to protect myself from whatever emotions were flitting across the angel's face, and spoke with my forehead on his bare shoulder. "You're going to die."

"You've said that before."

"But this time...Castiel, it was real. I felt it. Lucifer was here in the bunker, and he killed you right in front of me, and--" I drew in a shaky breath. "He knows about the baby."

My words rang out in the otherwise silent room, and Castiel's body went rigid around me. "How?" he growled. I could tell he didn't want to scare me and was reigning it in, but--I kid you not--I almost shit myself. 

"I don't know. He just does. Maybe when he saw me, but I don't know. I saw it in his eyes. He knows."

Just then, Dean poked his head in the door, his unshaven face grave. Castiel furrowed his brows as he appraised the hunter and asked, "Dean, what's wrong?"

"We have a lead on Lucifer."


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are drawing to a close, but I have kind of a wild idea for the next story. Things are going to move fast, but hang with me. I've got a plan.

"No."

"I have to go, Melanie."

"How about you don't and say you did?"

Ever since Dean let us in on the plan he and Sam came up with, my angel and I had been in a heated debate at the map table--the others had quickly vacated the room when things got heated. They wanted to not only capture the devil, but being him here, to the bunker, where he would be drained in order to keep the rift open long enough that our merry band of heroes could go in and save Mary and Jack. I'd laugh, but it's really not funny. 

Castiel sighed and rubbed his forehead before turning those blue eyes on me. "You know I can't let them do this alone."

I crossed my arms and clenched my jaw, refusing to let myself get caught up in his charms. "Give me one good reason, Castiel. Make me understand how serving yourself up on a platter is a good idea. Tell me why you 'have to.'"

He narrowed his eyes at my use of air quotes. "Because they're my family, and I have to protect them."

"They've got an archangel going with them."

"Gabriel is--" Castiel huffed an exasperated sigh. "Gabriel hasn't fought with them like I have. Yes, he's more powerful, but--"

"But he can't take care of Sam and Dean like you can," I said flatly. Castiel shrugged and looked at me helplessly. He wasn't even going to try and deny it. 

"And it's Jack," Castiel continued quietly. "He's like a son to me, and I need to bring him home the same as I would if it were our child over there."

Oh that was a low blow, but if he wanted to play dirty I could do that, too.

"And what about your child?" I asked him. "Are you going to just leave me here with a witch you don't trust and the devil himself? It's not like I can storm Mordor with you."

Castiel's jaw tensed, but then his whole body relaxed, and he moved to stand right in front of me, a hand on either of my upper arms. "I've got an idea, but I need your support." His hands slid down to gently unfold my arms and cradled my hand against his chest. "I'm asking you to trust me, Melanie."

"I always trust you," I said quietly, looking up from where his heart thumped steadily under my palm, "but you're gonna get yourself killed."

Castiel kissed my forehead and gathered me in his arms. "I won't," he assured me.

I snorted and let myself relax against him. "So what's this idea of yours entail?"

"We'll perform the spell in the dungeon and keep Lucifer in chains so he can't escape. The warding will all be stepped up, and I'll have Gabriel posted outside the door in case things go wrong. There's no need for Lucifer to know you're here or that Gabriel is alive in the first place. That may be the only thing we have going for us." I heard the angel sigh, and he turned his head in the direction of the hallway everyone had disappeared down. "Sam, Dean, I'll go with you to bring your mother and Jack home."

Huh?

The Winchesters stepped out of the shadows and into my line of sight as Gabriel appeared in a chair at the table. I should have known they'd all be listening in on our conversation--privacy was basically nonexistent in the bunker. 

"You sure this is gonna work, Bucko?" Gabe asked.

Castiel squeezed me just a bit before he straightened and turned to his brother. "It's the best strategy for this situation."

The archangel narrowed his eyes slightly while sucking on a sucker. He pulled the candy from his mouth with a pop and pointed it at me. "And you're on board?"

"I don't really have a choice."

"You've always got a choice, Mel," Sam reminded me, and I gave him a small but grateful smile in return before glancing at the older Winchester. He didn't say anything, but I could see it in the hard lines of his face and the way his eyes hardened. There was a reluctant agreement in the air, and it wasn't all because of me. Dean knew what had to be done, and apparently he'd made his peace with that.

"I trust Castiel one hundred percent. If he says this is the best way, I believe him. I don't necessarily like the plan, but I'll back him up." 

"Well alright then," Dean announced with a clap of his hands. Let's map out the details."  
_____________

Several hours of planning and discussion around the map table later, I found myself being scooped up into a pair of strong arms and cradled against a warm chest. I tried to stay awake, but after a while, I guess I fell asleep in one of the armchairs. Between the restless nights and four months of pregnancy, I was pretty much a Walking Dead reject most of the time. 

The gentle way I was being handled combined with the smell of salt and rain clued me in on the identity of my knight, so I curled in on him a little more, relishing the feel of the slick trench coat under my cheek. The angel sighed, and there was a brief moment where I felt totally weightless before I heard the whoosh of Castiel's wings. I cracked open my eyes and peered up at him.

He met my eyes as the corners of his mouth turned up. "I thought you would be more comfortable in bed," he said while placing me on the mattress.

"You're not wrong," I mumbled, stretching briefly. Castiel's blue eyes fell to the exposed skin of my waist where my shirt rode up, and he inhaled deeply. "How long until we catch the devil?"

He dragged his gaze up my body and finally to my face. "The plan is to prepare and go first thing tomorrow morning."

"So we have tonight?" Castiel nodded. "Will you stay with me?"

He swallowed once before removing his coat and pulling his tie from his collar. The suit jacket went next, followed by the buttons on his shirt. I watched with rapt attention as his dexterous fingers undid each button slowly, exposing another bit of tan skin as he went. I pushed myself up to sit in front of him and met his gaze while the shirt fell to the floor.

Castiel's hands went to his belt next, but I covered them with my own, and after a tiny shake of my head, Castiel released the belt, his right hand going instead to my cheek. I maintained eye contact as I pulled his belt from the loops, but I couldn't help the pull I felt to watch his pants drop completely, leaving the angel clad in nothing more than those same white boxers.

With a snap of his fingers my clothes disappeared entirely save for my underwear, and Castiel bent down to kiss me slowly, his tongue languidly teasing my own. He crawled onto the bed, laying me down on the mattress while he hovered above me, and I arched up against him, needing to feel him, needing to align our bodies wherever possible. He slipped his left arm beneath my back and helped me move up the bed before kneeling in the space between my legs to slide his boxers down.

I took a moment to really soak in everything about that moment. I wanted to remember the angle of his hips, the way his hard on jutted out proudly, and the flat expanse of his abdomen. I reached up and traced his chest with my fingertips, letting them trail down to the warding on his ribcage and reveling in the way Castiel's breath hitched at the simple touch. He caught my hand and pulled it to his lips. Closing his eyes, the angel placed feather light kisses on the back of my knuckles. I almost lost it when he looked back up at me. Between the bright cerulean of his eyes framed by long lashes and the forever unruly locks of raven hair atop his head, I was a goner for sure. In that moment, as I lay there waiting for him, as I locked in the image of Castiel above me, I fell in love all over again.

Perhaps sensing my emotions, Castiel laced our fingers together and let our hands fall beside my head while he kissed my jaw and neck. He kept just enough pressure on my hands that I couldn't move, but it didn't hurt either, and the feeling was exquisite. Castiel hummed against my collarbone, nipping and sucking as he went before retracing the pattern with his tongue. He was usually careful not to leave a mark, but that night there was a hunger in the air--probably due to the knowledge that it could be our last time together--and I gasped when his teeth sank into my neck.

"Let me hear you," he rumbled in my ear. "Don't hold back, Melanie. Not tonight."

He ground against my still-clothed core as our lips met again, and our bodies hummed with the same electricity that crackled between us when we first met. Castiel began rutting against me while our skin heated up, and I broke away from the kiss with a broken moan. Suddenly the angel pushed off of me, flipping me onto my hands and knees and pulling my panties off in one swift movement. He blanketed my body with his own, kissing up my spine and caressing my waist, belly, and hips. He once again nudged my knees apart and shifted so that he could roll his hips into the space there. I twisted around to look at him over my shoulder.

"Please, Castiel," I begged. 

I'd barely gotten the words out before he plunged deep inside. 

The action rocked my whole body forward, and I had to brace myself on the headboard in order to stay upright. Castiel's fingers dug into my hips as he straightened and set a brutal pace, but it was exactly what I needed in that moment. The line between emotions and physical sensation blurred to a point that I couldn't tell where one ended and the other began.

I loved it.

I loved him.

And I never wanted the moment to end.

As with all things, however, this, too, was drawing to a close. Every stroke of his swelling cock made the coil in my lower abdomen twist a little tighter, and every gravelly moan that escaped his lips spurred me on until I was pushing back against him, meeting Castiel thrust for thrust. He leaned forward again, covering my hands and twisting our fingers together while his thrusts slowed. He drew them out, making us both feel every little touch, and I felt his forehead drop to the back of my neck as he worked. 

"Melanie."

It was choked out, a barely coherent plea on my skin, but I understood perfectly what he was trying to say and turned to look at him again. 

"It's okay," I whispered when Castiel met my gaze. "I love you."

The angel growled low in his throat and kissed me hard before his hips surged forward. He swallowed my answering whine and slipped his hand down to circle my clit, pushing me over the edge. Castiel gasped and stuttered as I clenched around him, and after a few more hurried thrusts, he tensed up, biting down on my lower lip as he came.

I fell to the bed on my left side, and Castiel rolled off, landing right behind me. He slipped his arms around me while he caught his breath, and I grinned when he started nibbling on my earlobe.

"Don't tell me you want to go again already," I laughed.

Castiel smiled against my neck and nuzzled the bite mark he'd left there. It was still sore, but I didn't mind the pain. It was a sweet reminder of what we'd shared. "I'll always be ready for you, but I'm also content to simply hold you while you rest of that's what you want."

I rolled to face him and placed my hand in his cheek. "I want you, Castiel," I reminded him, earning the hint of a smile in return. "I'll always want you."

Castiel kissed me slowly, stirring up the beginnings of desire in me once more, but then he backed away and kissed the inside of my wrist. "I love you, you know," he murmured. 

"Yeah," I said. "I know."

Castiel's shy smile spread into a gummy grin, and he moved to hover above me. If it was our last night together, we were going to spend it the only way we wanted to--loving each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost done! Thanks for reading, and let me know what you think so far! Comments make my day, but honestly I've made some pretty risky choices with this story, so I'm dying for feedback.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long chapter, but that's because there wasn't really a place to separate it--this thing had to be a whole. I hope you enjoy it, and let me know what you think at the end.

I slept soundly for the first time in months, but when I awoke, it was alone, and the panic set in. 

My heart was pounding as I pulled on some clothes (underwear, a bra, Castiel’s light blue t-shirt that I didn’t have the heart to let go of, and a pair of black leggings because I gave up on jeans when my belly started growing). I raced down the hall towards the library, cursing myself for not eating a cracker first when my stomach rolled, but mind over matter, right? I had to see Castiel again before he left. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t wake me earlier, but I knew we’d never forgive ourselves if we didn’t say good—

I rounded the corner only to slam into the solid expanse of Castiel’s chest—seriously, were all angels built like brick walls?—but luckily his arms kept me from falling. “Hey,” I breathed. “I thought you’d left.”

“I did for a while, but…” The angel swallowed, dropping his gaze, and I ducked down to capture it once more. 

“But?”

“We captured Lucifer.” Oh. “He’s bound in the dungeon, and Sam and Dean are assisting Rowena with the spell while Gabriel keeps watch.”

I furrowed my brows and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Why aren’t you with them?”

He lifted his chin, a defiant gleam in his eyes. “Because I had to see you again. I had to make sure you were okay before I left.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” I pointed out. “So who was it?”

The angel narrowed his eyes at me. “Who was who?”

“Someone obviously didn’t want you making a last minute trip up here. Who’d you have to tell off to do it?”

“Dean was…less than enthused at the prospect,” he admitted.

I snorted, earning a raised eyebrow in return. “I figured he’d have something to say,” I explained. “So this is it, huh?” There was no sense in beating around the bush. We both knew what was at stake.

Castiel nodded. “It is.” His tone grew serious, and the angel held me by the shoulders. “Melanie, I want you to pack a bag.”

“A bag?”

“Yes. There’s a good chance things could go wrong, and I want you to have a way out if they do. Gabriel has prepared an escape route for you.”

I took a step back as an uneasy feeling settled over me. “Why are you saying these things?”

“If—” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, steeling himself. “If I don’t make it, Gabriel will take care of you. You can trust him.”

Castiel took my hand again, and in a flash we were back in our room, and he was tossing a duffel onto the bed. I watched as he swiped the notepad—which I noticed had been filled with all kinds of spells and wards—and ultrasound picture we’d taped up before stuffing both in the bag. He turned back to the desk, his fingers lingering on the photo of himself and the Winchesters for a moment, but then it, too, was added to the bag. Castiel held up his angel blade and offered a half-hearted smile. “I’ll be back for this.”

I tried to smile back at him, but the pit in my stomach grew to an insurmountable size, and I hugged my middle while trying to fight back tears. “Okay,” I whispered.

Castiel dropped the blade on top of the bag and crossed the room in two long strides, sweeping me up into his arms as he did. His lips met mine in a desperate, needy sort of kiss. I tried to convey without words exactly how much he meant to me, exactly what I was feeling, and everything else we both knew but I should have been saying anyway. He broke away but kept our foreheads together, and I gripped his wrists tightly as his hands framed my face. 

“Please be careful,” I said. “Come back to me.”

“I’ll always come back to you, Melanie Wilson.”

I opened my eyes to see him staring intently back at me as if he were trying to memorize every line of my face before he left. His left hand fell to my belly, and he kissed me again. “I love you,” I told him.

“I love you, too. Both of you.”

Castiel wrapped me in a tight hug, and I clung to his trench coat until it disappeared from between my fingers. I opened my eyes to an empty room that still smelled of him, and I bit back a sob as I started pulling clothes from the dresser drawers.

I had an undetermined amount of time to wait for someone who may not return at all, and no amount of Netflix would be able to take my mind off of that fact.  
____________

I was three chapters into The Host—Sam had added a copy to the bunker’s library weeks ago when I went nosing around the small fiction section he’d set up—when a flutter of wings announced Gabriel’s arrival. My face fell when I looked up to see him standing at the edge of the bed, a couple of takeout boxes balanced in one hand and a cardboard tray with two Styrofoam cups in the other. I knew it was ridiculous to expect Castiel to be back so soon, but I couldn’t help it. The heart wants what it wants, and mine wanted a blue-eyed, trench coat-wearing angel.

Gabriel snorted and dropped the boxes on the mattress. “Don’t look so happy to see me, kiddo.”

“Sorry, Gabe,” I said, setting the book aside. “What’s up?”

“Not a whole lot. I just got tired of hearing Luci jabber on about how pitiful he is and figured you might be getting hungry.” He held up the drinks and wiggled his brows. “So whaddya say? You in? It’s quesadillas,” he sang.

I grinned at his antics and patted the spot beside me. “Thanks.” Gabriel handed me a box and settled the drinks between us before taking a seat, his own box open on his lap. “So…” I trailed off, both wanting and not wanting to have the discussion we both knew was coming.

“Food’s not gettin’ any warmer, ya know.”

I huffed and opened my box before grabbing the plastic wrapped fork and knife. I took a bite, staring blankly at the archangel as I did. “Happy?” I grumbled around the food. 

“Ecstatic,” he deadpanned. “I promised to look after you, and that’s what I’m doing. Now,” he paused to take a huge slurp of his soda, “what do you wanna know?”

“Did they make it over there okay?”

“As far as I know.”

“And Rowena is keeping the devil company while you’re here?”

“Uh-huh.”

“And he doesn’t know you’re alive?” 

Gabe winked at me. “Nope, and he’s not going to unless it’s absolutely necessary. I risked enough helping capture him. He’s still under the impression that I was just a hallucination,” he said, wiggling his fingers in the air.

We ate in silence for a few more minutes before I gathered enough courage to ask what had been on my mind ever since Castiel left. I eyed the duffel bag on the desk and took a deep breath. “Castiel said you had an escape planned in case things don’t work out.”

“I do.”

“So?” I asked. “What is it?”

Gabriel patted his jacket pockets and his jeans before finally pulling a black cord from out of his shirt. A glowing vial hung at the end of it, and I glanced back at his face briefly before my eyes were drawn back to the swirling light. “It’s my grace,” he explained. “Not all of it, of course—I’m not an idiot—but I’ve been trying to save up so that I could draw out just enough for a spell.”

“A spell.” I echoed. “You mean the spell? This is your bright idea? Run away to another dimension?!”

“SHH! You get any louder and big bro downstairs will hear you!”

My jaw snapped shut almost immediately, and I nodded dumbly. I’d forgotten to tone down the sass. “This is a horrible idea!” I hissed.

“You mean it’s the best idea you’ve ever heard,” Gabriel countered. “And it’s the only one we’ve got, so shut it and pay attention. You might need to know some of this stuff.”

Gabriel proceeded to lay out the instructions to perform the spell, and I committed it all to memory. It only took a few minutes, but when he was finished, there was still one little piece nagging at me. As we cleaned up our mess, I caught him by the sleeve.

“How will we know which dimension we’ll land in? I thought you had to have the DNA of someone who’s been to a particular dimension in order to go there. If not, we’re playing a freaky version of roulette.”

“Yeah, about that.” Gabriel laughed nervously, his eyes suddenly finding the wall captivating. I tugged again on his sleeve and cocked a brow. Something was definitely up. The archangel sighed dramatically. “I may have been to one or two other, uh, worlds before, and I know for a fact that one will be just perfect for you, especially if we land where I think we will.”

“How could you possibly know that?”

“Because I was there recently, and you can trust the people we’re going to see.”

“Why?”

Gabriel shrugged. “They’re family.”  
_____________

Everything was quiet, at least for a while.

Gabriel returned around 2:00p.m. with a tray of snacks and again at 6:00p.m. with dinner, but each time he said nothing had changed. The rift was still open, and Lucifer was still being as annoying as ever. When he left after that last time, however, something changed. Gabriel hadn’t been gone thirty seconds when he popped back in, his face streaked with terror and anger. I stood immediately, searching his face for any sign of what may have happened.

“Gabe?” I was scared to say much of anything. The way he was just kind of silently standing there combined with the electric crackle in the air was freaking me out. I didn’t know whether he’d just killed someone or was about to, but either way, it looked like one wrong move could push him over the edge, and I sure as heck didn’t want to be on the receiving end of an archangel’s wrath. 

At the sound of his name, the usually jovial angel’s eyes snapped to my face, and he was by my side in a flash. He hauled me out of bed by my elbow, and though his grip didn’t hurt, it also left no room for argument. As soon as I was on my feet, Gabriel began wordlessly searching my room for something until he finally stood up straight and blew a harsh breath out of his nose. He flew away again and returned half a moment later with one of Sam’s zip up hoodies in hand. It got tossed to me, and, not knowing what else to do, I slipped it on. Huh. Okay, so the extra room around the middle was kind of perfect for my growing belly even if I did have to roll the sleeves a couple of times. While I was busy with my jacket, Gabriel had snatched up the duffel bag from the dresser and stuffed my book into it, and I watched in horror as he held a hand out to me. 

“Gabe?” I asked again. “What happened?!”

The archangel turned to face me straight on, his jaw tense and lips pressed into a thin line. “Rowena is dead, and Lucifer is missing.”

“What?!”

“I don’t know if he went into the rift or is in this world, and I’ve got to get you somewhere safe so that I can find him before he finds us. Now let’s go.”

“Wait! What about—” He had already flown us to the bunker’s dungeon. Castiel had shown me where it was, and I had spent some time in the surrounding archives with Sam while we worked on a case, but it was the first time I’d actually been inside. It was mostly how I’d imagined—stone walls, concrete floor, iron chains and devil’s trap on the floor, and everything had warding etched into it—but now Rowena’s body lay lifeless in the corner, her face bludgeoned to the point of being unrecognizable. Gabriel was still pulling me towards a table along the far wall, but I wrenched my arm away and planted my feet as he began throwing things into a bowl. “Someone has to make sure the rift stays open so the others can get back,” I insisted. “We can’t just leave them there!”

Gabriel slammed his hands down on the tabletop, cracking it in a few places, and spun around. “What do you want me to do, huh? I can’t drain anymore of my grace because I’m gonna need all the strength I can get if I’m gonna protect you against my brother. So what do you suggest we do? You got any bright ideas floating around in that head of yours?”

“There’s got to be something else we can try, Gabriel, but we can’t abandon them.”

We stared each other down for what felt like hours (it was probably only a few minutes, but I’m dramatic, so sue me). Finally, Gabriel spoke, his tone clipped. “You have one hour, kiddo. After that, we’re getting out of here.”

He took me to the library, and with only seconds to spare, I found it, or at least I thought I did. I turned the old tome around so that he could read it and pointed my finger at a line about halfway down the page. Gabriel leaned over it, his eyes already scanning the text as I explained it could be just the ticket we needed. “Think it’ll work?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly, “but I’m willing to bet on it.”

Seeing as how the only witch at our disposal was lying in a heap in the corner, the spell took a little bit of…improvisation—which Gabriel assured me he was a pro at—but we finally got the glowing rift to stop blinking on and off like a nearly dead neon sign, so that was a win, I guess. Gabriel had set another deadline, however. He told me that if they weren’t back in twenty-four hours we’d have to go, and while I hated the idea, I agreed to it. I still needed his help, and the last thing I wanted was for him to drag me into an alternate reality before time was up.  
_____________

“Alright, pay up.” I grinned proudly as the archangel seated across from me scowled.

“This has got to be a fixed game,” he grumbled but pushed the pile of fun sized candy bars my direction anyway. We’d been at it for several hours, and while my stash of goods kept getting bigger, Gabriel had to replenish his more than a few times.

“It’s not fixed,” I countered quickly. “You just don’t know how to play poker as well as you think.”

“Do too!” 

I raised my eyebrows and looked pointedly at my pile and then his before raising them once more. “Yeah,” I said, sarcastic lilt firmly in place. “Sure.” Ryan Reynolds would be so proud.

Gabriel huffed and turned, uncrossing his legs and stretching them out over the edge of the table before dropping both with a sigh. He stared off into space as I went back to organizing my hoard: M&Ms in this pile, Snickers in that one, gross, fruity-flavored hard candies over there—he could have those back later. My fingers skirted across a stray Bit-O-Honey chew, and I couldn’t help the direction my thoughts went. 

“You think they’re okay?” I asked quietly, my eyes shifting to the sheet-covered form in the corner.

No, the voice in my head scoffed. Why would they be?

“It’s the three amigos,” Gabriel deadpanned. “They’re never ‘okay,’ but somehow they’ll all make it out alive. They always do…sort of.”

My face twisted in confusion, and I chanced a glance at him. “What do you mean?”

Gabriel opened his mouth to speak, but before he could get a word out, a weird humming sound started coming from the rift. It rose steadily until I had to cover my ears to ward off the damage to my eardrums. The archangel hopped off the table and moved to stand in front of me, dropping a golden blade from his sleeve. The rift seemed to glow brighter for a second and then flashed, making me squeeze my eyes shut.

The room fell silent, and a pair of hands on my shoulders had me opening my eyes to a beautiful, blue-eyed angel. A blue-eyed angel who appeared to be more than a little distressed. His eyes were red-rimmed, his hair more of a mess than I’d ever seen it—the result of him running his hands through it. Had he been crying? It took me a second to realize he was speaking to me, because everything was muffled. It was like this roaring in my ears that was gradually fading, being replaced by the frantic rumble of a voice I didn’t think I’d ever hear again.

“What?” I asked.

Castiel pulled me off the table and into his arms before shoving the duffel bag into my hands. “You have to go now!”

Go? But he was back! Why would I be going anywhere? 

The angel pressed his lips into a thin line. “Gabriel!” He barked, eyes never leaving mine. “The spell!” 

“Workin’ on it!”

“Well work faster! We have to get Melanie out of here before—”

Another flash cut Castiel off, and he spun around with a growl, one arm sweeping me into the corner behind him while the other brandished his angel blade. I couldn’t see around him, but I’d know that tortured sigh anywhere.

“You know I hate chasing after you, Castiel.” 

Oh no.

“And Gabriel! Bro!” There was a shuffle of feet—probably Satan doing his little dance—before the voice continued. “I thought you were dead? Should’ve known you’d be part of this.”

Oh God.

Lucifer chuckled, the sound raising hairs on the back of my neck, and I gipped the back of Castiel’s trench coat. “Not hardly, sweetheart.” I bit back a whimper at the sugary tone and silently prayed for a way out of this mess. 

“You don’t get to address her,” Castiel spit.

“Ha! Who do you think has been in her head this whole time, huh? What, did you think she’d suddenly developed a split personality or something? I’ve had a running commentary in there for months!”

Castiel stiffened as my stomach flipped, but the angel remained steadfast in his place. “How?”

“Well I knew it was just a matter of time before you tried to bust her out of my little prison, so while she was out I put a spell on her. It was a one-way connection that would be triggered when…” Lucifer trailed off, his voice rising in question.

“When we removed Castiel’s grace from my soul,” I whispered. I knew I shouldn’t, but I peaked around my angel’s arm to stare wide-eyed at the monster in the center of the room. He looked…glow-y, if that made any sense. There was this strange new power radiating off of him, and a golden light shimmered behind his irises. Something was definitely off.

“Bingo!” Lucifer clapped his hands together. “She’s smarter than you people give her credit for. You see, she didn’t break under physical torture, but mental, now that’s something no one survives intact.” Everything was falling into place. The nightmares, the scathing remarks, it all made sense now. No wonder it didn’t sound like me. It wasn’t! “That’s why it’s such a shame that she has to die now, too.” He said the last part quietly, thought there was a coolness to his voice that shook me to my core. 

“Not today!” 

Gabriel had inched closer to the devil and struck out with his blade, but Lucifer was quick to knock it away, landing a sharp blow to Gabriel’s chest that sent him flying back into the wall. The room shook, and Gabe groaned but stood slowly as the devil advanced on him. He threw me a wink as Lucifer gripped the front of his shirt, hauling him up so that they were nearly nose to nose. What did he have planned?

“Really?” The devil’s face twisted with disgust before he landed a punch to his brother’s jaw. “‘Et tu, Brute?’”

“You know,” Gabriel worked his jaw and spit out a little blood before continuing, “I had this whole speech planned out for if I ever saw you again, but, uh, you’re really not worth it. So screw you, Lucifer. Right in the ass.” He grinned cheekily up at his brother and took the next blow to his face with the smirk still firmly in place. It looked like it hurt pretty bad, but it played the exact role it was supposed to: distraction.

Castiel had retrieved the archangel blade and edged back over to me during the exchange, and as Lucifer pulled his fist back to hit Gabriel again, Castiel replaced the bag in my arms with the blade. My eyes widened, but the angel gave me a look that told me I could do it, and I set my sights. If he had faith in my skills, then I could, too. I flipped the blade around to hold it by the tip, reared back, and I let that sucker fly. Lucifer stiffened when I hit my mark and dropped his brother. Gabriel scrambled away, working furiously to finish the spell while Castiel and I waited for the devil to drop.

“That’s for Jack,” Castiel growled when Lucifer turned to face us. His eyes were wide, his jaw slack, as he fumbled to reach the handle protruding from his spine, and I just knew he was about to burn out. “And Sam,” Castiel continued, “and Dean, and all those you’ve ever infected.” The blue-eyed angel snarled the last word, letting it drip like venom from his lips. 

My head was spinning. I’d been so grateful to see Castiel alive that I hadn’t wondered why he came back alone, but now…

A new rift opened up in the corner, and Lucifer’s eyes flashed a brilliant gold color. In a flash Gabriel was slammed against the wall and held there by his throat while Lucifer slowly pulled the blade from his back. I watched as Castiel and Gabriel locked gazes briefly, the former swallowing and giving a tight nod before grabbing my hand and leading me to our exit. 

“I’m tired of the games,” Lucifer announced. “You know, I tried, I really did with Jack, but all he wanted to do was follow the Winchesters around like a little puppy! This ends now.”

I saw him lift his hand, and I knew what was coming next. Still, I couldn’t find it in myself to look away as Gabriel’s own blade pierced his heart. It wasn’t until after the image of my friend dying was seared into my brain that Castiel pulled me into his chest to shield me from the blast. I screamed into his coat, the sound breaking into sobs, but we didn’t have time to mourn. We had to go if we wanted any hope of escaping. 

“Oh, you’re not going anywhere, sweetheart.”

Castiel pushed me behind him, brandishing his angel blade and flipping it so it was pointed downwards. “Go now,” he told me over his shoulder.

“I can’t!” I hissed. “Not without you!”

“I’ll be right behind you, I promise.”

“Don’t lie to me, Castiel. Not now.” I knew he didn’t plan on making it. He was going to sacrifice himself in order to save me and our unborn child. 

“Really?” Lucifer scoffed, interrupting our debate. He pointed over his right shoulder towards the large wings now burnt into the wall and floor around Gabriel’s body. I could still see ash floating in the air. “You did see what my brother’s blade was able to do to me, right? I’m hyped up on nephilim grace, guys! That toothpick of yours won’t do anything to me.”

“It’ll do enough,” Castiel answered, guiding me towards the rift while still keeping his body facing the devil. 

Lucifer stopped, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. “You can still get out of this, Castiel. Just give me the girl, and I’ll let you fly off to wherever feels best. Of course, you’ll be all alone, but hey! You’ll be alive, so maybe, just maybe, you can get your revenge at a later date when you’re better armed.” Castiel growled deep in his throat, the sound reverberating in his chest and ripping out through clenched teeth. “Or!” The devil held his hands up, palms out, in front of him. “Or I can kill you now like I did your little pets and just take the girl. Your choice, bro.”

“I’m not your ‘bro,’ and you aren’t getting anywhere near her.” Castiel reached back and laid his hand flat against my belly before letting it slide over to my arm. He squeezed my hand for one long moment before dropping it. It was his way of saying goodbye. 

We were out of time.

Castiel charged the devil like a linebacker, the resulting crash sounding more like a clap of thunder in the small room. The overhead lights exploded, so the only way I could see anything was from the eerie orange glow emitted from the new rift. I strained to separate Castiel’s form from Lucifer’s in the shadows across the room, desperate to discern who was winning and praying it was Castiel.

“Melanie, go!”

His pleading voice cut me in half, taking my heart and twisting it into something unidentifiable. There was sorrow and fury and pain and a hundred other emotions all mixed into those two words, and I hated myself for having to listen, for having to follow his instructions. It shouldn’t have to be this way. He should be allowed to live. Castiel deserved better.

I stepped up to the rift and threw one last look over my shoulder. I love you, I silently prayed to my angel. Then I squared my shoulders, raised a hand, and grabbed hold of the thin rip in the universe right as someone behind me screamed.  
_____________

Orange light enveloped everything for a fraction of a second, and then I was standing in what appeared to be the bunker’s library. Huh. That…that is not how I thought those space rift thingies work. I turned slowly, taking in the room and trying to listen for anything unusual, but there wasn’t anything to hear other than the usual faint buzzing of the antique lighting. 

I dropped my bag and wandered over to the large map table in the center of the room. It looked exactly the same, so similar, in fact, that I was starting to wonder whether or not I was actually dead and in Heaven. After running my fingers over the smooth tabletop, I pulled out a chair and settled in to wait. On what, I wasn’t sure, but Gabriel seemed certain someone would be on the other side of the portal when he put the spell together, and it wasn’t like I had anything else to do. Besides, if I actually tried to make a plan, I’d probably go crazy looking for a place to start. If I let my mind work instead of just taking in my surroundings, I knew I’d get lost in the pain of being away from Castiel. (Until I heard otherwise, I absolutely refused to believe he had or was about to die.)

There was a flash of light from the rift, and I spun in my chair in time to see the devil leaping towards me and the rift fizzling out behind him. I screamed, jumping up and putting the chair between us, but I should have known better. 

“You’re right,” he sneered as he backhanded my left cheek. The metallic tang of blood was already filling my mouth, and I could actually feel the bruise forming across my cheekbone. “But you’re wrong about Castiel. I killed him myself.”

“No,” I gasped as tears sprang to my eyes. 

“Yes. I shoved an angel blade into his chest and smiled as the light faded from his eyes. He’s gone, and the doorway is closed—gone. No one is coming to save you, and there’s no one else to get in the way of what I have planned for you.” He punctuated his statement with a left hook that sent me flying back into a bookshelf, the wood splintering on impact and a horde of books and paper falling down around me.

I bit back a moan, the mindset I had while being tortured the first time coming back all too easily, and rolled onto my side. I tried to push myself up, but a sharp pain in my head stopped me. Reaching back, I felt something wet and realized a fraction of a second too late it was blood. The sight of it covering my hand and running down my arms made me gag right before I took a boot to the ribs. Please, I prayed. Please just let us live.

Lucifer fisted his hand in my hair and bashed my skull against the floor once before pulling my face back. “You’ll make it,” he promised as his eyes trailed down to my torso, “ but it won’t.”

Everything was getting fuzzy, black spots dancing in front of my eyes and around the edges of my vision, but I distinctly remember the sound of several people yelling as I was unceremoniously dropped like a sack of potatoes. There was a flash of pale light amid a scream, and then silence for all of two seconds. I blinked heavily, feeling unconsciousness dragging me down, but when I opened my eyes again, I swear I saw someone kneeling in front of me as a few others flanked him. My body relaxed then, though the pain didn’t subside, but I didn’t care. Rest was coming soon. I was okay. I was safe. I breathed one final word before letting myself drift, the only word that mattered.

“Castiel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So???
> 
> Is Castiel alive or dead? Who did Melanie see at the end there? Is she dead, too? Answers to these questions are on their way!
> 
> I'm going to have the first chapter of the next story up as soon as possible because I'm just too excited for you guys to read it! In the meantime, check out my other series, "Broken Wings." You might like it, too.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


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